Is it totally fine for people to bring phones, laptops, books whatever to the dinner table?

[QuickDraining]

You sweat in the kitchen for an hour. You bring your gourmet dishes to the table. Dinner is served! Then to your dismay you watch your partner eat it with one eye on a fork the other on their phone with their head elsewhere.

YABU - People can do what they like.
YANBU - In polite society we break bread together.

It depends.

If you are eating at a table, then any device use is fucking rude.

If you are balancing your plate on your lap in front of the TV.... that ship has already sailed.

Tell him to cook his own dinner. No way I would put up with phones at the table.

We have nothing at the table that would distract from a family meal.

phones banned at the table in my house

I'm torn. I hate people bringing their phones, I don't mind books

But there is no logic to that (especially as I have kindle on my phone)

Reading massively helps me with my misophonia though. My in laws are extremely noisy eaters and don't have books at the table and getting through meals there is an ordeal.

But phones feels ruder somehow than books. But I don't know why 🤣

Absolutely no way. No screens at the table, full stop.

Well we’re a family with 2 of us with autism and sitting round a table eating would be our idea of hell without some sort of device / Tv etc- too much social interaction/ eye contact and too intense. We don’t eat at a table for this reason. But generally yes people find it rude.

We sit down to eat and chat about our day. Screens/tv have never featured in our meal times, it’s rude. Stop cooking for him. I never understand people who have to be glued to their phones at meal times.

I think it's definitely better not to have them. I do it at home, but in company or when out I wouldn't unless an emergency.

I'm 39 and my parents would still tell me off for looking at my phone when having a meal with them.

Most evenings we eat together at the table (just me and DP, we don’t have any kids) and both of us would be miffed if the other one was using their phone or iPad or reading while we were eating. We both might have our phones on the table and give them a passing glance if we got an alert or something (in practice, this would invariably be because one or both of our football teams was playing, as we each have alerts set up for when our own team scores) but no more than that. We wouldn’t ever be scrolling or texting or watching something or reading a news article during a meal. We sometimes have the radio on or listen to a podcast while we eat but that’s an agreed thing between us. Mostly we just chat.

We allow screens and books at the dinner table. I grew up in a strict family with strict ideas around food (eat everything on my plate and got smacked if I didn't) which led to an eating disorder.
There is no chance that's being repeated in my house for my children now. They can eat and watch something to wind down. We still chat during dinner and talk all the time outside of meal times.
Its very relaxed at our house.

If I was eating alone, I'd have my book with me.
If not alone, it's incredibly rude and wouldn't be allowed in my house.

We all do usually have phones with us at the table, but do still mostly sit and chat with each other rather than mindlessly scrolling.

No absolute rules, but courtesy is expected.

Last summer when one of our kids was at a camp and the rest of the family were on a city break, we took our phones to dinner with us and had a family text conversation for the duration. It was really nice.

But generally no. No phones, tablets, laptops or books at the dinner table. We talk to each other.

No devices at dinner.

No.

Unless extremely limited circumstances which is me, mostly. My very elderly dad rings at dinner time so if I have something to mention, I bring it up before dinner so it’s ready to talk about in the conversation and then put the device away. Dd tends to bring her phone to the table but puts it face down out of arms reach.

IN our family, there are two kinds of situation and they are completely distinct. On the one hand, there is no way I would think it was ok for anyone to come to the dinner table and read an online blog or newspaper or Mumsnet or Reddit etc systematically. It's never even been discussed as anything but normal that we discuss, normally. (This is dinner, btw. Breakfast, only fiends interact. Go read your online newspaper by all means, leave me alone until I've had my coffee/tea/toast!)

The second situation at dinner is that someone has to look something up: we're always a bit apologetic, but parent mentions that they need to be out such-and-such day, is that ok, and other parent, plus possibly child, needs to check their calendar, which obviously (!) these days is on their device. Or someone avers, in the course of an active if not necessarily (!) peaceable conversation, that this or that fact is true, ie say Boris Johnson was blamed by the commission or Palestine already had so many Jewish residents in year X or it was Charles Dickens who coined the line (can you tell it's exam season? and that we're all avid news readers) and we have to have someone go check and show us all on screen. In other words, if you're using your phone as a dictionary/encyclopedia/calendar, fine. One-off.

The only other situation has literally been: you are waiting for a call from your relative's doctor/other crisis. Allowed to check caller ID, but if it's a random from some friend trying to reschedule lunch next week, check and let it go to voicemail.

No, they are banned in our house. It’s often the only time the 4 of us sit together and have the opportunity to talk, nothing anti-social is allowed at the table

YABU

After an hour spent sweating in the kitchen, I would personally just as soon sit on my own somewhere and eat in silence. Maybe scroll through my own phone while I'm at it.

I feel that mealtimes should be relaxed, and nothing would be less relaxed than a meal spent trying to coax polite conversation out of people who would rather be paying attention to a book or a phone, or even watching something on TV.

The worst, though, is trying to get people to actually eat your cordon bleu creations. I'd consider a fork being used to eat food, with no complaints about onions or green bits, a win, even with one eye on a phone

We have two types of meal.

Type 1: sociable meal time. No tech permitted.

Type 2: everyone's tired. I declare anti-social mealtime and everyone reads if watches phone.

Either way I don't slave away for an hour because I learnt early on no bastard appreciates it.

In our house we eat every meal at a table together. The only thing people are welcome to bring is scintillating conversation (although mundane chatter is also accepted.) And everyone says thank you to the person who cooked the meal.

Phones at the table are unnecessary and unsocial.

It depends. Sometimes I want to sit and read and relax, sometimes I want to talk. Depends if the other person is on the same page.

I suppose it's the I'm hungry, followed by here's your food, followed by zombie munching, plate down, zombie phone use etc.

To be fair partner pretty much always enjoys their food and eats everything.

I'm not trying to impress with my cooking or anything like that.

Interesting note regarding misophonia. Partner is high level autistic. And can't tolerate the quiet. So often the TV is on. Accompanied by scrolling etc. while eating.

I just wondered what modern day etiquette was. Phones seem to be used at the dinner table, shops, the bedroom, and everywhere else these days. That it might be a non issue for many. I don't expect sole divine attention or anything, it just feels a little rude.

My brother carries his stereo from room, to kitchen, to the dining room. And also has an aversion to quiet. Or perhaps it's just me!

Depends on your family rules. Absolutely not, in my hose.

Depends on your family rules. Absolutely not in my house.