To think this is a dumpable offence?

[musicthroughthewall]

Not been with my boyfriend long (3months ish) and last night we went to the pub to meet with my group of friends for the first time (mix of genders as partners are there too).

My boyfriend lives 20 mins from me but wouldn’t have had any reason to come to this area before meeting me. He bumped into an old female friend at the pub who I believe is an ex of one of his friends.

Anyway they both kept going out for a smoke and each time they were out there ages chatting. I felt so embarrassed that he spent more time with her than he did with me and my friends.

For reference my boyfriend isn’t the shy anxious type, so it wasn’t that he was nervous.

Low effort and a smoker I would dump him. He sounds more interested in the other girl if he was out there for 40 mins taking to her.

That's bullshit, op. I would have found that quite humiliating and my friends would have thought him an arse and nit that into me. He basically spent the evening with the other woman. It's not good enough at all. He is just not keen enough and you're not his priority.

Leaving HER with a group of strangers? They were her friends not his

I think maybe they were just not his sort of people and you have found out early enough that you aren't compatible

He wasn't even the slightest bit concerned with making a good impression to the people you care about. That speaks volumes.

Add that to the fact he smokes, he should be dumped immediately.

Yes, he was rude. Basically giving the message that spending time with someone he knew already was preferable to spending it with the people he'd agreed to meet. Even if he was bored silly by your friends manners dictate he put up with it for a few hours. No one would force him to go again. So yes, I'd dump him because I couldn't be doing with someone who had no sense of social etiquette. Always surprising on here the hoops people jump through to excuse a man. Anyone would think they'd declared a shortage and we had to make do with what we could get.

I do understand what you’re saying but if you bump into an old friend then you do sometimes get chatting.

And if you’ve been drinking you can easily stay out chatting and smoking for longer than you realise.

This definitely wouldn’t be a dumpable offence IMO.

I think the dumping will be out of your hands soon anyway. Just a hunch.

I regret not dumping someone who once did this. It was typical of him a) acting like a single guy and b) always putting any random person (although especially available women) ahead of me. Is it a one off or part of a pattern? If the latter, you definitely know what to do!

What you’ve described isn’t 70% of the time but I still would take it as a very bad sign. He wasn’t interested in getting to know your friends and he was overly invested in another woman that he knows. I would take it as a red flag and yes, probably break up with him. Good that this happened after only three months and that you’re not willing to put up with it.

I'd dump for being a smoker regardless of how long he was outside for.

Does he want to shag her? A lot of red flags here. Dump him straightaway.

Absolutely. MumsNet is riddled with posters bending over backwards to excuse the most heinous of behaviours committed by men. This love/in for all things make has got to stop.

I’d dump him for smoking. How retro.

Oh good yet another thread where I can observe in amazement the abysmally low standards some women have for men.

It's been three months, he was rude, inconsiderate and disrespectful to both you and your friends. Plus he smokes so... Just dump and move on, you're not losing anything worth having here.

You should be dumped for being controlling and needy.

I think you're focusing too much on that she's a woman

He didn’t just become a smoker. Geez. I really don’t care that he smokes or who and would not dare a smoker. It’s really got fuck all to do with any of this:

Elaborate on how this is controlling and needy.

I always believe in giving people a chance, a good job I did as we've been together for over 26 years! It takes a bit of time to get used to a relationship and adjusting. Me and dh have always had friends of the opposite sex, well more me really, and it really is (maybe irrationally but understandably in the early stage) natural to be a bit insecure. Xx

It would have been rude either way.

He has many friends of the opposite sex, I I don’t care.

I care that I introduced him to my friends and he made absolutely zero effort.

So you have your answer then, obviously. Dump him. He's not worth your time.

It would be quite the plot twist if he didn’t smoke.

You say he made zero effort with your friends. When he was inside with you all, did he join in the conversation?