To think there needs to be a public inquiry into child development

[MaryMaryVeryContrary]

It really seems like we have a looming societal crisis in terms of child development and therefore the quality of the public in 10-20 years time. Experienced teachers across the board seem to be reporting an overwhelming increase in delayed, aggressive and disruptive children. I’m extremely worried about how this will impact society when they become adults - it seems (as a guess) at least a tenth of children will be incapable of work of any kind, and many more will need copious amounts of support to live any kind of responsible life.

AIBU to think we need an urgent public inquiry into this and what is going on? It seems to be the elephant in the room and anybody who tries to discuss it is shouted down.

I’m sure some of it is due to cuts in services but surely that can’t account for it all - it’s very sudden and extremely alarming.

This is true, but isn't it balanced out at all by the increase in screening for conditions such as Downs? I would have thought that would mean less children with SEN being born.

It helps though. And I don't understand why people are so defensive in claiming that it doesn't help or matter at all.

When it does.

I work with young kids age 3-5 and we luckily have lovely parents for the most part. But the one pattern I've noticed and my colleagues agree, is a massive underestimation of what a child is physically capable of and overestimation of their ability to reason. I don't know if this affects behaviour later in life, but it's astounding the amount of basic self care skills 3 yr olds don't have at home but learn within a few days. Kids who stand there pointing to a snotty nose instead of getting a tissue, presenting their head or foot for us to put a hat or shoe on instead of doing it themselves. Yet they ask for explanation as to why we are doing this activity, why it isn't snack time yet etc. They are far too young to understand the why answers. Sometimes 'because I'm in charge here and I say so' is an adequate answer.

It wasn't a sudden shift though.

It was already happening and just got very worse. But was already occurring.

And there's a very valid hypothesis that e.g increase in ASC and ADHD referrals got worse post-lockdown because people had more free time during lockdown.

Which will all the restrictions meant more time inside and therefore more time on the Internet, and all the massive misinformation available online, people being led into thinking their DC or themselves have ASC/ADHD/a mental illness.

MN traffic exploded, as did pretty much all Internet and social media traffic.

I absolutely blame a school for what happened with my child. We moved and they moved school. They had had no problems whatsoever in their last school and immediately on entering the new school turned into a terror. Disobedient, disruptive, impulsive, borderline aggressive. Never at home though. We are routine-based parents who has high expectations of behaviour. We both volunteered at the school a number of times to get some insight and it was run appalling (A ‘good’ Ofsted school). The culture of the class was shocking. This went on for a year before I finally moved them. At the new school the behaviour immediately disappeared, and I mean immediately. And they have never had an issue since.

I joined multiple parenting support groups, school forums and similar in that time to get help and advice and heard the same story again and again. Of course it’s not all children who will improve in a better setting, but even for argument’s sake it’s 50%, then that’s a huge problem. Even 20% of a class will cause a mirroring of unacceptable culture in a classroom, especially when teachers’ hands are tide in how they can discipline.

I'm not sure. I have 2 children, eldest is 5 and non verbal autism. I often think am I just a terrible parent? My youngest was parented the same and is flying, far past where she ought to be. I do think the absolute failings in maternity care have a lot to answer for. My eldest had a horrific birthing experience. I personally believe its genetics but these genes are switched on/enhanced whatever you want to call it and that is increasing. I know many many parents who never leave their homes and kids in front of YouTube all day and they don't have special needs so I don't think its as simple as 'poor parenting'.
I do think their has been a huge shift in parenting in general. We don't raise children the same way any more. Where is the village? The comments made about parents having to work constantly etc were very thought provoking for me.
There's also a huge sense of entitlement with some parents that is being passed down. When I was a student, if a tutor phoned home, I'd have known about it. Now a teacher rings home and the parent replies 'well what did you DO, my boy is an angel' after destroying the classroom

What I don't get with these threads is the general overall lack of acknowledgement of lockdown on everyone.

Not on everyone. Also, all these changes were already happening before Covid. The pandemic just sped it up a bit.

Thats interesting.

I agree. To an the internet actually enabled the lockdowns to happen i.e. facilitating home schooling, working from home, online deliveries, etc. Without the internet, we literally couldn't have had the same kind of lockdowns.

You really can't blame covid for everything as people were giving their infants a screen long before then, schools/teachers were reported declines in behaviour long before, anti social behaviour, thefts etc were increasing long before covid. Just like it was out of town retail and internet shopping which was harming the High Street long before covid, but some people blame covid for that too!!

The screening is quite limited when you think of all the possible genetic issues. My friend has a son who had no concerns and was born with a brain abnormality. He’s 14 and can’t read, write, do basic self care and will never live independently. He would not have survived in previous times.

I was thinking about it a bit more and realised that the flip side of this is that mothers and kids are basically unable to do anything right these days. The list of things we Must Not Do is basically infinite. Leaving kids to look at a screen feels a little bit right because it's vaguely educational.

I mean I'm totally against the screen thing and have actually withdrawn my son from school to get him away from constant screen time, but I also do wonder if life would be better if mothers weren't constantly judged for literally everything the do that isn't sticking a child in front of a screen.

Screens.

Everyone knows it, especially the actual biological parents, but they'll carry on letting the screen parent their child, as they are too lazy to do it themselves.

But your situation is different. Your child was acting that way at school because of the environment they were in at school. And this can happen. On this thread though, I’m talking about behaviour at school mirroring behaviour at home. Rarely do you gets child at school who swears, is disruptive and aggressive, who isn’t the same at home. Some may play up at school to fit in with their peers, but that’s really not the fault of the school or government.

Such an interesting thread. And so at odds with many recent threads on various aspects of the discussion on other boards.

Nearly every thread on screens in Parenting descends in a few posts to denial there’s an issue with plonking infants in front of them because it’s a snapshot, parenting is tiring, everyone deserves a break, screens can be educational etc etc.

Try to push back and you’re accused of being smug or a perfect parent, always spat with utter disdain and defensiveness. I remember one post a while ago where someone claimed she played with her baby for a whole 20 minutes a day. She was on maternity so the baby wasn’t in nursery getting engagement from anyone else. A whole 20 minutes. Boggles the mind completely. The other bizarre claim is that you may as well get your baby or toddler on a phone or tablet as they’ll spend their school years using technology. Bullshit. It’s so intuitive, specifically designed to be so, that no one ever needed training on how to use an iPhone.

Lots of parenting is repetitive. No one ever said it isn’t. But even with very young ones some people think they’re above basic interactions with their children for a whole host of odd reasons.

It’s not different, because my kid was just another one complained about and people assuming I was a bad parent and that he was the same at home. It’s also not unusual – I said in my post I was part of many forums and support groups where the same thing was happening, because kids would be whipped up in the culture of the class.

Of course it’s the school/government’s fault if they cannot get a handle of a classroom. Even if it’s unfairly their fault with poor funding, stuffed curriculums, ineffective upper management etc. My child’s old class lost many children due to very poor management and all those children improved once they left. The ‘naughty’ kids most certainly did not have poor parents – they were very diligent and beside themselves with worry. We happen to live in an area where school movement is relatively easy – most children/parents don’t have that option, so many will never really know if their child would improve in a different setting.

Some of these kids wouldn't have been in mainstream school and some wouldn't even be living in the community, depending how far back you're thinking.

I think screens for primary age need to be banned apart from TV. And much stronger controls around junk food. And the real elephant in the room is the unsafe environment caused by excessive motor traffic meaning kids aren't safe outdoors any more. Having young kids cooped up indoors all the time isn't easy for parents, who can blame them for resorting to screens, what is the alternative, for people who live in small flats with no garden and no car to access nice outdoor spaces? Obviously no one wants to give up their car or even stick to speed limits, so I don't see this changing

It might further cement the claim but the problem lies within the people who make statements such as ''parents want a label for the money''.

This leads people to believe that its actually that clear cut.

You need to look into SEN funding by the government. They have made huge cuts to SEN budgets and not built much needed special schools. Schools are bloody falling in on kids FFS. Even the ones that are built are falling to shit.

I've just had to fight my LA for over a year to get my son into a specialist school and his needs are very complex - low functioning ASD and probable severe learning disabilities. If it has been a nightmare for my son with severe SEN, how easy do you think it is for people with higher functioning ASD, ADHD or other specific learning disabilities to get support? I would never have seen a child like my son in school when I was growing up, he would have been in a special school from the word go. This is how bad it has got.

To those saying it is a decline in parenting, I grew up in the 80s on an estate and bloody hell, parenting was awful then. Kids were just thrown out onto the street all day. Kids got run over, was drinking and on a few occasions set their homes on fire. Kids going to school smelling of fags with bad teeth. I agree knife crime is bad now, but we really can't look back with rose tinted spectacles as it was just as shit then. Our saving grace on our estate was our school and a brilliant head teacher. Despite living on a shitty estate, many of us went on to do ok in the end.

So yes, we do need a review - of why governments whether Tory or Labour consistently underfund and ignore education in general, and are refusing to support students with SEN or social problems adequately. I agree that SM and other factors are at play here, but schools need to be given half a chance to adapt to this new demand, and parents need to not be working ridiculous hours and have constant financial pressures so they can be mentally there for their kids. Living standards have declined a lot and we have a lot of children in poverty now. This is bound to affect development.

I think the notion of parents interacting with their kids less is pretty unfounded. People must have short memories. My MIL and other mothers of her generation fed their babies every 3-4 hours and returned them to their pram or cot where they stayed for the proceeding 3-4 hours. Or pushed to the bottom of the garden so nobody could hear them cry.

Dads weren’t even present at births, much less present for parenting and kids were primed and displayed for their fathers.

Kids were kicked out the house during daylight, seen and not heard.

I wonder if that's partly due to parents not having much contact with young children, due to the way modern society separates us from wider family and community. And then many parents put their kids in full time childcare and wish away the few hours they spend at the weekend, unable to enjoy time with their children as they don't know how to manage them, and are also too guilty to upset the child by enforcing good behaviour.

I'm friends with a very middle class, educated group of people (parents all doctors, lawyers, academics etc). I'm the only one that hasn't let my kids have their own tablet. Had to give away some tablets bought by well meaning family members.

Just out of interest is there anyone here who under 7s with no access to a tablet (other than at school)?

Yes, me. DD had never used one till she started reception last year. They have a maths app they do on a tablet at school sometimes and they have to do the app for homework so she uses it for 10 minutes on my phone a few times a week. Apart from that she’s never used a phone or tablet.

I think it's more the case that people who have had poor parenting themselves and are as a result also suffering from poverty and lack of family support, are more likely to struggle as parents. I don't think this is due to low intelligence in most cases. We need more support for these parents to be able to break the cycle. There's nothing intellectually challenging about parenting young kids - in fact it's mostly repetitive and routine. Schools and doctors and health visitors should table to fill in the gaps unless these services are hideously over stretched!

@PrincessTeaSet yes I think you are right. Child only spaces are obviously a good thing but too much of it and they don't see adults model normal adult interactions. I read an academic paper on this a few years ago (completely forgotten who) and it made the case that children's poorer behaviour was from loss of a role in a family or community. Long ago children as young as 3 had chores, they believed their jobs had purpose and made them a valued member of a family. Independence skills were praised and highly valued. They now have a sense of uselessness and feel their only role is to be a pain in the ass basically. They attention seek because they are bored and have no sense of pride in their own achievements. It was a very interesting perspective.

And that is where Sure Start centres came in. Like many decisions made under the guise of austerity it was very much a little short term gain with long lasting negative consequences.