Anyone met someone naturally in their 30s?

[Dont1981]

If so, where was it?
I'm 33 and not having a great experience with the apps. I'd like to meet someone in person that I fancy.
I tried: a language meetup- out of the 3 men there, one was married, one was gay and another was interested but very sleazy and pushy so I blocked him.
A running group: men were either taken or twice my age, plus I slowed them down so don't think I'll go back.

Life drawing: mainly women, most people were almost twice my age.
Work: most are taken.

I met my husband at a local festival in the summer. I'd gone with a big group of friends - it was a 4 day camping festival, but lots of people just go home and come back the next day. He was there with a group of friends. We actually went to school together, but hadn't seen each other in years as he'd been living abroad.

My son, in his 20's, has the same problem. He's in the Raf but there are not many ladies where he is. You really get the rip taken out of you if you are on a dating app, even their very own dating app. He goes to the gym, park runs, triathlons etc but nothing. There seems to be a lot of single people who have trouble actually meeting someone naturally. There should be a few collective places just for single people to meet up

There are, singles nights.

My husband and I met campaigning in the local elections

yes although 15 yrs ago so apps weren't so much a thing.

So - here is my advice and it's what I followed!

I realised I can't really control 'meeting men' - as you have found it's hard to make that happen.

but what I can control is making new friends - so I focused on the belief that the more I get out, the more people I meet, the more friends and connections I add to my life - the more likely I am to cross paths with someone for a relationship - ie. friend of friend/ social events etc

I met my now DH in a pub with work colleagues - gong for an end of project drink and saw him and just made sure I got introduced!

so instead of trying groups to meet men (ie. running etc) - could you focus on building bigger friendships circles - go to festivals/ events/ meet ups and just focus on friendships - and believe the relationship will follow at some point

I met my partner at work aged 42! It can happen and it will when the time is right 😀

I know you mean well, but that’s just not true. I have several lovely single friends who never met a partner and are now approaching 50. Do we just say that the time hasn’t been right for them yet? Do we keep saying that until they die, on the theory that you can still have a boyfriend aged 90 so that right time could still be round the corner?

Do you go out at night? Most of my friends either met their bfs at work or in bars/pubs

Well yes? In the nicest possible way of course. My friends who are in their 50s and single do online dating and go from one disaster to the next, it doesn't make them happy.
Having been in a very abusive dv relationship in my 20s I'd rather have been alone and met the love of my life in my 90s than deal with that again.
But I did mean well and sorry if I offended anyone.

I had joined the local Youth Hostel group; he had joined the badminton evening class at the local high school.
Mutua friends were in both and encouraged us to do both - not with the intention of getting us together btw that just happened.
The youth hostel group had walks every weekend, one weekend away a month, meals out, 2 pub nights a month, bowling etc and a separate cycling programme as well!
It was fairly well organised in that the committee members had to organise one event and they also had to get a volunteer to organise something so that the same people didn't get stuck organising everything (it couldn't be the case that each committee member picked the same person as their volunteer either). A fair few marriages resulted from that group but it was before apps really; we got married in 2001.
The only young engaged couple I can think of now met when they both got part time jobs at McDonalds as teenagers.

You’re missing my point. I am saying that for some people there is never a right time, it just doesn’t happen. So to say “it will happen when the time is right” is nonsense. You cannot possibly know this.

Have your friends ever had a long term partner ?
I ask because my sister got divorced about five years ago they had just grown apart ,their two sons were then 16 and 18
She met her current partner about a year later his two daughters were in their 20,s
I think part of the reason it works for them is that they are both st the same stage in life ,both had experience. Parenthood ,and were getting to a stage where they could be more independent from their kids and enjoy just spending time together .

Realistically, you can't force meeting someone. You, presumably, don't want to just meet anyone - some to fill the manshaped hole in your life?

So you do what my son (mid 20s) did. Stop focusing on 'meeting someone' and start doing things you enjoy. Thar way, you are happy with your life, make friends and are having fun. If you do meet someone along the way, great! If you don't meet someone doing those things, your confidence and opportunities for doing different things will usually have increased and you might meet someone elsewhere.

The added benefit of that is that you will likely have more secure boundaries around the sort of person you do meet and are less likely to be vulnerable to idiots.

You want someone you meet to enhance your already good life. Not provide a route out of one you are not happy with. A decent persin will want someone who already has a pretty well established life. It's the whole being the best version of yourself will attract the best version of someone else mindset.

I met dh at a gig in a pub in Camden.

Which is also where I met my ex husband 12 years prior.

And the two ex boyfriends before him 🤣🤣🤣

Basically, If you want to meet a bloke, go to a Ska gig at the Dublin Castle in Camden.

I met my husband on a group skiing holiday in mid-thirties. Group holidays or tours might be worth looking into.

If I'm honest op I think a lot of people who are single and looking are on apps, it's much easier than approaching someone in real life who you don't know is even single. I met dh on tinder but truthfully I had many, many dates before I met him that went nowhere and I was feeling pretty disillusioned by that point. So I would focus on hobbies that you genuinely enjoy, filling your life with things that genuinely bring you happiness and let the apps run alongside. That way maybe you'll meet someone in real life but you still have a pool of people to dip into that you know are actively looking. If you're feeling fulfilled in other ways it might help with the frustration that can come with online dating. I guess the only other thing you can do is be open, make the first step to say hello and chat to someone and really put yourself out there.

Is that really good advice?

I mean, most of the blokes I see at ska gigs are in their 50s!!

Some of them are still looking good with their docs and turn ups mind...

Yes, in the pub in the 00s.

Ah, my dh was 5 years my junior when I met him at age 32!

I was thinking the same thing. I was dragged to a ska night a couple of years ago and it was full of middle aged men with their trousers at half mast. Some of their footwork was very impressive though.

If you have any special interests you could try chatting on an online forum for that. I joined a forum for a musician I love, through real-life meet-ups and get-together I know of two marriages that happened (and there may be more), and I met my now best friend!

Hmm. Actually, I did meet now dh 14 years ago. So they may have all aged.

Would still recommend the Dublin Castle as a good place though. Even if the three previous blokes I met there turned out to be twats.

Maybe swerve the Ska nights.

Go you! 😁

I’m in my 40s and can’t be arsed with OLD so perhaps there’s no hope for me.

Would like to experience real, mutually requited love at some point though.