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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm really attracted to a man at my work

27 replies

Carly944 · 13/05/2024 20:20

I used to work in smaller offices in an industry that was mostly female. Most of my colleagues were female.

I've now moved to work in a completely different area: finance.

I now work is a very large office with a lot of men and women.

I had never really worked with men before, it's great in one way seeing men every day, but it also brings up "should I" dilemmas.

I'm really attracted to this one man at work. I'm attracted to him and I really like him

A couple of things that he has said has made me think he is attracted to me too. Or at least he doesn't think I'm repulsive.

Anyway I think about him a lot.

But I just think that it's probably not worth trying to make a move, as the potential for disaster is so huge.

If I went out with him for a little bit, then we stopped, it would probably be extremely awkward bumping him into the workplace after.

The old "don't dip your nib in the office ink"

Etc. but he's so fine. (

I guess I'll just admire him and leave it at that.

Has anyone here dated anyone from work? What happened

OP posts:
Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 13/05/2024 20:22

I'm 2.5 years with an ex colleague 😊

ElaineMBenes · 13/05/2024 20:23

Has anyone here dated anyone from work? What happened

I married him 😂

Tisfortired · 13/05/2024 20:23

I know of two cases of relationships at work. One couple of now happily married, but neither of them work where they met anymore. The other couple - one was fired and the other was relocated to another department. I’m sorry that’s not any help to you!

Id also consider he is actually attractive? Would you like him if you met him in a bar? Or is he just the most attractive guy in the office?

lightsandtunnels · 13/05/2024 20:24

Go for it OP. I first saw my DH at the photocopier and thought the same as you - he was soo fine! We've been married for 25 years 😍

livesinacraptown · 13/05/2024 20:24

Honestly I would say theirs a risk it could go wrong with the fact you work together but on another way loads of people I know have met their partners through work maybe suggest a drink together and see how you feel he may not even feel the same way

Arlanymor · 13/05/2024 20:26

ElaineMBenes · 13/05/2024 20:23

Has anyone here dated anyone from work? What happened

I married him 😂

So did I! But then he was a cheating pig, so I divorced him and had to spend the next 14 months still working for the same company as I was involved in a big project that I had to see through (thankfully not the same building or even the same campus). I came across him from time to time and it wasn’t great but it wasn’t terrible either.

jumpingjacksss · 13/05/2024 20:27

Go for it

YankSplaining · 13/05/2024 20:28

My cousin met his wife at work. They’ve been married for maybe eight-ish years and have two kids together.

Original poster
Carly944 · 13/05/2024 20:29

livesinacraptown · 13/05/2024 20:24

Honestly I would say theirs a risk it could go wrong with the fact you work together but on another way loads of people I know have met their partners through work maybe suggest a drink together and see how you feel he may not even feel the same way

Oh I'd probably never directly ask him out.

Me and my female friends are all of the opinion that you should 'drop a few hints to show you're interested, and wait for him to ask you out".

I've never asked a man out. I'd be terrified!

Yeah I'd normally think that someone probably doesn't feel the same way as me.

But he said something when we were all out drinking out one night , that made me think he is attracted to me.

Though of course he could be attracted to lots of women that work there. Who knows.

Ah well ill just let it flow and If anything happens it does.if not, it's not meant to be.

OP posts:
meganorks · 13/05/2024 20:30

If its that or OLD, I'd fo for it!

Didimum · 13/05/2024 20:36

Go for it. Find excuses to sit next to him on work nights out. Chat to him a lot in the office. Lots of successful relationships start with colleagues.

livesinacraptown · 13/05/2024 20:39

Carly944 · 13/05/2024 20:29

Oh I'd probably never directly ask him out.

Me and my female friends are all of the opinion that you should 'drop a few hints to show you're interested, and wait for him to ask you out".

I've never asked a man out. I'd be terrified!

Yeah I'd normally think that someone probably doesn't feel the same way as me.

But he said something when we were all out drinking out one night , that made me think he is attracted to me.

Though of course he could be attracted to lots of women that work there. Who knows.

Ah well ill just let it flow and If anything happens it does.if not, it's not meant to be.

Edited
Show quote history

Keep us posted hope it works out for you 😀

Yellowhammer09 · 13/05/2024 20:41

ElaineMBenes · 13/05/2024 20:23

Has anyone here dated anyone from work? What happened

I married him 😂

Same for me 😆

We still work at the same place, albeit on different teams these days

Reeceseggaddict · 13/05/2024 20:41

Carly944 · 13/05/2024 20:20

I used to work in smaller offices in an industry that was mostly female. Most of my colleagues were female.

I've now moved to work in a completely different area: finance.

I now work is a very large office with a lot of men and women.

I had never really worked with men before, it's great in one way seeing men every day, but it also brings up "should I" dilemmas.

I'm really attracted to this one man at work. I'm attracted to him and I really like him

A couple of things that he has said has made me think he is attracted to me too. Or at least he doesn't think I'm repulsive.

Anyway I think about him a lot.

But I just think that it's probably not worth trying to make a move, as the potential for disaster is so huge.

If I went out with him for a little bit, then we stopped, it would probably be extremely awkward bumping him into the workplace after.

The old "don't dip your nib in the office ink"

Etc. but he's so fine. (

I guess I'll just admire him and leave it at that.

Has anyone here dated anyone from work? What happened

I married him! 😂

Original poster
Carly944 · 13/05/2024 20:52

Thanks!

Its nice to read the nice stories.

The other thing though is - he doesn't work at the same level as me.

He works at a higher level than me.

He is not my line manager.

But he is head of the department that checks my department's work.

Part of his job is to send around an email to the whole company, saying who is doing well in my department each month.

So if I fell out with him in the future, he definitely has the power to impact my work life in a bad way. If he felt like it.

If he was at the same level as me I'd probably just make a move on a night out on him

But he is at a higher level and he checks my work.and all my department's work. So it's a bit complicated.

Those who saying they dated colleagues before, were those colleagues at the same level as you in the workplace though?

OP posts:
Oganesson118 · 13/05/2024 20:56

Given the above, you would probably have to tell work if you guys embarked on a relationship due to the potential conflict of interest there.

toomuchfaff · 13/05/2024 20:58

I work in big organisations, my last 3 workplaces have multiple married couples, i can think of at least 10 lots of married couples ive come across in those 3 companies, usually working in different departments but met and married in some cases at work.

Original poster
Carly944 · 13/05/2024 20:59

Oganesson118 · 13/05/2024 20:56

Given the above, you would probably have to tell work if you guys embarked on a relationship due to the potential conflict of interest there.

Yeah this has never come up for me before as I've never worked with men before.

What do people in workplaces do, if they want to go out, but it could be a conflict of interest in the workplace. It does sound like it would be a conflict of interest. And yet at the same time I've never heard anyone in real life say that they told their management they were dating, as it could be a conflict of interest. Does that happen?

I just don't have much experience of those kinds of scenarios

OP posts:
Psychoticbreak · 13/05/2024 21:26

ElaineMBenes · 13/05/2024 20:23

Has anyone here dated anyone from work? What happened

I married him 😂

Same.

Then divorced him.

Original poster
Carly944 · 13/05/2024 21:34

Psychoticbreak · 13/05/2024 21:26

Same.

Then divorced him.

Show quote history

Haha.

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 13/05/2024 21:35

Re conflict of interest - does your contract or staff handbook say anything about relationships? Is there some kind of regulatory body in your industry that may have guidelines or rules on this?
On a more basic level, are you even sure he’s single?

Original poster
Carly944 · 13/05/2024 21:35

Just thinking of him now.

Not to be crude but Jesus I'd ride him round the photocopier and back! He's so fine. Haha

It's probably the added bit of "I can't really go there with him as he is kind of my manager" that is adding to my desire.

I think I'll cool down! Ha

OP posts:
Original poster
Carly944 · 13/05/2024 21:36

Clarinet1 · 13/05/2024 21:35

Re conflict of interest - does your contract or staff handbook say anything about relationships? Is there some kind of regulatory body in your industry that may have guidelines or rules on this?
On a more basic level, are you even sure he’s single?

No my contract doesnt say anthing. Anyway it's not that serious.

Yeah he is single.

OP posts:
NotReallyOnFire · 13/05/2024 21:41

Can you move to a different job if you became a couple? That happened to my friend. They have been married for about 25 years and the kids have left home now. They met at work and she moved to a different retailer so he was not her manager any more.

Psychoticbreak · 13/05/2024 21:41

Mine was my manager too. We joked he was the boss in the office and me at home. He was still a gobshite in the end mind you.