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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having to get up at 2am for drunk husband

47 replies

Ragingbull1 · 16/05/2024 07:21

I have to be up for work at 630am, seven days a week. I’m self employed and just accept this.

However, I am being consistently woken up in the middle of the night, by the television blaring and my drunk husband passed out on the sofa. We are in a terraced house, and the neighbour next door consistently complains about noise, so I have no choice, other than to get up at maybe 2/3am and turn the television off and then go back to bed. Then he will come to bed at about 4 am and wake me up again. Then I am up for work at 6:30 am.

This isn’t all the time - maybe 5 times a month. But I’m at my wits end with it. I’m now up and working and he’s sleeping and won’t get up till about 9am.

This isn’t a complaint about alcohol- he has a very respectable job and doesn’t drink every night!

I blurted out to him this morning that this feels like abuse. A tad dramatic but I’m feeling quite violated if I’m honest.

This has been going on for many years.

Would like to know what other people would make of this.

YABU - it’s only a few times a month
YANBU - this is not acceptable

OP posts:
ConflictedCheetah · 16/05/2024 07:23

Having a respectable job and not drinking every night doesn't mean he doesn't have a problematic relationship with alcohol.

But he's also not inconsiderate.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 16/05/2024 07:23

Not that respectable if he's getting shitfaced, causing disturbance to your neighbours and waking you up at night, is he?

HereWeGoRoundAgain · 16/05/2024 07:25

No normal adult without a drinking problem binge drinks until till they're pass out drunk five times a month. They really don't.

GotchaCat · 16/05/2024 07:29

I wouldn't consider this to be acceptable. He knows you have to be up for work and that the tv wakes you up, yet he still does it.

AgentJohnson · 16/05/2024 07:30

Well the respectable job cancels out his twatery obviously.

No one is forcing you to pretend that your H isn’t an inconsiderate drunk. You’ve got into a bad habit of trying to cover up/minimise his twatery.

MrsKeats · 16/05/2024 07:31

As everyone has said he has issues with alcohol.
Poor you and poor neighbours.
I could not tolerate this. Time to get serious.

yellowsmileyface · 16/05/2024 07:34

Agree with others, he definitely has a problem with alcohol. Once a week is actually very frequent to be getting so drunk he passes out on the sofa.

I assume you've raised it as an issue in the past? How does he normally respond when you tell him it's disrupting your sleep?

YADNBU. It's completely unacceptable behaviour and it needs to stop entirely. Don't let him minimise it by saying "it's not all the time".

bloodyplumbing · 16/05/2024 07:34

He has totally got issues, respectable job or not !

But in the short term does your TV not have a sleep function where it turns off after sos y hours? Set that? But a smart plug and you can switch off from bed.

Working from 6.30 seven days a week? Why?

You've a lot to sort out, but first is your DHs behaviour.

gannett · 16/05/2024 07:35

His behaviour isn't acceptable.

I agree that the selfishness is the bigger issue; most people manage to come home drunk and still take care not to wake others up. At the very least don't fucking turn the TV on full volume, what on earth is his excuse there?

If he's only selfish when he drinks then he'll have to cut down or stop drinking. I suspect he's selfish regardless of alcohol consumption though.

Newbutoldfather · 16/05/2024 07:41

Poor neighbour and poor you!

At least, to some extent you can do something about this, but the neighbour can’t. 5 times a month is more than once a week.

He either has a significant alcohol problem or a significant lack of consideration problem, or both.

It’s neither normal nor acceptable.

Solidlump · 16/05/2024 07:45

How can you say OP that this isn't a complaint about alcohol? Even the title of your thread says the issue is about your drunk husband.
His drinking behaviour is causing problems for you and your neighbours. So alcohol is at the heart of the issue. If you have talked to him about how his selfish behaviour is affecting you and your neighbours and he either won't or can't do anything about it then alcohol is more important to him than you.
I say this as someone who left my first husband because of his drinking.

determinedtomakethiswork · 16/05/2024 07:47

Respectable isn't the word I'd use to describe him and it isn't the word your neighbour would is either. Are you mistaking going to work in a suit for being respectable?

sugarbyebye · 16/05/2024 07:47

I used to do this. Turns out I had an alcohol problem! (Now four years sober and enjoying good nights sleep).

LadyChilli · 16/05/2024 07:48

Not unreasonable and just a few times a month sounds like once a week or more to me. So many threads on here about utterly selfish men not caring the impact their behaviour has on the people around them.

It's up to you if you choose to accept this but getting the tv on a smart plug thst you can switch off remotely from your phone, or put a timer on, might bring some short term relief.

Munchyseeds2 · 16/05/2024 07:49

5 times a year would be too much for me.
I have never had to get up in the night because my DH is drunk

Newbutoldfather · 16/05/2024 07:50

Don’t get a ‘smart’ timer for your TV, get a smart timer for your marriage.

If he does it more than a couple more times, the marriage gets turned off.

Jeezitneverends · 16/05/2024 07:50

Why are you not getting him up with you at 6.30? If it’s ok for you to be disturbed then it’s only fair he has the same.

And this is ALL about the alcohol

WoodBurningStov · 16/05/2024 07:55

I know lots of people in respectable jobs, they do well, that are either alcohol or drug dependent. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

If it's impacting you this badly he needs to find a way to stop it. There's plenty of ways he can have a drink without waking you and the ndn up. He sleeps on the sofa he comes to bed when you get up at 6.30, puts a timer on the telly, the telly automatically turns off at x time, turns the volume down, doesn't drink, doesn't drink to excess, goes to AA to sort his alcoholism out, sleeps in a different room, comes to bed when you go to bed, this list goes on

Beezknees · 16/05/2024 08:21

5 times a month is a lot. A couple of times a year I'd have no issues with, but 5 times a month being passed out drunk IS a problem. It's basically every week.

I like a drink and I do get drunk occasionally but I do not get blind drunk and pass out every weekend. Him having a respectable job is irrelevant.

pootlin · 16/05/2024 08:25

He’s an alcoholic. Tell him if he gets drunk again you’re divorcing him, and mean it.

SuncreamAndIceCream · 16/05/2024 08:25

His behaviour is absolutely disgraceful

So drunk he passes out on the sofa with TV blaring? And wakes you up when he comes to bed? I would be raging.

He definitely has an alcohol problem - he drinks alcohol to excess and this causes issues for you, regularly. But if he doesn't want to deal with it not much you can do.

New rules - TV goes off after 11 and if he's had a drink he sleeps on the sofa.

FarmGirl78 · 16/05/2024 08:31

Buy a wifi smart plug linked to an app on your phone, and plug the tv into it. Program it to switch off at 11.30pm every night. If he's already dozed off it'll shut the tv off and stop pissing the neighbours off.

SilentSilhouette · 16/05/2024 09:13

He clearly DOES have a problem with alcohol. You don't have to drink every night to have a problem with alcohol!!

There is NO WAY I'd put up with this. It's disrespectful.

5 times a month is at least once a week he is doing this, and given he has been moaned at by both you and the neighbours then I think there clearly is a serious problem here.

I think I'd be suggesting some time apart until he sorts himself out. He needs to stop drinking.

Choochoo21 · 16/05/2024 10:05

YANBU

Its disrespect to you and the neighbours.

If he wants to do this then it needs to be on a weekend, where he’s less likely to disturb anyone.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 16/05/2024 10:24

na i wouldn't be putting up with that!! how unattractive honestly

deal in my house is if husbands been out drinking (he would never sit at home drinking alone in front of the tv!) he sets the sofa bed up in living room before he heads out and sleeps there so i'm not disturbed!!

I do the same if i've been out! it's just nicer for everyone

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