To be annoyed at friend for ‘fat’ comment?

[fairymar]

Currently in my 3rd trimester of my first pregnancy. I’ve had a pretty tough time due to many complications and as a result I’m a bit emotionally fragile. Hence my AIBU.

It’s lovely hot weather here at the moment and my supposed best friend text me saying ‘how are you enjoying the weather, fatty?’. I of course know I’m not fat but I found it very offensive and upsetting. I replied ‘oh, that’s rude’ but wish I hadn’t replied at all!

This friend had a child a few years ago and was incredibly self conscious and insecure regarding her body image and weight gain so I was shocked she’d make a comment like this, even in jest.

AIBU to be upset by this?

I would have been offended or at least annoyed by this comment!

It’s just a joke that didn’t land well. She knows you’re pregnant, not fat.

Ignore, prob just baby weight, it’s a tough time

If she's your best friend, I'd put it down to an unthinking comment or a poorly judged joke and move on. We're all guilty of putting our foot in our mouths sometimes.

You've told her it's rude, be a bit grumpy for a day, and let things get back to normal.

I’m all bump, I haven’t put on much weight. I don’t feel fat at all but her comment was down right rude!

Was it meant for you?

If you know you're not overweight, then I don't really get why you're offended...? If you were, and she made a joke then of course.

This sort of thing divides opinion. It would've made me laugh but I know not everyone feels the same, so there's no way I'd say it to someone else.

I'm surprised your friend doesn't know you well enough to know it wouldn't make you laugh.

She’d have got an “Oh fuck off “ from me.

I’d of laughed my head off, doubt she meant any harm unless there’s a back story, ask for an apology

I think it's crazy to text someone saying that. Well done for saying it's rude.

I’d take that as affectionate joshing but I have never been over weight so I wouldn’t mind particularly

I am fat and when I was pregnant I was even fatter and it wouldn't have upset me but I appreciate we are all different.

You know her and the kind of friendship you have, we don't. In saying that I would assume she didn't mean to upset you with the comment, just teasing you a bit and probably assumed you'd laugh and call her cheeky or something.

Depends entirely on the friendship surely?

I've got some friends who would find texts like that amusing and I too would laugh if I received such a message and others who I wouldn't dream of sending it to.

It's all about knowing your audience.

Sorry if this is a drip feed but we had a falling out a few years ago on holiday as she kept calling me fat (when she knew I was self conscious about my weight at the time).

I think me and the friend are just different people as I wouldn’t dream of commenting on someone’s weight, as a joke or otherwise.

I’ll put it down to my pregnancy hormones this time though!

Ok, after the update -

She's a bit of a twat then.

Yes I suppose it is about knowing your audience! I’m definitely not the best of audiences at the moment because of the tough time I’ve been through (which she knows about)

If you know you aren't fat, how can it be upsetting? It's a joke, you're hormonal - let it go x

I think it’s bugged me so much because she has form for putting me and others down and I know that she would be very upset if someone said this to her so why say it to someone else

Following your updates, it's clearly out of order.

If I was to receive a message like that from a friend while pregnant I would find it funny though.

I approve of ‘oh, do fuck off’ as the correct response. And for repeat offences, ‘and stay fucked off’.

This.. can't imagine saying this to anyone and I love banter.

Chill, she didn’t mean to be offensive. Poor choice of word but I’m sure no bad intent was there

It’s a joke. I would have found it funny.

When I was pregnant that was a joke I heard most days. I never assumed they meant I was actually fat. I had a fat belly. I think you're worrying too much about it.