Returning home to England was my lifeline..now I’m scared

[Dogsbarkingeverywhere]

Plan is to do up our house (live abroad) and hopefully get some profit and return to England in a few years with our young child, to be closer to ageing parents.
My family came over a while ago and my Dd seemed depressed and said for the first time ever she genuinely doesn’t want to go home. She’s quite a home bird, likes a holiday, but happy to return home, whereas I love travelling and going away.
Reading so many posts on here, most recent one about v young kids swearing and spitting in schools is just so upsetting. I would be working in schools, so feel really worried about this aspect and Dd being in classes full of kids like this

That is not the norm in schools, op, whatever you read on here.

Don't believe the hyperbole. The UK isn't perfect but there are many nice areas and good schools. If you want to move back, it will be fine.

OP, we moved here a little while ago after living in an EU country. We don’t regret our move.
Some things were easier where we were before, some are better here.
The school system here actually works better for our kids.

Can you come back for a month or so and get a feel for the place (wherever it is you intend to live in the UK)? The UK is so varied. There are pockets of deprivation with high crime levels but also many lovely areas.
Where I live is wonderful - my kids are at great state schools, we have a lot of green, open spaces, the countryside nearby is beautiful, we've always had quick and excellent service on the NHS. I'd say we have a really good quality of life. We're certainly not rich but fairly comfortable. Life would be very different if we lived in poverty.
I've worked in schools and have never, ever seen a child spit at anyone! In the primary schools I worked at I only heard children swear maybe two or three times. Seems OK to me? At the secondary school yes, some kids swear but that's always been the case. I remember kids swearing at secondary school in the 80s.
I spend a lot of time in southern Europe due to family living there. The biggest difference I notice is the binge drinking culture here. Also that people seem more slobbish/scruffy here - but obviously not everyone is and it depends how much that bothers you.

I work in a lovely school OP and there isn’t spitting (can be some swearing and hitting from pupils who haven’t got the right support and should be in SEN schools). The government do not fund schools properly and even my school now has pupils in every class who are not coping and are not receiving the right support.

It affects everyone’s education and it’s very, very sad.

I wouldn’t return to England to work in schools if you have a better set up there, unless you can send DD to private school.

As a teacher whos worked in many schools in the UK. I wish you were correct. I live abroad (teacher) and the difference is staggering. I wouldnt want my children in a British school again

Also the whole lifestyle shift is very different between my country and the UK. We have a far better lifestyle , healthcare, infrastructures than in the uk. Make sure you are moving back for the right reasons. You have your own children to consider too. Could your parents move out to you?

Isn’t there are a theory, if something goes bad you tell ten people, but if good, only two?

People come in mn for advice and tips. If things are going well, they don’t need them.

She’s probably fed up of the dreadful weather we’ve been having tbh 😂

Cost of living has rocketed- but it has everywhere? The UK certainly isn’t the only country affected.

There are challenging children in schools, but I don’t think the incidents your describing are daily occurrences throughout all schools. My children and their friends are happy and polite kids, they don’t come home with tails of pupils spitting and swearing- they’d be mortified.

Choose where you relocate to wisely, we live in the north west. House prices are reasonable, close to the seaside and surrounding beautiful countryside.

Biggest gripe is lack of dental care (I’m fortunate to have an NHS dentist but doubt I will for much longer. Gp appointments are in demand, but I’ve managed to get same day appointments when needed. NHS needs a shake up, but I’ve worked for the NHS for 20 years are they’ve always needed a shake up!

My husband and I always say we are lucky to live in the UK, we have to watch are £ more these days but on the whole live a very comfortable, settled life. (Touching wood!)

Where are you? Can I move there!

My kids primary wouldn't tolerate that behaviour for a second. It's very well run and kids are happy, safe, well looked after and well educated. State primary.

I am a governor for a school in a deprived coastal town and I visit often. I was there on Wednesday and each time I go, I'm impressed by the behaviour and politeness of the children. I'm also a governor for 2 small, linked village schools and I find exactly the same picture there.

I live about 300m from our town's large secondary school and the kids are delightful - encountering them out and about, especially before and after school, is to be greeted with "Good morning!", thanks for letting them cross the road in front of my car, etc etc.

Everywhere in the world has children whose background and circumstances have affected their behaviour. To think it's unique to the UK is silly.

Bad behaviour in schools is not universal and is concentrated in a minority of schools.

I worked in primary for seven years. In that time I encountered three children who routinely behaved very badly (violence,swearing etc) Two had quite bad home backgrounds and one was autistic.

In primary your chances of getting a badly behaved child in your class is very very dependent on where you are. Rich leafy school - if you have one it will be undiagnosed SEN.

Very deprived area eg Blackpool or Great Yarmouth - highly likely.

Equally with secondaries - private schools and grammars will have a certain amount of bad behaviour because teens are teens, but nothing serious. In comprehensives it tends to be the middle and lower sets that are really badly behaved so if your kid is high achieving they'll never see it.

I live in an area of S London routinely slagged off on MN as a shit hole , dangerous etc.

And yet it is full of friendly community minded people. The kids pouring off the buses are polite and respectful even amongst their teen boisterous- ness. My Dc went to highly diverse state primary and secondary schools, with very high levels of kids on FSM, other indications of social stress, the 3 schools we were in were Outstanding (2) and Good (1) and they did really well.

I love the huge cultural opportunities, in England we are never far from our fantastic range of rural, upland or coastal outdoors, or a vibrant city.

The last few years have been depressing. Most people continue to have excellent service from the NHS but the direction of travel and overall stats are not good.

Town centres are often less shiny, we’ve all taken to internet shopping. What do we expect?

This winter has been wet, and the cold persisted a long time. The international news is depressing and disturbing, and surely that is the same from wherever you watch.

There are problems but MN, with a high proportion of people who live on the net who are more fragile about RL than average, from not answering the front door to driving on motorways or joining the literally millions of people who live happy safe lives in S London. So I wouldn’t take MN as a significant basis of decision making.

Yes England is awful, don’t come back 🙄

Well, I guess it depends exactly where you are now as to whether things will be better or worse in England. Only you and your immediate family can decide what is best for you, but I would do extremely thorough research before making such a move. Research salaries (and don't believe the high end of the scale, assume you will get the lowest end), housing costs, supermarket prices, look at reports and reviews of the schools you would likely work in/send you child to; rent a property for a few months in the area you plan to move to so you can see what it's really like on a day to day basis. And look at what help would be available if something went wrong - what are the GP waiting lists like, can you see a dentist, can you afford private healthcare, is there a hospital in the area you plan to move to, do any of you have on-going health conditions that need to be managed? Personally, if you're happy enough in the country you are living in, I would stay there.

I can't really comment on schools, as my kids are older now and nearly out of the system. We haven't had a problem with it, but they are in a rural school.

But we have just had a really long, wet winter with lots of flooding. The climate does seem to be changing and more damp weather is a thing, especially in the North West where I live. If you are the kind of person who's mood is affected by that I'd stay where you are.

Also the health service is definitely getting worse. Whether that is under funding, bad management or the inevitable effect of an aging population, it is common to have long waits for treatment, overcrowded hospitals and I have started to feel the situation is unsafe. For dental care you will have to assume you will go private and even then it's not easy to get an appointment when you want it.

So if the weather and health service are satisfactory where you are, I'd stay put.

We’ve been fortunate to have really good state school provision for our kids, most local schools are good and all the children I see around the county are generally polite.

The difference I have noticed from when my dc started secondary to now, youngest is doing GCSEs, is the turnover of teachers is much higher and many good teachers are leaving the industry.

I would think very carefully about coming back, we did and I regret it everyday. The UK has many good points but imo it’s not the country it was.

When people go on holiday they tend to not want to go home as when on holiday you only see the best of the place you are at. You don’t live it. You don’t have to do your chores, you don’t have pay taxes, deal with admin, healthcare etc so I don’t think your sister’s opinion is in any way relevant. Nowhere is a perfect place to live or everyone would live there!

It is very expensive in England compared to wages too!

It sounds like you need to research properly - social media + one comment from your sister is not a reliable way to make a big decision.