To think most people would want their therapist to be kind and empathetic?

[AnyNameWillDo89]

Or do some people actually want someone who is really hardcore and brutal and will give them a good kick up the backside?

Mine is like this. She jokes, ‘Oh I know, I’m such a mean therapist, aren’t I?’ But actually I think she gets carried away and goes a bit far with this approach sometimes.

If I complain she’ll just tell me to stop coming as she has a long waiting list of others who’d like to see her. But really, aren’t most people looking for emotional support and compassion?

It wouldn't work for me either. Mine is mostly practical but is capable of remarkable gentleness when needed. He doesn't take any shit, mind! But if the subject calls for it, he is incredibly compassionate and I'd not go back to him if he wasn't.

Like others on the thread I am concerned reading this and wondering what your therapist's training is @AnyNameWillDo89 and who they are regulated by?

Some individual therapists or therapy approaches are more "to the point" than others, however it is critically important that you feel your therapist cares about you and thinks/feels positively about you. In therapy we think about 'unconditional positive regard' and 'PACE principles' (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy). These should be in place even when challenging someone, they are essential to challenge without criticising and judging.

If you are actively telling her you need a different approach, and you are reporting increased self harm after sessions, she should be considering herself whether what she can offer is helping you or harming you. This is her professional responsibility - to ensure you get the care you need (even if that's not her) and to avoid harm to you and safeguard you.

I also do not think it is ethical for her to imply you should continue sessions as she has a waitlist.

Not what I’d be looking for from a therapist, but I also wouldn’t want someone who I only talk to, and who doesn’t challenge me to make changes.

I know you’ve decided already, but I do think you should quit and find someone else. She doesn’t want to change her approach and you don’t want her current approach.