ASD DD struggle with transition from home to school

[Riversideandrelax]

My DD is in Y7. She started at the school in November. We are having ongoing problems with her separating from me. She won't want me to go and will cling to me. I take her into reception and an LSA comes down for her. We did try taking her to the student entrance but we were blocking it. School are finding it difficult with her having meltdowns in reception too. This doesn't happen every day maybe 2-3/5.

They have phoned me this morning to say if she won't go in within 5 minutes then I'll have to 'take her away and come back later.' Her brother has taken her recently a few times and she has gone in not too bad (although one day she did cling to him.) But they could be more luck that those were mainly good days. The school are keen for her to bring her in more. But he is doing his exams (he's 17 in Y12.) so I don't really think this is fair. I don't really think this is going to solve the problem. She has been referred to the Ed Psych to see if they can help.

Any ideas or suggestions much appreciated.

I don't drive to school we get the train. I think on a 'good' day it provides enough preparation to move from home to school. I think if we sit in the park and she doesn't want to play on the equipment/run around she could read/play on her phone if she'd like.

I always have to have strategies for myself for transitions too. I can't transition too quickly or I can't properly move from one thing to the other.

@Riversideandrelax thanks OP, and sorry for teaching you to suck eggs 😂You are way ahead of us, and it is great to hear how well your kids are doing generally. Yes the crisis in Year 7 came as a complete shock to us, and he only got his diagnosis in the summer after the year was done as both the school and his (rubbish) therapist kept insisting he was not autistic.
re transitions: for us the distraction approach often helps. He loves reading so if I have him a bit of time to get settled into a book, he would have calmed down enough that it was easier to leave. Same with playing a game on his phone or something to bridge that short period.
it is so hard, I wish you and your family the best and good luck

Place marking as I have a DD that sounds exactly like yours OP and want to read more of these replies.

We have never managed to help her with the transition part, but we have managed to help her process and understand the anxiety which helps in other situations too. Therapy was really the most helpful coupled with supportive staff at her school.

Oh no, don't be silly! All advice, ideas, anything is much appreciated! ☺️ And thank you so much.

I think we need to go down the therapy route. It helped so much at Primary. She is on the waiting list for the therapist at school but if necessary I'll look privately.

Just for missing me and transition away from me at various times she's had a matching necklace to mine, a drawing of a heart on both our hands, a photo of us together in her bag, an angel pin, taking special teddy, locket with photo. We've also done going in just till start of lunchtime. It can be used as a strategy for separation anxiety specifically because they know they'll see you sooner. The idea is to have a gentle calm transition to school then build on the time they're there. Might not be appropriate for your DD, just wanted to say it can still be helpful when school's not the issue.

Interesting people saying not to reward when all the professionals we've worked with say to do so. We've worked with 3 psychologists and did a group program for kids with anxiety. She loved group program. They all recommended immediate (that bits important) rewards for kids when they did the current step on their challenge ladders (CBT). Kids can't really work off future reward their brain's need something immediate. DD loves drawing so she got s single pen/pencil from a big pack of pretty colours I bought. One kid got a story, another got lots of cheers and congratulations from the parents, another got stamps, another stickers. If there's something she likes you could give it to the school and the person who comes to get her could give her her reward.

If you have the money a good psychologist who has experience working with Autistic girl could be helpful. Just seen you're post saying about going back to therapy, I think that's a good idea. All the other things we've tried were temporary fixes and like with your DD the issue kept coming back after she's had time away.

I would get an EHCP sorted even if you don't need it, it's good to have the supports documented if you need to change schools, for going to high school, college, university if she chooses. Im getting my DDs supports documented now for the transition to high school.

@usernamebore - I do wish there were more small schools that are less overstimulating. Calm, familiar. I think even neurotypical kids get overwhelmed by the vastness of secondary. I hated secondary school. I went from loving primary and being studious to bunking off because it was so overwhelming and bullies ruled. I think no school should be bigger than about 500 pupils. It would make a world of difference.

She actually finds teddies very comforting and used to take one every day at Primary. But she took once once to her school now and some older girls laughed which obviously put her off.

I think 'rewards' is a funny one. I think it really depends how it is done. But if you had supervision from a professional to do it then great. I've probably done what you suggest in different situations but I never really saw it as a reward as such. But it's definitely worth thinking about.

I'll speak to the SENCO about the EHCP. My DD is already at high school.

Just to say we had a really good morning today. Wednesdays aren't usually too bad anyway but using some new strategies had a really positive impact. Hopefully they can help with Mondays a bit!

My ASD DS struggles with transitions as well, although not the separation anxiety your DD has. We found that if he went into school early and went to the canteen, he could have a hot chocolate and settle into being at school without the stress of immediately getting into the school day. He's then able to go on with his day quite calmly.

Now there's stress if he's running late because he Must Have Hot Chocolate, but that's another issue! 🤣

Glad you had a good day.

Good mornings are nice. My DS had a similar thing except in kindy where other 5 year olds were making fun of him for wearing a chewy sensory necklace. He wont use anything at all at school now that might help him regulate. My DD got told a broken lolly snake was Autistic at a party, like it means you're broken, its shit that this behaviour still goes on. The kid saying it didn't know she is Autistic, she choses who she tells. Good luck for Monday.

The solve one thing create a new issue is always a fun one. I've also got the something that helps one of my Autistic DC is bad for another one issue. My DD used to absolutely meltdown if we were running late and wouldn't be at school 10 minutes early, of course the meltdowns actually made us late. Now she likes to arrive just before the bell but her little brother is freaking out about being late and if she rolled her eyes any harder over it you'd hear them. She's telling him we're not going to be late as long as he starts getting stuff done and then gets annoyed he's still melting down about it and he's behaving the exact way she used to which ironically annoys her no end.

I just remembered pocket hugs if she ever needs a tiny teddy for comfort OP.They're on a little card and really small and easy to keep hidden.