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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I in the wrong, was I rude?

66 replies

yewpa · 15/05/2024 14:45

Me and ex took dc to playground in pub. Dc is 2. It was late afternoon and neither of us were drinking. We had mentioned on the way that we might both get a coke or lemonade as it was hot.

We got to the bar and the lady asked what we wanted but sort of looked more towards me and so I said a coke please. She immediately turned round to get it and then put it on the bar and turned to look at ex for his order. He had a miserable look on his face and ordered a coke. The lady went to get it and then put the bill through.

I was astonished by how rude ex came across and when out of earshot of the staff I asked why he thought it was ok to barely say thank you to the bar staff. He said I was the one who was rude and that I knew he wanted a soft drink too and why didn’t I turn to him to ask what he wanted before I ordered my own drink.

I didn’t really know what to say so just said that the staff member had looked at me and so I told her what I wanted and reminded him at the same time that I was also checking dd was ok and not running off etc. He said it was very rude and it’s normal to ask the person you are with what they want first, even where the bar staff have made eye contact with one of you (yes I am exhausted typing this as it seems so petty!).

I said regardless, it wasn’t the staff member’s fault and there was no need to be rude to them if he had a problem with me.

(As to why I am at the pub with ex, we take dd out once a week together which we both consider to be nice for her. I know I don’t have to spend time with him and I am questioning it after this behaviour too as it’s not a one off).

AIBU? Was I rude?! I did think perhaps if I was with a friend then I would have asked what they wanted first. It makes my head spin to be honest.

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 15/05/2024 17:38

If I go to a pub with my ex, the one at the bar first asks the other one what they want to drink.

As I would with a friend.🤷‍♀️

LakeTiticaca · 15/05/2024 17:39

You seem to be making this much bigger than it actually is. One of you maybe came across as a bit rude.
Chill out
Nobody died

dayaftertomorrou · 15/05/2024 17:58

To the pub?

As to why I am at the pub with ex, we take dd out once a week together which we both consider to be nice for her

KreedKafer · 15/05/2024 18:09

How can two grown adults make such a massive mountain out of such a minuscule molehill?

Jeez, just forget it and move on, what is wrong with the pair of you?

LadyHavelockVetinari · 15/05/2024 18:17

Shoxfordian · 15/05/2024 15:21

Why are you playing happy families with your ex?

My parents used to have Sunday lunch together with me and my sister every single week when we were children and they divorced. You don't stop being a family just because the parents fall out of love.

DinnaeFashYersel · 15/05/2024 18:20

It's really not worth getting aggravated by this. It's really petty. It's a molehill

fieldsofbutterflies · 15/05/2024 18:23

LadyHavelockVetinari · 15/05/2024 18:17

My parents used to have Sunday lunch together with me and my sister every single week when we were children and they divorced. You don't stop being a family just because the parents fall out of love.

Unfortunately that kind of set-up doesn't work for everyone, though, and it doesn't really sound like it's working here as OP says she's having second thoughts about the whole thing.

MonsteraMama · 15/05/2024 18:28

Ah yes, so nice for your daughter to get to go out to the pub once a week and watch her parents bicker about who was more rude. I'm sure these will be lovely core memories she looks back on with fondness.

Really OP knock this nonsense on the head, there is zero point doing this if you two don't get along. You were both being stupid and petty about a complete non-event. It doesn't benefit your child at all, and if anything is confusing for her. Better to just fully separate and work out co-parenting as individuals.

CheekyHobson · 15/05/2024 18:30

The whole point of breaking up with my ex was that I didn’t need to spend any more time with someone who could take offense at the way the wind was blowing.

Stop hanging out with him so often unless this is a weird outlier incident and you usually get on wonderfully.

Angelsrose · 15/05/2024 20:07

You're going to have to stop spending so much time with your ex. Otherwise you're just going to have to continue putting up with the odd and unreasonable behaviour that may have contributed to him being an ex in the first place.

OutOfTea · 15/05/2024 20:16

If you're on good enough terms to go out as a family, then you're on good enough terms to ask what he wants to drink. I'd think that was rude.

When I read your op, I wondered why you hadn't asked him when it got to that bit.

AGoingConcern · 15/05/2024 20:39

You might have been slightly rude in not asking him what he wanted. He could have given you the benefit of the doubt and smoothed it over, but instead he acted put out. You could have ignored him not being cheery enough with the bar staff for your standards but instead (for reasons that absolutely escape me) chose to chastise a grown man. You were both as bad as each other.

Neither of you are in a place to be taking your daughter out jointly. You’re both looking for reasons to be self-righteous towards the other and not modeling healthy, kind relationships for your daughter, so table these joint outings.

orangeN · 15/05/2024 21:11

greenbeansrock · 15/05/2024 14:56

Op check yourself.
look how long your thread is
about your ex
and whether or not he was impolite

surely, surely you have better things to do

Haha I had same feeling how people can write a such long post about the trivial thing HaloHalo

PeachCastle · 15/05/2024 23:01

The very definition of a Nothing Burger.

You need to get a life OP.

Alicewinn · 15/05/2024 23:04

It sounds as if there's a lot of built up resentment/tension between you as the normal thing to do would be order for both of you at the bar

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 15/05/2024 23:06

I would've done exactly as you, OP. He's a twit.

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