Anyone met someone naturally in their 30s?

[Dont1981]

If so, where was it?
I'm 33 and not having a great experience with the apps. I'd like to meet someone in person that I fancy.
I tried: a language meetup- out of the 3 men there, one was married, one was gay and another was interested but very sleazy and pushy so I blocked him.
A running group: men were either taken or twice my age, plus I slowed them down so don't think I'll go back.

Life drawing: mainly women, most people were almost twice my age.
Work: most are taken.

Yes! I was 34 and met him on a ski holiday (I'd organised it for a large group, he was a friend of a friend). Ironically had we met on an app we both say we'd have scrolled straight past the other, so I would maybe also suggest matching with people that aren't ticking all your boxes, they might be perfect in real life

Met my now partner on a dating app when both in mid-30s. I know you haven't had a good experience on the apps but I found it useful to treat it as essentially something that facilitated meet ups but because it was explicitly dating, really easy not to see them again. I did one date a week, same dress for mort first dates to reduce effort, lots of 'unsuccessful' dates but saw it as part of a trial and error for both parties, ie nothing lost. I used OKCupid if that helps. I struggle with 'naturally' flirting in eg a bar. But you might prefer that, in which case PPs' points about it being a numbers/waiting game are bang on - just live your life and do what interests you, and be open to meeting people while you do it. Good luck!

Yep. Late 30s. Work.

One has never had a partner or LTR. I have no idea if she had flings when younger. I met her when she was mid thirties and it seems rude to ask. She is totally normal though and very sociable, all sorts of hobbies and interests. She doesn’t date online but I know she has expressed sadness about never having a child so I don’t think she was deliberately single.

The other is a uni friend, had a cohabiting relationship in our late twenties, he dumped her in her early thirties and she has had zero luck since, lots of bad dates and very short relationships. She’s open to a man with children from a previous relationship and not so fussed about not having had her own. Pickings are slim though.

I also think that men are probably suspicious of older women without much LTR history.

I’m quite a bit older (late 40s) and have recrntly met someone I was introduced to by my adult daughter. I can honestly say it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had. Makes me a bit sad that it’s taken me to this age to meet him to be honest.

Good advice from pps.

I'd say you need to be genuinely aligned to the activity and enjoying it rather than going there specifically to meet men or women...

Basically thinking even if you don't make any contacts (dates or friends) you still would have enjoyed it.

More chance of meeting your kind of person then, and it's more sustainable.

Different groups may have different vibes, I'd try a few and lean in on the ones which seem genuinely friendly and open...nice people will always recommend and draw other similar nice people in.

Some groups seem a bit overwhelmed with people who are ALL there to pick up a date (especially if there's a low entry criteria like "turn up to a bar" or a short walk) and they can get a bit sleazy and competitive.

(My local thirty something meetups are basically now full of creepy fifty something men looking to meet thirty something women 🤔. A few years ago you'd get 1-2 older guys now they have taken over).

Agree apps can work but I think they can be pretty diminishing returns as one gets older.

Apart from working through the flakes and weirdos, I've had good initial dates from apps with people who tick the boxes on paper.

But as I'm not meeting or observing them in the wild, and everyone is on best behaviour for the first few meets, there can be issues arising later on in first three months.

Quite an interesting thread on Reddit discussing men giving up "actively" dating (including apps).

Essentially same as why women don't use apps...they're competing with fake profiles and photos and personas, and value their MH too much, have had depressive episodes triggered by the weirdness of online dating.

So another argument to be out there in person enjoying yourself and doing your thing a bit more.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/sxcvvm/why_are_young_men_giving_up_on_dating/

Agree with PP about numbers game. Go out, do stuff, keep busy and you'll keep meeting people

I met my DH at a party in my 30s

Another vote for the hiking group. I now of someone in late 30s who met their SO in a hiking group near you!

How did you manage to get one date a week from the apps? I'm using OLD and no dates at all

Yes, my DH, through my flatmate at the time. They worked together, I went out with them for after work drinks and the rest is history!

It could simply be down to a difference in your respective profiles.

What criteria are you screening on? That also makes a difference.

In the past I'd say good photos, be ready to exchange details sooner after screening for red flags (Google search for Linkedin or Socials to check if they are who they say) and have a central easy meet location in mind.

If they're not up for a meet after a few chats or make it hard work, then they probably never will be.

Unfortunately at present (even from a few years ago) I think the online dating market is completely oversaturated and screwed up...both genuine men and genuine women are competing with numerous fake photos and profiles.

Huge influx of new users over lockdown, so more people on there just out of boredom, only there virtually and don't have the capacity to meet someone (fake profile or married).

(This isn't sour grapes - I've genuinely had some great dates and experiences and met some sound people from online dating).

If you're the same attractiveness level as your photos and genuinely up for meeting (makes sense if you want to meet someone) then a person you might be interested in meeting IRL may be more caught up in an endless chat with a brilliant profile of a beautiful woman who doesn't actually exist!

So you'll end up missing each other.

I met my DH in my late 30s at a meetup group.

www.meetup.com

After a particularly nasty break up I started chatting to my now husband on an app but knew of him through friends and had briefly met him once , he asked what I was doing on the app as he thought I was with ex and we started talking. At the time both of us were just rebounding with people and we weren't looking to settle down as we had both been very hurt. 5 and a half years later we are solid and been married for 2 months ,I was 38 when we met and wish we had met earlier because we would get longer together. I hope you find the person you deserve and who deserves you op xx

Pretty much what @electricstreams said - and probably true that the apps have got worse in the last few years which will make it harder. I was dating in a big city which helps as there's a huge pool of people (and as a woman - my partner had far less interest as a man). I was fairly broad in saying yes to first dates as well, not too many dealbreakers.

It depends whether your issue is no interest from others, or that you get initial messages but nothing comes of it. No interest may indicate that app isn't well used in your area. I did get despondent sometimes (people not turning up to dates, etc) and had to talk myself into just ploughing on regardless, but if I hadn't met my partner I might have wanted a break after a bit. Completely understandable to get frustrated!

If you do like walking there is a young ramblers group that I think is under 40's.
We also belong to a meet up walking group and there's a few couples there that met through the group as well as long standing couples.

Volunteer at local football, cricket, rugby club. Join the women's team - there's bound to be socials for all club members.

Criteria, I've it set for age as I don't want a big age gap. Other than that, it would be filtering out any that look like red flags, or any toilet photos/gym photos with big muscles/photos laying in bed. I don't mind if a man already has children or not.

Some just exchange a few messages, and that's as far as it goes. Or others make no effort and just write hi.

As for attractiveness level, my photos aren't great. And I'm definitely not very attractive I'm real life

When Mum was 34 - in the 1950s - she was invited to her best friend's for a party.

They were out of chairs, so one the husband's friends sat on the arm of Mum's chair.

He asked Mum out. August that year, Mum and Dad got married, after a 3 month engagement.

I met someone at Twickenham after a rugby game, good ratios, and everyone’s had a few drinks so they’re feeling a bit more social. Not sure if football is the same, but might be worth a try.

Clubs wise, scouts and cadets always need adult instructors so possibly worth looking at local groups?

@AngryBookworm yes there doesn't seem to be too many local men on the app. It tends to show a lot who are quite far away.

I've got some messages so there is some interest. I swipe away and anyone who seems decent gets swiped right. But the messages just fizzle out. Would be nice to get the chance to go on a few dates as I'd love to meet someone.

@RainingAgain3

It sounds like you're doing the right thing.

Maybe the apps (at the moment) just aren't right for you where you're located?

Like I said, even in a big city there's too many flakes and fakes there right now!

Have you got some places you can meet people in real life? Maybe don't even think too much about finding a date - just get out there in groups a bit more as social practice.

(The only other thing I would suggest is to be REALLY specific with your interests in your profile , say you're looking for a date in real life, be completely honest and direct.

Even say which TV shows you like to watch or what your favourite food is.

Don't try to match with everyone, try to attract someone who is very similar to you).

Yes I met my partner when I was 33. I was also a single parent to a 4 year old at the time. I kept chipping away at it, every time my daughter was with her dad/ my parents I would go out and gradually met new people.
X

Met mine at 43. Friend of a friend. Met in the pub. Old school!