Can anyone understand my boyfriend’s point of view?

[bettyboop121]

So annoyingly last week, my boyfriend got a really big coldsore. Looked really painful and horrible so he said he didn’t want to kiss me because he didn’t want to pass it on. Fine with me, I didn’t want one either!

As it was clearing up I also came on my period. We both hate sex during this so we never do it.

The other day, I said to him that I’m starting to struggle. I miss kissing him and being intimate with him.

He said “I know you really struggle with that”. I then got really paranoid because I worry he’s not attracted to me. If he was, he’d be missing it too or craving it. He’s fine though.

I said this to him and he said, it’s because he knows he can’t do it. He can’t kiss me because of the cold sore and we can’t have sex atm so he’s fine.
So because he knows we physically can’t, he doesn’t crave it.

Is this weird? Or am I weird? Is he just not attracted to me? I feel like especially men crave these things and have needs etc???

Seriously, you're overthinking this. Don't look for trouble where there is none.

You're totally overthinking this!

Good lord OP. You can't be serious? 🙄

Are you saying you wish he was a sex pest?

I just worry if he’s not getting horny or whatever. I know in past relationships sex has been really big for him

No I don’t want a sex pest but I’ve told him a couple of times that I miss kissing him. It’d be nice to hear he does too? But he doesn’t seem to at all

I'm like him.

He knows it's going to happen again so just accepts that it's not happening right now.

I'm not really sure what the problem is, tbh.

I mean, what is the point if 'missing' it and dwelling on it? It's not going to change things audits not making you happy. So he's got the best idea really.

And, in the same position, I wouldn't miss it either for all the reasons I've given.

He's fine.

You are presenting as very hard work.

(I'm not sure why you can't kiss/be close when you're on your period. I understand no sex but why can't you cuddle/kiss/hold hands/be close to him?)

And maybe, when sex was off the table, he just accepted it then too.

Far better than than a whiney person moaning that they want sex surely?

Are you always this needy?

All PP are right. You are way overthinking. Possibly he doesn't have as high a sex drive as you do. Possibly the cold sore is because he's slightly run down or ill with an underlying virus which means he's feeling less up for it than usual. Frankly, if your relationship can't survive a couple of weeks without sex, you are doomed. As long as you are still spending time together and enjoying each other's company, no problem.

Have you told him you'd like to her he misses it too? Men are not mind readers. He sounds likes he's being quite respectful. Maybe he doesn't want to guilt you by telling you he's missing out.

What a lot of fuss.

But why does your period stop you being intimate, even if you don’t want sex?

I’m the same as your partner. I wouldn’t tell my husband I was missing kissing him if I knew we couldn’t right now. It feels a bit mopey, and also like it’d apply pressure; which neither of you need.

It’s nothing to do with his attraction to you, or happiness in the relationship.

Are you a clever introvert by any chance? I am one and I work with loads and we are all a bit like this. Thoughts seem to get stuck in our brains and then swirl around picking up more and more messy debris as they go!

Agree.

What does it do to mention and dwell on something you can’t do til later?

It reads like you, OP want more outward, consistent evidence that he misses sex with you too as reassurance for yourself and the relationship.

Did something happen in your past? Have you two been having problems?

You are coming across like a teenager and making an issue where there isn't one.

He's not hankering after sex because he knows it's not going to happen.

Believe me, this is a good thing. You really don't want a guy who does the opposite ie. pesters you for sex and goes on about it all the time.

Seems like men can’t win.

I think you're being a bit ridiculous so he's can absolutely see his side.

Bloody hell, it’s hardly like your vagina has been glued shut and your lips surgically removed, you have to wait for just a few days. Chill out.

His behaviour is totally normal, yours not so much 😬

I honestly can't imagine 'struggling' without kissing or having sex for a week or two. Sounds very needy tbh.

I'm more like your boyfriend, like other posters have said! Can't imagine a week without kissing being a big deal, let alone without sex!

You come across as very insecure and this is the root of your “issues” with your boyfriend. Lighten up.