To think I just can’t have a hobby at the moment?

[Bitofapolish]

My dh is out of the house from 7 am to 7pm and sometimes overnight if visiting a client. He sometimes WFH but it’s unpredictable.

we have two young kids and one is just a baby. So asking a babysitter to come early evening is a big ask and not sure we could afford it. I’ve been trying to do an exercise class but then DH has to visit a client and so I can’t go.

I know it’s just one of those things.just venting.

It absolutely is. But the thing is his week never looks the same. That makes planning anything impossible.

Genuinely, not everyone is in jobs where they can always just log off at 5. We have staff at work, male and female, whose schedule can change drastically in the middle if the day. If something safety-critical breaks at the other end of the country, one of them is going to fix it and probably staying away overnight.

They have a degree of ability to juggle which of them goes, but someone is.

They're pretty good at working round each others ticketed events, kids stuff, plans but I don't think 'it's the wife's yoga class' would cut much mustard.

They do, however have a strict on-call rota for weekends.

Dp's work sounds as similarly restrictive as your dps
He works in tourism so every weekend, bank holiday, school holiday, sunny day he is working He also works on the water so the work is also weather dependent and long, days off can change if the weather is bad.
His contract stipulates no holidays to be taken during school holidays other than December and February ones 🙃 people just don't understand

My dc are older primary now but when younger I had to put my foot down and buy a running machine so I could excercise at home, it was ugly, expesive and took up most of the spare space in the dining room but it meant I could feel like me.
I could could just about squeeze it into my routine this way.

I think that a hobby at set times or days is probably not possible at the moment but it won't be like that forever.

Something to look into is if the children are able to join a club together at the sports centre when baby is a bit older.

Ours has judo, swimming, trampoline, dance ect
Then while they are doing their club you could get in a quick class or gym session as well

I think you are right to a degree. My DH also has a job where even when he's at home he's on call, so I can't leave the kids. Generally speaking he does 3-4 24 hour shifts a week so that's 3 or 4 nights out of the window for me to do anything. He then has another contract with work to do 30 something hours 'on call' which means he has to drop everything and run. So that usually equates to another 2 nights I can't do anything.

Certainly nothing on a regular basis or that requires booking. I can't even squeeze in a walk every day at the moment, I work 9 - 5:30 from home, but even my lunch break gets taken up by changing the washing over and making a start on dinner, the kids come home from school starving as it is. Throw in their swimming lessons ( 2 nights a week) and I'm done just juggling it all. I won't have too long before the kids will be old enough to leave at home while I go for a walk, my youngest is nearly 5 and my eldest is 8, I reckon by the time they are 13 and 10 they could be trusted to phone me if their dad got called out and I needed to come back. It's just not my time right now.

How old are the children op? I think I'd be questioning whether your current set up is feasible and worth it. You DH works all hours, yet you would struggle to afford afford a babysitter let alone a gym membership. Could it be worth a conversation with him, to work out what your shared plans are and what you are(he is) actually working for? And that considering he isn't bringing home the big bucks, this job and these hours maybe isn't worth it longer term?
"He keeps forgetting" would piss me off too though.

@KeepYourFingersOutOfMySoup we just have high outgoings at the moment and I couldn’t justify a gym membership. Plus the gym with a crèche is a good half hour away so petrol (plus would I be honestly motivated to go!?)

In the future when both are at school that will be my time I think. I hope!

I'm a lone parent so know how frustrating it is. You can't commit to doing anything regularly, it's just out of reach.

Just a waiting game I'm afraid. I've found as mine got older I can t least read again which I'd really missed.

What about one of the very cheap gyms? Pure Gym is from £17.99 a month according to the website - there one of those near you?

It seems a bit shit that your DH's job is all consuming but you can't free up £20 a month for a gym membership. No other expenses you can cut? Groceries, broadband, mobiles, subscriptions?

Talk to your DH about how important this is to you and how he must not 'forget'. What's his working hours? Could you go early on Saturday or Sunday while he's at home with DC?

Or do you have a friend or family member who can babysit for you?

@Bjorkdidit we live remotely so while there are ones in the city I doubt I’d go if I’m honest with myself.

It is a waiting game. I am really looking forward to reading again.

How much say does your DH have in his schedule and working hours? Can he set a day where he can't do overnights, can't visit clients and can't do long days?

Possibly put in a flexible work request? Many people who have client visits/appointments do have choice if they speak up and say 'I need to go home at 4 pm on Wednesdays unless it's an absolute emergency' or whatever. It just doesn't occur to him to do so, because it doesn't occur to him that he could do it.

To be honest I think it's fairly normal not to have hobbies when you have young kids. It's something I've accepted at this time in my life - unlike OP I do have the option for babysitters and or DH taking sole care, but my dcs prefer to have me there and I want to be there for them. But I'm a sahm and I know I'll get that time back when youngest is in preschool (which starts in September, so not long to go!). In theory I could do something at home in the evenings when the dcs are in bed, but that's my admin/batch cooking/chores/online shopping time and I don't have much energy for much more.

I've started going on "exploring walks" when my DD naps in her buggy, which is sort of a hobby I suppose, I get some more exercise and see a bit more scenery.

There are plenty of online/computer activities you can do while being at home. You can join various art classes, try your hand in photography (take pictures whenever you're out and about and then learn how to edit them, there are plenty of beginner friendly editors), then there are home workouts where you don't need any equipment at all, look into Chloe Ting, she has really short (10-15 mins) videos that are quite effective, etc. If you're good at writing, you can trying working as a copywriter even.

The thing is, it's okay to feel unmotivated to do something, but you seem to really want to do something interesting, so you just need to decide what it would be.

It's so hard to find the time to exercise with young kids.
My husband WFH & goes to the gym or works out at home in his lunch break. I don't have that option.
We got an exercise bike and some free weights and I do those now. But it's still really unpredictable when I can find the time without being disturbed as if I'm at home so is my daughter.

why don't you get a lunch break?

Peloton. Even if you don’t get a bike or treadmill there are loads of strength/yoga/pilates classes. Some only 10mins so can fit in wherever

Sorry for any confusion, I do get a lunch break, but I don't work from home.

Oh my mistake @jolota. I thought you were a SAHM. I am becoming a bit militant on here, I know. I disagree that it is normal not to have hobbies when you have young kids, though.

@KateMiskin Probably my wording! I meant that if I am at home, so is my daughter because otherwise she's in nursery and I'm at work.
I just find it difficult with the reduced free time and the never ending list of things that need to be done.

@Bitofapolish I totally feel your pain. My DH has a very similar set up work wise and we never have two days the same let alone two weeks or months!

He can need to stay away from home literally with same days notice, or have to drop everything to do a site visit that he (or I!) hadn’t planned for. Throw in being on call in the evenings he is actually at home and alternate weekends, and all of a sudden you’re the default parent who has to fit around everyone else and comes absolute lay in the pecking order.

It’s shit, exhausting and demoralising, and whilst needs must as it pays the bills etc, it’s crap having to watch your own needs become impossible to meet, and I feel
very resentful most of the time. Especially when the things you’ve planned and look forward to for ages have to suddenly be cancelled with an hours notice because someone else’s work takes over.