To find this a bit rude from relative

[Tresfren45]

Cousin is pregnant with a baby boy. Her first child.

We were close as children but no longer so, plus she lives 4 hours away. But she speaks regularly to my nan. (Her mum, my aunt, sadly passed away 15 years ago)

Although we're not in contact much these days, I wanted to prepare her some things for the baby. My own DS is two now and still got lots of his old clothes in great condition. I texted to see how she was and ask her what kind of clothes she needed most and she was happy to take anything. I also offered her our UV steriliser which was top of the range when we bought it although been out of use for a while.

I filled a bin liner full of clothes which my nan helped me press and fold. Lots of nice things in there. My nan also knitted some blankets and cardigans.

Another relative took all the items to her last week and a FB post appeared thanking my nan for the knitted items. She also told my nan she really liked the things I sent but I didn't hear anything further. I wasn't expecting a FB post (I don't use FB) or any great fanfare but a quick text might have been nice.

We dug out the UV steriliser from garage ready to send on at a later date but it turns out it's broken and no longer safe to use so I text her to ask how she was and let her know that the steriliser isn't safe etc. She didn't mention anything about receiving the clothes and just said 'no worries' about steriliser. Didn't ask me how I was and the whole exchange left me feeling a bit down.

Maybe IABU to expect the basic courtesy of a quick thank you text. It was just the fact that there was zero acknowledgement (but she did acknowledge what my nan sent) feels a bit crappy. Maybe I thought us both having kids now would be a chance to get a bit closer again and be there for eachother more but she clearly doesn't see it that way.

The only time she met my DS last year at a family gathering she spent the whole time talking about her plans to have a baby (she wasn't even pregnant at the time). It was all about her and I suppose she's quite self absorbed really so I shouldn't have expected anything.

Well, yes. A total non reaction was indeed wrong, which you wouldn’t be struggling with if you had any manners at all.

If I were your cousin I'd rather not receive the gift at all than have the giver stewing and bitching about me because I didn't say thanks enough or in the "right" way. She probably said thanks when you first offered the clothes.

You not addressed your nonsense in your last post?

This is further and probably more nonsense.

Yes it’s rude.

If someone gives you something then you say thanks, it’s basic manners.

I was going to say does she have baby brain and she thought she’d said thanks already but when you sent her a text about the steriliser then I would have thought she would have thanked or acknowledged them again then.

So it sounds like she’s just rude.

Give her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she has 'baby brain' and really meant to text later in the day. Then forgot. Maybe when she dresses her baby in your gifted clothes she will send a photo and an 'Aww he looks so cute, thank you'.

It annoyed me when people gave me bags of stuff that I didn't want and I felt rude rejecting. It was more work for me to take it to the charity collection which what I did with 99% of stuff, however, I always said "thank you" for anything I received and would think it was rude not to thank someone.

Same here. One daughter of a friend of my mother thought she was being kind by dumping a black bin liner full of her kids old clothes, on me. (I hadn't seen her in years and never liked her taste in anything). I had only moved 6 weeks prior to having my DD and had barely unpacked from the house I've and this fucking bin liner arriving full of someone else's cast offs was the straw that broke my emotional camels back and I went totally apeshit. We were high earners at the time.
I wanted the joy of choosing and buying my own babies clothes, and had no idea how anyone couldn't understand this!

@abracadabra1980 when she asked you if you wanted the clothes, before she dropped them off, how did you respond?

Blimey you wanted it spelled out didn’t you op. 😂

I didn’t get a chance to respond - she dropped them at my mothers and my mother brought them to me, completely unable to understand why I wasn’t eternally grateful.

Maybe you made her feel like a charity case, yes she agreed to the clothes but maybe she didn't feel she could say no and she hasn't been overly thankful because she doesn't want to encourage you to give anymore. You're being so precious over second hand clothes, you've probably gave her.more work and junk in her house. What are you after tons of praise? You gave some worn old clothes, you haven't stopped starvation, why do you want her falling at your feet, do you want to feel like a marytr. Everytime someone offers me clothes I think hold on do you think I can't afford to buy my baby things.

@abracadabra1980 so your situation is totally different to OPs?