I walked in on my boyfriends friend watching adult content

[Xmasvibes]

Hi, I have been with my current partner for 4 years. His best friend of 9 years has been in a 2 year relationship but they argue and break up every single weekend.

this results in his friend being parked outside my house, sometimes in the early hours of the next day. I told my partner I do not want to get involved with his friend and his girlfriends arguments as every single time I reply to her messages I just get dragged into the drama.

his girlfriend will hound my phone asking for his whereabouts ect voice note after voice note and call my phone. Basically they are both ALOT at times. But don’t get me wrong we do get on at times.

i allowed my partner have his friend stay at my house last night on the sofa . We all had a little drink, as I walked past his friend he put his arms around my waist not holding me but he placed his hands there. I thought it was a bit weird but I just chose to ignore it.

I woke up this morning, I went downstairs to get a drink and my kitchen is connected to my living room so no choice but to go into the living room. His friend was asleep but porn hub was on the tv. I immediately went to tell my partner but he just laughed it off. I just find that weird, idk but my boyfriend doesn’t see it as a problem. Am I overacting ?? We are all 25 years old

Weird AF. There's an expectation in my house that guests don't watch porn/enjoy their own body in my living room! I wouldn't let that creep stay over at my house again and I'm fairly liberal when it comes to most things.

I hope you've put your sofa covers in the wash!

Thats massively disrespectful, what a dick

Yes, it's weird. Imagine getting yourself off in the public room of someone's house.

It's so disrespectful, and I can tell from what you have said that he has a problem with both his self-control and also women's boundaries.

Awful man. No wonder his girlfriend struggles, but she needs to walk away.

Yuck.

Is it your home or you share it jointly with your boyfriend?

Gross, I would not have anyone in the house that watches porn in it, specifically pornhub which has been proven to have videos of trafficked women and girls being raped.

Also block the girlfriend or at least mute her.

Oh that is disgusting on every level.
I certainly wouldn't want him ever staying in my home again and given what you've said about being dragged into the relationship problems of him and his girlfriend I would be having a serious conversation with your boyfriend about distancing yourselves from the pair of them.
I think the fact your partner laughed and didnt see the porn as a problem is very concerning. Sounds as though his friend is more important to him than your feelings and the disrespect his friend has shown in your home.

You could have come downstairs any minute, and he didn't care if you caught him.

You are so programmed to let men behave inappropriately, that you actually title your thread about the porn and not the unwanted touching! Which I think is worse, but both are bad. You don’t watch porn in someone else’s house and you sure as fuck don’t leave it running. But you absolutely do not touch a woman without her permission.
I would not have him stay in my house, and I would block his girlfriend’s number too.

I would not be happy with this at all. It is very disrespectful to you and I am concerned that your DP appears to enable this visitor. You are entitled to be respected and safe in your own house. I do not think I would have him to stop over again.

This - he wouldn't be returning to stay ever!

It’s completely grim to watch porn on someone else’s telly, in their living room. But that actually sounds like the least bad thing here. The fact that your boyfriend is expecting you to put up with the awful drama of his childish, obnoxious friends is the problem - the living room porn is just one element of a dysfunctional situation. I’d be inclined to ditch your boyfriend.

FGS, don't be a doormat and put your foot down. Get this pig out of your home and make it crystal clear he's never staying over again. I also find him putting his arms/hands on your waist to be a big red flag. Why on earth would he do that? It's totally inappropriate.

As for his girlfriend, fucking hell, block that woman. Why are you putting up with all this?

To add, your boyfriend sounds as gross and immature as his friend is. It's quite telling that he thinks you're the unreasonable one in this situation.

Yeah he'd never be staying again

I wouldn't start a drama about it but make sure your partner knows he isn't welcome and any "surprise" 2am visits won't have you opening the door

Massively disrespectful

Disgusting that he was watching porn in your living room as a guest. Equally disgusting that your bf didn't find it disrespectful and immediately have words with his friend.

Show the friend the door and spend your Sunday explaining to your bf exactly why you will have zero tolerance of that kind of behaviour from either of them, until he gets it.

It is important he gets it. If he doesn't get it do you think you have a happy future with him? Would you have children, daughters, with a man who thinks like this? Do you think he would be a good father and role model for your sons thinking like this?

No.

This is your house? Tell your boyfriend that his friend can’t come around any more. Block his girlfriend.

Boundaries now.

I'm more than forty years older than you, OP. Advice from an old woman is 'Sack the boyfriend and the friend. Find some decent people to hang out with.' Don't let people stay in your house.

Aside, you might want to consider how much control it is possible to exert over another adult.

If you ditch your boyfriend, you’ll be shot of his awful friends too.

Get rid of both of these perverts - your boyfriend doesn't sound any better than his handsy, rape-watching, wankstain mate if he thinks any of that is acceptable.

Frankly, I'd ditch your BF. Two birds, one stone as the saying goes.

IMO, OP needs to wash her hands of this pair of jokers

Firstly I’m blown away you’re just glazing past him touching you up.

Your radar for unacceptable behaviour is so far skewed to me for both him and your BF (I’m assuming you’re letting this slide because your BF is equally as immature?)

I’m not that much older than you and pretty liberal, but no, one doesn’t get themselves off on someone’s sofa, that’s basic manners and decency.

I'd be more concerned about the fact he touched your waist like that...

There’s nothing wrong with a 25yo watching porn.

Its a bit distasteful to do it in someone else’s home but not enough that I would go and tell my partner about it.

I do however think these ‘friends’ sound like an absolute nightmare and I wouldn’t want anything else to do with them.

I also wonder if your DP is an issue here too.

Tell your DP he can see his friend whenever he wants but you won’t be getting involved in their relationship anymore.
Tell the gf the same and tell her you will ignore/block her if she keeps hounding you.

It all seems very childish.
I’m 30 and wouldn’t act like this.