They/them pronouns in primary school workbooks

[KellyMaureen]

I've been asked to review some resources for kids about autism. It takes the form of a workbook for primary school kids. There are two characters who are twins, one with a unisex name which is usually always spelled the same, and the other with a name that can be used for boys or girls but is spelled the usual way you would spell it for a boy. Both dressed exactly the same except for different coloured T-shirts.

Both these kids have they/them pronouns in this workbook. Is this now the norm? Will there come a time when there is no he/she? This is what this feels like. I wanted to ask that question in feedback, but I'm unsure how to give my feedback without sounding inappropriate. AIBU about this?

What are your thoughts please? This is a genuine question, and something I only feel comfortable asking anonymously so please don't accuse me of goading. I don't want to cause trouble. Thank you.

As several posters have pointed out, it is perfectly normal and grammatically correct to use 'they' (with the appropriate form of the verb) when referring to a hypothetical person or someone of unknown identity or sex. You see it in school communications all the time "If your child wishes to take part in the activity, they should write their name on the list" etc.

I'm not at all on board with all the gender identity bollocks, but I do wish people would stop trying to use grammar as an ill-conceived gotcha when they don't really understand what they are talking about.

YABU. The language is changing. It would actually be better to ditch the concept of he and she entirely as that would lead to less discrimination between the genders.

It really wouldn't. Because discrimination has never been on the basis of gender. It's on the basis of sex. And getting rid of certain words is not going to fool anyone as to which sex has the babies or which sex is physically weaker. It's also not going to change which sex commits almost all sexual and violent crime. Nor is it going to erase millennia of misogyny and sexism.

The confusion comes when there are other people in the scenario not just the main subject called Stevie.

I find it confusing and clumsy writing. Just use he or she! I am adult diagnosed with autism. I might have found social stories really helpful. I have no learning difficulties and learnt to read early so would have found this very confusing given the twins

I had and still have serious problems understanding interaction. It is hard and therefore painful knowing you can’t do something that people seem to find easy. If I could have distracted a teacher from social stories and learning about interacting to a grammar rabbit hole I would have.

Hopefully the workbook will be binned now. In this morning's Times it says that schools will be advised not to teach gender identity as it if is fact - so the silly they/them stuff will no longer be appropriate.

From the Times:

"Schools must not teach children that they can change their gender identity and should avoid “explicit” conversations about sex until they reach the age of 13, the government is to say.
Ministers will warn schools on Thursday that gender identity is a highly contested area and that teaching children about it could have damaging implications. Staff will be explicitly told to avoid proactively teaching children about gender identity. If asked, they should teach “biological” facts about sex.
The guidance will also impose age limits on sex education for the first time, to address concerns that children are being exposed to sensitive material before they are ready. It will state that children should not be given any form of sex education in primary school until Year 5, when aged nine and over."

If they felt compelled to cater for the tiny minority to whom 'gender' is an issue, they could have had a third character who went by 'they' and explained that, and why, with the twins being one male and one female. At least that way they would be owning what they were about rather than imposing their ideology as default in a mainstream that typically doesn't share it.

There are 8 different kids in the booklet, 3 are white, the rest are black, Asian or mixed heritage. Stevie and 'their' twin look mixed from the images I saw as does their Mum.

Sounds like it's written for the author themselves rather than ND kids who are going to end up baffled and confused. PLEASE tell them to bin this

I bet that's what it is then, @KellyMaureen. They have covered ethnicity and gender identity. There should be some kids with disabilities too.

I've seen a fair few books 'for children' of this kind about which I've had a fair suspicion that they're nothing more than a vehicle for the author to validate themselves and their identity and push their agenda, rather than any primary desire to provide children with fun, entertaining and/or educational reading.

The examples you've quoted sound totally illiterate. Poor kids having to deal with this nonsense.

If these are social stories about children with autism, they do include disability (though I understand that you'd like physical disabilities to be represented as well).