Is it totally fine for people to bring phones, laptops, books whatever to the dinner table?

[QuickDraining]

You sweat in the kitchen for an hour. You bring your gourmet dishes to the table. Dinner is served! Then to your dismay you watch your partner eat it with one eye on a fork the other on their phone with their head elsewhere.

YABU - People can do what they like.
YANBU - In polite society we break bread together.

We always have dinner together at the table and its a no screens at the table house. Even for guests!

I don’t think this is fine if you are eating with other people, maybe a takeaway pizza and a group of teenagers may be on their phones but not in the circumstances you outline.

Its utter bad manners

Phones at the table are regarded as bad manners in this house and we ask people to put them away while we're eating as we like to talk and catch up.

Most people are fine with this but we had a visitor who refused. He'd moved away and we hadn't seen him much for a few years but he asked to visit and we said we'd be pleased to see him, so yes. Despite being asked not to, he had his phone out at every meal, even breakfast, and would break off conversations to check messages and text. No emergencies or anything. We started to wonder why he'd even asked to visit if he was just going to turn his attention to his phone every time it beeped. By the time he left he'd spent the majority of his visit texting and I was really wound up. The next day, after he'd gone, I had a cleaning frenzy of the kitchen, which is where we spend a lot of time. Cleaning frenzy complete but I was still cross so me and DH spent the next three days redecorating the kitchen from top to bottom, even put new lino down. The kitchen looked great and still does 😅

It's disgustingly rude and ignorant. My DH never does it, as he hardly uses his phone anyway and has it switched off half the time! But I do think it's the height of ignorance. I know a few people whose partners do it. I'd lose my shit to be honest if my DH was scrolling through his phone during dinner.

I've got a friend who I have known for about 20 years, and when I meet her for coffee or a pub lunch, (about once every 5 or 6 weeks,) she spends about 20-25% of the time scrolling through her phone, answering texts and whatsapp messages, and actually fucking ANSWERS phone calls!

I see her for 2 hours every 5 to 6 weeks, and she can't put her phone on 'Do Not Disturb' for 2 hours, just TEN times a year!

It's putting me off seeing her truth be told. I saw her last 6 weeks ago, and haven't made contact to arrange anything yet. I have 4 other friends who I see fairly often, and they never do this!

Not in my house
So rude

Yanbu. The only meal that is an exception is standard breakfast (not special brunch) when it's acceptable to read the news. My rules are phones are left elsewhere or turned off in pockets, all adults here too. They like their food too much to object

Yes and no in our house. The thought of my children reading a book at dinner is bliss, dosnt happen though. Tablets and phones are allowed if DCs are tired and need to unwind, they eat on their own most nights. If we are having a family dinner then no, we talk.

@Pigeonqueen

Neurodiverse household here, still no screens, dd knows the rules and it often it's the only way to get her to talk when she's eating . Autism and ADHD (have both in our house) doesn't get you out of common courtesy

No phones at the table in our house.

Different severities of autism and different sensory needs do mean sometimes things have to be done differently. Your post is very ignorant.

No phones/laptops etc at the table. Actually we eat at the island. It’s the one guaranteed time of the day for us all to spend half an hour together and the conversation is easy and casual.
occasionally dinner falls during ‘an important match’ and the telly in the kitchen goes on but it’s not often, once or twice a month maybe, not a big deal but certainly not the norm.
Don’t care what other people do in their own homes, my mum was a fan of a tv dinner, tray on lap and off she went but we always had to eat up at the table.
I still don’t like eating a meal not sitting up somewhere ‘proper’!
When we first moved in to this house we ordered a dining table that took about a month to be delivered, the 2dc we had at the time ate at one of those little Ikea table and chair sets which was okay for a few weeks but Dh and I had to eat on the sofa and I felt so slobbish as I wasn’t used to not sitting at a table to eat!!

Actually, we don’t have breakfast together so people do what they want, DH is really quick as has to catch an early train so will be looking at work emails at 6.30am!! DD just takes a yoghurt to her room as she has a routine, DS inevitably sleeps until 15 minutes before college starts so sips some coffee and runs. I don’t really eat breakfast, just drink coffee whilst I do dogs body work of dishwasher, try to get laundry out before I start wfh or get the later train myself for day at office.

We don’t always eat together as DH works
away loads, DS will be sometimes at girlfriends and DD will eat with me but not always in after school, sometimes she goes ti a friend’s house. In all honesty I don’t mind eating on my own in front of the tv but it would probably be a bowl of cereal if no one is here. But yes, weekends probably all of us will be dinner at the table , definitely no devices.

Nope. Even if we're having a lazy tv dinner, it's still no phones, because we're watching something together, to laugh or play or discuss together. It's literally the only hour of the day that we have chance to all sit down together.

I had a friend who spent 90% of the time we spent together on her phone, even after I'd collected her kid or cooked for everyone, and I was the most unreasonable person ever for asking her not to.

No phones at the dinner table.
No screens at all.

Our evenings are sacrosanct. So from dinner time we sit together and talk about our day, then we play a card game and then watch a couple of TV shows together e.g. The Good Doctor followed by superstore.

Family know I won't pick my phone up to them between 7 and 9pm.

Well I’ve never seen anyone read at a family meal or watch something on their phone or iPad, but I’ve no issue with phones sitting there and if it pings with a text then answer it quickly if you wish to.

@QuickDraining

YYY to the misophonia element. Some people really need a noise or other distraction to keep them from being put off their food altogether by the sound of other people slurping/ chewing/ swallowing.

I'm "it depends". We'll often eat dinner in front of the TV if just us. If other people we'll behave ourselves. If alone I'll eat and read. I like reading with breakfast and dislike formal "best behaviour" breakfasts apart from occasionally. Why should reading a book or a phone make your dinner taste any worse than talking to someone? If I want to talk to someone I get annoyed if they have one eye on their phone but I don't think eating dinner requires that much concentration. A posh meal would probably be dining table and no books/ phones

It is one of my favourite things to scan the papers-which are now online of course- over breakfast or at a coffee shop, and discuss the interesting bits with DH.
At the table eating lunch or supper, no screens. I couldn't have silence though, so the radio will be on.

I would like the rule in my house to be no phones at the table unless someone is 'on call' or expecting a really important call

However I have one family member who insists on bringing her phone to the table and constantly scrolls . . . she is worried that she will miss out on something important but has never been able to tell me what this might be! 😖

The Jury has confirmed that bringing your mobile to dinner just isn't the done thing.

Today I served up a nice stir fry. Phone was still firmly in one hand, fork in the other.

No screens at meal times. Non negotiable. No dood upstairs. Non negotiable

Part of the act of communal eating is being present for other people.