How do I stop my kids (2 and 4) running around / away from me ?

[gaddi]

How do I actually do this ? I feel exposed when I am out alone with them. They think it's fun.

I avoid situations like this, but it happens sometimes, like at school pick up.

I braved going out to a pub for lunch alone with them yesterday. We sat in pickup benches and they got up a few times and thought it was hilarious to run around, away from me.

I had to chase them and just grab them both. It wasn't unsafe. But what if this happens on a road ?

The same thing happens today at pick up.

My 4 year old is fine on her own and doesn't run off, but when her brother starts doing it, she thinks it's hilarious and joins in.

I avoid this by putting the little one in the buggy. So maybe the answer is to just keep him firmly in there. I did this at the pub, until we had to go to the loo and he didn't want to sit in his buggy after.

anyway, before you start coming at me, we were at the pub at 12 pm, it was empty outside, so we didn't disturb anyone.

any advice ?

Don’t bother with lunches out alone at those ages, it’s not necessary, if you must eat out do it at soft play where it’s ok if they run away. Pick your battles

I wouldn't go to a pub with two little kids unless I was there under duress for a family/friend get-together, unless it had a park for this very reason.

I take them out quite a bit for lunches and things like that. It's normally fine, if I make sure they're cornered in and the little one is unable to escape. It's also usually a quick thing. I can't allow them to get up from the table. Of course picknick benches is different and it was outside in open space etc. we've not done that before.

But even going to the playground with both of them is extremely stressful as they dart around in different directions and then start running off when I'm trying to get them to leave.

You need reins.

Definitely for the two year old and I’d get a set for the four year old and warn they’ll be used if she runs off.

Take back control!!

You speak to them at eye level in a very quiet serious voice “we are now walking near a road and it’s very important that you hold mummy’s hand all the time.” (Praise praise praise all the time ‘well done holding mummy’s hand’ ’you are being such good children walking so sensibly” etc) Or…
“we are now going for a nice drink in the sun - would you like that? Well you need to be good children and walk nicely and sit when mummy tells you. Ok can you do that? Good, let’s go!” Praise, praise, praise. Etc

It’s about tone of voice, setting expectations and telling children, as the adult in charge, what’s going to happen and how it’s going to happen. Then you praise them when they do.

You don’t just take children somewhere and watch hopelessly when they act like excitable young children in a potentially dangerous situation. You take charge.

I would use reins.

Reins.

Just don’t do it to yourself, honestly. At those ages nothing is so hilarious. Soft play, buggy, a sticker book or something as a bribe for good behaviour will help, but… Otherwise - nope! Go out as a foursome (assuming you’re in a relationship) or moresome at the weekend.

Reins, a strict voice, a tight handhold and consequences for when they don't do as they're told. Set expectations clearly and regularly. Essentially it's the same as when you're at home and they misbehave.

Reins... Simple as that.

Strap little one in the buggy, or use reins on him.

Reins and the buggy. And they're told that if they run off, the 2yo is in the buggy and the 4yo on reins.

Win both ways - if they like that, then they're safe and not running off; if they don't like it then they know how to avoid them.

My 2 year old runs off and there's noway id attempt a pub meal on my own because it would just be stressful. He has to either a)hold my hand when walking
B) wear his reins
Sometimes he refuses both of those so option C) in the pram he goes.
He cries and screams when I get him in the pram but I try and reinforce that the choice is his.
I know he can't quite comprehend these choices maybe but I can't have him running in the middle of the road so this is what we do.

Double buggy and reins.
The 4yo will settle down when they start school.

Yes, this! I have 4 children, and my youngest (3) will run off sometimes, or ignore me if he's having too much fun. I warn him if it happens again, he's either going in the pushchair, or will have to hold my hand and have no freedom, and I mean it, and carry out the 'threat'. He's learned pretty quickly that it's better to not run away!

I'd get reins or one of those backpack reins type thing.

Reins and play the stop/go game where you say go and they can go then stop and they freeze. They think it's fun and it has the added bonus they get used to freezing when you say stop. Still works on my 9yo 😆

You don’t need reins but you take a buggy and you get firm. They either hold hands or they go in buggy/get picked up. Rinse and repeat and follow through. No biscuit after the trip etc if silly.

YANBU because you see a lot of children running near the roads and it’s so bloody dangerous.

Reins. If they keep doing it they will either end up causing injury to themselves or someone else.

What was the consequence for running off?

Definitely use your pushchair for the 2 year old whether walking with your DD or not, and I'd have her on one of those wrist straps that join you to each other.

As mentioned use reins for the 2 year old when they're playing in the park/at the pub, leave them on and just hook the strap through the back of the reigns so little one doesn't trip over.

Just before you go out a chat about behaviour and consequences, whether they understand now or not make it a habit to get into and do stick to any rules you make, counting to 10 and giving chances is a no.

The park is for them to let off steam but when it's time to go tell them you're off in 5 minutes but I certainly wouldn't chase them If they're in a safe space that's just another game to them.

They'll soon tire of it when they know you mean what you say, so no lunches out if they run around at the pub and can't do as you ask and no play ground fir a day ir so if they ignore you when it's home time.

No lunches out, picnics from now on

Parks, with a fence. It's the only way.

Reins or buggy until he learns to do what you’ve said.
Same goes for the older one. If she’s going to behave like a 2 year old she can be treated like one.

I would use reins. Especially near traffic.

When mine were that age the 2yr went in the high chair and 4 yr old sat.
I did bring things to do colouring or small toys.
Id ask for the kids food to come as soon as it was ready. And have snacks to keep them going.
It wasn't perfect and they did play up.
Good on you for going out for lunch. It will get better.

How big is the park you go to? I stuck to smaller ones where I could see my 4yr old and stick with the 2 year old.
Firm rules with your 4yr old ie if I call you, you come back. Set the expectations about leaving - put the baby in the buggy even if you have to fight and he screams… he’s safe.

Explain to your daughter that you will warn her five minutes before you are due to leave and then tell her you are putting her brother in the buggy and then going. She can have a last go on something. If she runs away give her a chance to come back ie I’m going to ask you to come back, ask again then say nothing and try to catch her and hold her hand without speaking try to get them both out the park.
Then distract, distract, distract - ohh look at that tree/flower/bird. Snacks at the ready.

I would then maybe later have a chat with your 4yr old ‘didn’t we have a nice time in the park although it was very hard to leave’. Repeat the rules.

I don’t know if any of this is right, it’s just the sort of thing I did. By the time no3 was born I had a 7 year old to push the buggy 🙈

Good luck 🍀