To think I just can’t have a hobby at the moment?

[Bitofapolish]

My dh is out of the house from 7 am to 7pm and sometimes overnight if visiting a client. He sometimes WFH but it’s unpredictable.

we have two young kids and one is just a baby. So asking a babysitter to come early evening is a big ask and not sure we could afford it. I’ve been trying to do an exercise class but then DH has to visit a client and so I can’t go.

I know it’s just one of those things.just venting.

Could you try something online? My mil and sil are in an online art group that meet every Tuesday and paint at home. A lot are carers or not able to leave the house so it suits them. Or could you talk to your dh and try to work out a night a week you can do something (eg swimming here only starts at 8 or there’s gym classes etc). There’s also weekends? Had you something in mind op?

Can you do an online exercise class? That way you aren't relying on him being home and have flexibility about when you do it?

Weekends?

Weekends aren’t predictable at all. I don’t fancy online stuff, just not motivated enough and don’t have space.

At this stage of my life I had every Saturday off for my hobby while DH looked after the kids.

What about a gym with a crèche if funds allow?

They don’t sadly. Or that could work well.

Any close pals? If one of mine asked me to watch their kids for an hour or so to go to the gym I wouldn’t mind.

Why are weekends unpredictable? Does your DH work weekends too?

Can you get a gym membership so you’re not just relying on one class at a specific time but rather lots of classes at various times and if you can’t make one that day you can do one the next day instead?
My gym has classes from 5.15am right through to 8pm Monday to Friday and then weekend mornings too so there’s always something to choose from.
I think prioritising your own health and well-being is essential especially when you have young children

What does your DH do? Those working hours are intense, most people I know who work long hours are earning really good money and can pay for some help (at the very least a gym with a crèche).

It’s the commute and he does work all over the place. So he might be doing 7-7 two days a week but if one falls on my exercise day I lose it.

I like @Gymmum82 's idea. At my local gym the monthly membership includes all classes, you don't have to commit to the same one each week.

Do you want a hobby? It’s not always possible to fit something in outside of the house, and it’s not always what you need.

Pay as you go classes - exercise, craft?

But…I know you’ll say “he can’t predict work”. But in the vast majority of cases, I just don’t believe it. It’s just not possible that work which men do is so unpredictable and difficult, and they can’t commit to any times, when work that women do can involve commitment and flexibility. He, almost certainly, could commit to one day a week when he logs off by 5 and doesn’t travel overnight. To start with, for a six week period so you can sign up to something.

I don’t know if he can, to be honest. But even so he’s just keeps forgetting which does my head in but I obviously can’t just walk out and leave the kids.

My DH works all hours of the day and night- always has- but even at his worst times, I could leave the DC with him for an hour or two while I went for a walk or class. I am certain your DH can not work on Sundays, for instance. My leisure centre has classes on Sundays.

At some point in your life, you just can’t commit to a fixed evening every week. That’s ok. Getting a baby sitter and all that for a hobby might be more hassle than it’s worth for your mental health. But soon they will be at school and you have your day back. It’s just a short time in your life.

Do you have a neighbour who can babysit?

I babysit quite often for a neighbour so she can take one of the kids to an activity and leave the other one at home with me

Her DH has an unpredictable job and is on call some of the time so this makes it easier for her to plan

When my DC were little I found that you just have to suck it up. It's a bit crap I suppose but it is what it is.

I just don't get the impression that the OP has to suck it up this much. Unless her DH is a head of state, he can plan an hour off.

Running worked well for me at this stage. I’d get ready while I was doing the bedtime routine with the kids, then I’d be out of the door as soon as came in it. Some weeks I went out more than others, but it worked. If not running, walking with an audiobook/podcast, or exercise in the garden?

You could do something like running that means you can flex it around your DH’s availability.

Or (and this would be my preferred approach) you could read him the riot act and insist he commit to being available one evening a week and all one weekend day to give you time to pursue your hobby. He had kids and he can’t be as flexible with his employer as he has been in the past, plenty of women make that sort of career sacrifice once they have kids.

I agree.

He might say he can’t. The OP might genuinely believe he can’t. But he can.

I never see SAHDs saying their wives can't take even an hour or two off. I think men always claim that they are doing incredibly important and stressful work. Well, raising DC is important and stressful too.

I’m absolutely crap at running! The other issues are that I have a bad back so not good for high impact and while I could in summer we live on country lanes with no pavements or street lights so a bit dangerous in winter.

Its true they’ll be at school before I know it.