Returning home to England was my lifeline..now I’m scared

[Dogsbarkingeverywhere]

Plan is to do up our house (live abroad) and hopefully get some profit and return to England in a few years with our young child, to be closer to ageing parents.
My family came over a while ago and my Dd seemed depressed and said for the first time ever she genuinely doesn’t want to go home. She’s quite a home bird, likes a holiday, but happy to return home, whereas I love travelling and going away.
Reading so many posts on here, most recent one about v young kids swearing and spitting in schools is just so upsetting. I would be working in schools, so feel really worried about this aspect and Dd being in classes full of kids like this

Which country are you in? I've lived in and visited a lot of places around the world and England is one of the best for quality of life. Yes, you'll read threads saying that schools are the worst ever (I have young kids and worry about this whenever I read these), but scratch the surface of any other country's Mumsnet equivalent and you will find similar posts. I wouldn't make that a factor of you returning or not. Unless you live somewhere where you can afford international schooling. I'd do that in a heartbeat if it was tenable for us!! But basic state schooling, it's the same worldwide.

OP, I think you need to keep things in proportion.

I'm a single mum with one ds. I live in a fairly undesirable area of Hampshire but we've lived here for 13 years and had no issue with neighbours, no incidents of crime.
My ds is at secondary school and has been on the receiving end of two bullying incidents in the last 5 years, both sorted quickly. I work from home 4 days a week and it works well.
Cost of Living has gone up but I'm careful, cook from scratch and we're ok.
Generally day to day, life is good.

Ok I am genuinely confused. Your family (parents and sister?) came to visit you abroad where you live and your sister doesn't want to come back to the UK? What is this spitting swearing children you talk about? You do know that the vast majority of schools over here don't have that?

Maybe they should move where you live instead if you want to be closer to family?

It seems like a weird plan anyway to move abroad and do up a house then move back to the UK. Why did you leave in the first place?

Wow how dramatic!!

@Gazelda That’s it, thank you

Some not nice responses and some genuinely helpful ones.
We moved abroad years ago (South Europe) and the plan was to return when we wanted to settle down and not move again and go back to family.
My family and sister came to stay, sister always enjoys a short break, but happy to go back in the past. I noticed a distinct change in her, she said the last 6 months or so have seemed really awful and she genuinely didn’t want to return to the U.K. (she’s never said that before)
Dd was born and raised where we are, but is young so would hopefully adapt and be happy.
I was reading a post on here this afternoon which shocked me as I had no idea it was that bad in schools. A lady posting about working in schools and being spat at and sworn at, by small children. Hundreds of posts saying it’s the same in their local schools. I would be returning to work in schools and obviously my Dd would attend school
Hope that’s a bit clearer 😊

Anyway, it’s made me feel a bit 😟as returning home was always my plan and now I’m not sure if it would be completely crazy compared to the lifestyle we have now. I do miss England though

If you live in the EU, stay there, don't come back. Much better quality of life where you are (wherever it is).

@RogueFemale V expensive where we are in comparison to wages etc

Classic internet message-board hyperbole. There are 28 countries in the EU including Romania, Bulgaria and Greece.

@Dogsbarkingeverywhere Ive lived overseas and understand the pull of “home”. No amount of good weather/lifestyle/outdoor living etc can make up for the feeling of not being at ease/home. It is a bit shit in the U.K. but I’m sure there’s shit happening everywhere. If you think you want to return to England, best do it when your DD is too young to notice any big change or not want to leave.

Your sister is not living life where you are, she is on holiday though. She is not going day to day to work, paying the bills etc. However, as PP said, if someone asked me without knowing anything, I'd say just stay where you are. It's v. expensive here, the weather is crap and unpredictable, nothing really works properly. But my kids have been to English schools all their lives. They have never experienced spitting etc in class. Would your sister and parents come to live where you are for the winter or something?

Yeah literally never experienced spitting in schools.
Life is good for us, very flexible jobs, part time working, short walk to our lovely school, in a little town full of busy cafes and independent shops, right by the sea. We just had the wettest winter on record, but had a couple of weeks of beautiful sunshine. I’m sure it’s shit in some areas, like in any country, but it’s not all shit for everyone. You just won’t see threads about the good stuff.

I want to leave again so I can't totally relate with fear of being in England long term

I've lived abroad and in two countries in the UK . I don't think UK is shit. There's a lot of great things about it. Where I live schools are excellent and I don't ever hear of teachers being attacked (I have a family of teachers) and I work with schools.

However I do think that your financial situation, community etc will impact hugely on whether you enjoy living in the uk. I'm lucky that we're financially secure and therefore have access to housing, private healthcare, clubs for dc, holidays etc. would my experience be as good of if I was struggling financially- no.

South Europe so assuming Portugal or Spain maybe ? You will notice as change , mostly in people’s atitudes towards kids , schools have become a lot less friendly and prices have gone up a lot for everything . Before making any decisions maybe come and stay 2 months or as long as you can maybe ?

@Hulanula that sounds fab. We have very invlexible jobs and would love flexible working! And no independents near me. McDs...

Id love to move... But money 🙄

So your sister has found the last six months to be awful, but in what respect, as that makes a difference?

@Hadjab Just in England she says, I think the weather was a big contributing factor though, she just says it’s miserable now, everything is miserable

@Hulanula Love the sound of that, where are you?

I think your sister is just talking and seeing it from a holiday pov if she is that miserable in the UK and where you live is so great why hasn't she moved there. Where ever in the world you live you still have to work, clean the house and pay bills. The advantage the UK has is you have family and friends. Everyone likes to say how shit the UK is but it really isn't.

@Dogsbarkingeverywhere I’m American/living in the US… to read the posts here I should have been gunned down in the street being made to pay millions in healthcare all while never leaving the county I grew up in.

In other words a lot of these posts and threads are worst case scenario and straight up fiction.

I can assure you there is not a gunman on every corner and I’m not being persecuted at every turn. I have ample vacation from work every year and do use that time to travel the world. So be careful what you base your life choices on.

What is this spitting swearing children you talk about?

There is another thread going on at the moment, where a teacher describes her current negative experience with children in school.
Many other teachers join in to say that their own experiences are very similar and how they are being sworn / spat at, kicked and attacked in their classroom on a regular basis. I think that’s the thread OP is referring to.

Maybe they should move where you live instead if you want to be closer to family?

I* *would imagine that might not be really possible? I have several friends who are immigrants and am one myself, it’s not so easy to just bring your aging parents over.

You'd be mad to leave the EU for the UK. It's really on a downward slope and state education is fairly dire in a significant amount of schools. Class sizes are too big, SEN is an ever growing proportion of the class, teachers don't have the resources they need, facilities are falling apart.

I agree. It’s like when people on here say schools/ healthcare/ whatever are sooooo much better in Europe compared to the UK. Where exactly in Europe do they mean?
In reality, it’s not even just about the poorer EU countries struggling.
I regularly read German news and the comments boards on those news sites.
Very often I see people saying almost identical things about the current situation in Germany like what people say about the UK on here - they complain about the state of healthcare, elderly care, schools, food prices, housing crisis…