Can anyone understand my boyfriend’s point of view?

[bettyboop121]

So annoyingly last week, my boyfriend got a really big coldsore. Looked really painful and horrible so he said he didn’t want to kiss me because he didn’t want to pass it on. Fine with me, I didn’t want one either!

As it was clearing up I also came on my period. We both hate sex during this so we never do it.

The other day, I said to him that I’m starting to struggle. I miss kissing him and being intimate with him.

He said “I know you really struggle with that”. I then got really paranoid because I worry he’s not attracted to me. If he was, he’d be missing it too or craving it. He’s fine though.

I said this to him and he said, it’s because he knows he can’t do it. He can’t kiss me because of the cold sore and we can’t have sex atm so he’s fine.
So because he knows we physically can’t, he doesn’t crave it.

Is this weird? Or am I weird? Is he just not attracted to me? I feel like especially men crave these things and have needs etc???

Apart from anything else OP, if he has a big cold sore, that implies that he's run down and his immune system is struggling at the moment. Maybe he just doesn't feel great.

Leave him alone, stop overthinking things and let him come back to you in his own time.

This is how to damage a perfectly reasonable relationship by making up problems in your head.

How to make a drama out of nothing.

He’s being respectful of you not wanting sex on your period and you and managing to turn that into a negative - seriously get a grip

You could have still had sex without any kissing (or oral on you) when his cold sore was active.
Sexy role play makes a fun change 🥸

He's probably not feeling 100% with a lingering bad coldsore. He's also probably not feeling very sexy in himself. I would give him a break and wait til he's back to his normal self.

As for the commenter who said this indicates "men can't win", this is literally one relationship dynamic among millions, get some perspective.

Yep.

How old are you?

I can absolutely understand your boyfriends pov here and think you really need to chill a bit otherwise he'll run for the hills pretty soon.

I couldn’t bear it if my boyfriend was whining at me that he missed kissing me all the time. Ugh!

As a bloke I can speak from experience that
1 He's worrying you don't fancy him with the cold sore
2 He's probably feeling a bit run down and not on top form
3 He doesn't like sex when your having a period
4 He doesn't feel like sex now, grown men don't always need sex every five minutes to prove their virility
5 He does fancy you but blidge, your a bit insecure. He wouldn't be with you unless he did.

There are some 🚩here from you - you sound insecure and know all about his sex lives with previous partners - why?
When I get a cold sore you would be lucky if I spoke to you when it was at its worst as I get them when run down, ill and exhausted. (As a side note - get him to take lysine, it's a miracle for cold sores.)

Pestering him and getting wound up like this suggests you don't trust him, have been hurt before or are really immature.
He sounds like a good and respectful man - don't be that person

Most people have sexual urges OP, not just men. It's an utter myth that men are more sexual and a damaging one at that. He sounds healthy and respectful.

Are you both 15

Maybe, just maybe, he's respecting your wishes?

I don’t think I could cope with this level of insecurity and neediness.

Why do you think he’s not attracted to you just because you can’t have sex for a few days?

Jesus Christ OP...grow up!! Your neediness is suffocating!

I think what this really is about is that you still feel insecure with him. I'm betting as he's got a high sex drive and is putting it off you're thinking theres something wrong with you. But there isn't. He's already said he can't because of his cold sore anc tbh I wouldn't want to kiss my man with one.

Don't just base it on sex theres much more to a relationship. And if he really is that way would you want to he with someone like that. I'm sure there will be times you wont be in the mood you should feel relaxed with a person and yourself. Otherwise they aren't right. Don't overthink this stuff.

He's just looking at it like an adult and accepting that for now, it's not something he can do.

I can't imagine anything worse than sitting around whining to each other about how you wish you could be having sex.

Isn't cold sore the herpes virus? That is hard to get rid of?

He actually sounds pretty nice tbh! The other option is him moaning about not kissing, whinging because you don’t want period sex, complaining that he’s soo hornyyy 🥺, trying to persuade you to do things you don’t want/like. Would you rather have that? Sounds like you’ve got a respectful man, don’t let insecurity fuck it up

This!

Youre overthinking this so much that I’m wondering if your post is even genuine???

He has a cold sore and you have your period. Neither conducive to enjoyable sex.

Lighten up.

Get Zovirax, though it works best at the first tingle.

Sheesh you would annoy me. Making a big deal over nothing is the off putter

I wouldn't say it to him. My DH wouldn't tell me he was missing it unless he knew we could do it. There's no point in it because all it does is make us both feel bad.