Getting a doll at 50/60 years old.

[Maloneyb]

Is it just me or is it weird to see an 50-60 year old getting a doll as a gift because she’s been asking for one? And I mean now, not when she was a child…

Ive always found it weird. There is some context behind this but I just wanted general consensus.
feels like this woman I know may be going through a midlife crisis or something..
she’s losing her relations due to her own bad attitude and behaviour but is now obsessing over a doll..

she talks to it.. brushes her hair.. sits her up with her when it’s dinner time..

i mean, each to their own, is what I wish I could say but this doesn’t feel right to me.

It's strange but what do you want to do about it?

No I just want to know I’m not the only one thinking it’s weird
Its being laughed off by her closest, but I can’t help but think she needs some help!
There’s probably not much I can do

Mil got one of those life like baby dolls just before getting diagnosed with dementia

We all thought it was incredibly weird and looking back it was the first sign things mentally weren’t right

@Yalta same situation / same worry!! And now I’ve just realised dementia runs in her family!

Getting a doll wouldn't worry me, interacting this way would make me worry about her. She sounds like she might be lonely or struggling or early stages of dementia. If her MH is fine and she's not lonely or developing something like dementia then it's her own business really. Id want to make sure she's ok.

Thanks, I think this was my worry but strained relationships wouldn’t allow me to help but I can definitely encourage others to if this is the case

It can be really hard to get people to see something they don't want to, like that a loved one is struggling or developing dementia. The fact they're laughing it off sounds like they're not ready to deal with the reality yet. Hopefully talking to them will help, but Id be prepared to meet with dismissal and even hostility. Don't blame yourself if they won't take your concerns seriously.

What ‘help’ could she get though? I read this often on MN that a friend or family should get help for someone eg. ‘Martha’ from Baby Reindeer’ should get treatment. There are so many conditions and states of mind for which there is no treatment. Even where treatment exists the person themselves has to consent to it and be fully on board with engaging with it consistently. It would be illegal to force this on anyone unless they have been sectioned (which is only for very extreme situations) and in any case does not work well unless someone has real insight into their issues.

OP I agree that this behaviour is unsettling and might indicate that there is some deterioration but honestly if this happens in a family you usually have to accept it as there is nothing you can ‘do’ That doesn’t mean the family hasn’t noticed, don’t care or think it’s fine, it’s just that there are many, many things in life that you can’t ‘fix’. It’s strange and uncomfortable for you but not actually harming anyone.

Putting the dementia and behaviour with the doll together, I remember a few months ago reading an article on how it was now a form of therapy with some dementia sufferers:
www.dementiauk.org/information-and-support/living-with-dementia/doll-therapy/

So I think if she's getting comfort from it, fair enough. But if it's a person you are close to perhaps keep an eye on her for any signs of decline?

I've only come across this once in real life ~ I'm in my 60's. The elderly lady concerned used to tell everyone about her 'baby' in such detail that someone became worried and asked social services to do a check on her. It turned out that she had a life-like doll and was caring for it like a baby. She was referred to MH services and diagnosed with dementia

However I remember seeing a documentary about some ladies in the USA who have real-life dolls (I think they have a special name for them ?reborns) - they obviously did not have dementia. It seemed to be more of a hobby/alternative to having pets . . .

I know someone that has a head and shoulder collection nothing wrong with her just something she enjoys.
My aunty has a life like doll she keeps it packed away.
And someone that has a dolls and doll houses barbie and other dolls shes got a whole room for it looks like a kids room.
Her reason is she was never allowed it when she was a child shes not mad nothing wrong with her either.
It just something they enjoy like men do with little action figures so whats the differents if a woman does it.

I think by the time you get into your 50s that you stop giving so much headspace to what other people think of you. You just don't care any more.

The stuff about talking to it and so on does sound a bit weird. The immediate leap to a diagnosis of dementia is odd but not unexpected as it's the go-to on here, anyone under 40 behaving oddly is a narcissist, anyone over 40 has probably got dementia.

If you are concerned about this person's mental state in other aspects of her life then yes, it's more evidence that something's not right. Otherwise, let it go.

I think in an ideal world lonely people would be able to find some solace to their loneliness by reaching out. We all know that this won't always be possible and many will need to figure out other coping strategies. It would be better for this woman to have the right human company but as a coping strategy I think there are worse things she could be doing.

There are any number of women who have life-like dolls and treat them as real babies - not all of them can have dementia,

There was a thread some time back about someone with such a doll in a buggy on the bus and mothers with real babies couldn't get on the bus because the space was taken.

My main concern would be that dolls give me the creeps. Other than that, it's her business, isn't it?

I voted you as being unreasonable before I saw this post. I reckoned there was either a trauma background or dementia. You were really unfair to ask the question without the context

My mum had early onset dementia in her early 50s but didn’t go down the doll route, but it’s not uncommon

I’m 55 and have dolls and one of my hobbies is my dolls house.
People often put down women’s hobbies meanwhile men are spending a fortune of their train sets and bikes.

Just to say that for some people, dolls become an important part of grieving when they lose a child.

For others who are neurodivergent, dolls might be a special interest.

And of course, as others said, someone might just be very lonely. Many adults admit to keeping/cuddling/talking to a teddy bear, a doll really isn't that different.

It is considered weird in our society but I think unjustly so. Its pretty harmless & therapeutic.

Personally, I think dressing a doll up in different outfits, giving it its own wardrobe is preferable to doing the same to a dog...

It sounds weird and creepy BUT it’s her life, maybe it’s helping her, maybe she’s lonely? Live and let live, there’s far worse she could be doing.

I didn’t even think it could be dementia til PP said it so I wouldn’t have given that info anyway

Thanks for all your input. Really helpful

I have a teddy that i say goodnight to and sleep with ive had him for years.
I also have a 3 foot vintage toy dog called dog in my room i pat his head whenever i walk past him hey dog.
Im not mad im not lonely i couldent give a fuck what people think either.
Id rather have my toy dog and bear than any man.

I occasionally hanker after a doll but have never gone ahead and bought one. I just like the idea of buying her clothes and combing her hair. Wouldn’t take her on the bus though. I never had a child of my own.

I could see myself keeping my DCs dolls as I quite like making clothes for them.

I to have a thing for making doll clothes i have 4 barbies in a box that i make clothes for.
I got the babies from a charity shop.