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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Could I ask for some perspective on this interaction please?

57 replies

Snowblossom171 · 19/05/2024 14:10

Dh and I have been together for 30 years. We've been bickering a lot lately. It's the same argument, I feel he doesn't speak to me very nicely at times, he can't see that he's doing anything wrong. I know it's difficult without hearing tone of voice but this is an example and I really like to know if I'm being overly sensitive.

It's never about big stuff, just mundane day to day interactions.

So today, we've got an egg chair and I like to take the L part of the sofa to use as a footstool with it (it's a small sofa for the conservation), there's a 2nd smaller sofa that can still be used in there.

Me: could you take the 'footstool' into the garden for me please? (It's too heavy for me to carry).

Dh: what am I going to sit on now?

Me: the other sofa, you'll manage.

Dh: well I'll have to won't I.

I know it's a very brief conversation but things like this are staring to mount up and make me unhappy. I just want to be spoken to nicely. Dh doesn't see anything wrong in it at all.

Am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:

fieldsofbutterflies · 19/05/2024 19:07

Megifer · 19/05/2024 18:14

I guess op responded in kind to his facetious question. Can't say I blame her tbh if other interactions are like this.

(Don't even know if I'm using facetious in the right context there 😬 trying to say it was clearly a non question on his part as the answer was obvious - sit on the other 4 or 5 available seats)

Show quote history

I guess I just don't see anything wrong with his question given that OP acknowledges she's taking the most comfy seat.

TheKindGoldReader · 19/05/2024 19:19

Maybe not the best example given, but I do understand where you're coming from if the unpleasantness is all of the time.
There is a tone to be detected and that's not possible in the text above.
I speak from experience when I say that being frequently spoken to like you're a nuisance, or foolish is really hurftful, and at times you say something in advance so that you feel like less of an underdog

SleepingStandingUp · 19/05/2024 19:25

lhlh · 19/05/2024 14:18

Hmmm

This doesn't come across well OP.

Unless you have a disability, you do sound a bit princessy asking for stuff to be moved to the garden for you. I have been with my dh a similar amount of time and can't imagine asking him to do something like this.

He clearly wanted it inside to use and informed you of this and you said "you'll manage". I might have replied - yes I will manage, I'm happy sitting here and you can sort yourself out.

I find it odd that people would never consider asking their partner for a simple favour if there was something they could do and you couldn't

Agree the "you'll manage" has kicked off the unpleasantness in this but op isn't wrong for asking nicely for him to do her a favour

Knickerknack · 19/05/2024 19:50

I'm with you OP. Tone is everything.

ZeroOne · 19/05/2024 21:10

WhySoManySocks · 19/05/2024 14:26

“Sorry DH, would it be possible for you to move to the other sofa so I can use this as a footstool? I’m a bit sore and would really appreciate it.”

”Thank you. Could I also ask you to help
me take it outside?”

“Thank you, I really appreciate it: I’ll pull my weight again when I’m better :) ”

I honestly can’t tell if this is satire

Ella31 · 20/05/2024 01:06

Could you take your dh aside and explain how you are feeling to him. Be fair and say that it's like you are going in opposite directions at the mo and the bickering is painful. See where he is at and why he feels the way he does. You might find some common ground. Usually this type of fighting occurs because both parties are hurt and the little things build up into big things.

coupdetonnerre · 20/05/2024 01:21

pikkumyy77 · 19/05/2024 14:38

Uh…I think an anal fissure takes priority with respect to seating arrangements.

It does 100%. I imagine it's very painful. If your DH can't accommodate that then why are you even married.
The fact that he's fighting over a foot stool you picked first says a lot when you are currently unwell.

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