This needs reporting so it can be investigated

[yesthatsmyactualname]

I have been hearing rumours about an old colleague from various sources, let's call him Sid.
Sid is a gay man in his 30s. He has had a series of long term relationship with men younger than him but not crazy young, 3-5 years younger.
He is also involved in a lot of amateur dramatics. Apparently, his most recent relationship ended after he took a young guy to Blackpool for the weekend. They are just good friends but this is a lad of 18 and Sid was on the production team of the show.
Rumours about Sid being too friendly with a number of young boys. Being someone to look up to, being a mentor. It all could be completely harmless but the grooming rumours going round both the am-dram community and in schools, is a lot.
I feel these rumours should be passed on to either be dismissed and stopped or to stop him from harming children.
My colleague that told me the rumour isn't going to say to anyone in authority because they don't want to be involved or make malicious claims with no evidence.
I have even less evidence so would I be unreasonable to pass on what I've heard?

As per your update I agree it sounds concerning perhaps the safeguarding lead at the theatre can be told and they can look into it even if they just tell him to knock off the sleepovers and keep a distance with the obviously infatuated underage ones

18 year olds can go to Blackpool with whoever they like, and they often do.

If a man involved with a school is bringing 14 year old boys home for sleepovers that is clearly a breach of safeguarding policies. You should inform the police that you have been told by (and name the person who told you) that this is happening. Name the school, name the old colleague, and make sure it is all done on the record. What they do with that is up to them, but if people are happy to spread rumours about this man, they should be happy to discuss that with the police if they are interested.

Change that to "straight man is interested in young girls "
How different would that be?

some of us married people 12 years younger or older

oh i didnt read your update about the 14 year olds, thats different

Comparing it to my son's football team, as an example, there is no way in hell the kids would sleep over at the coach's house - they wouldn't want to as he's their coach/boss and he definitely wouldn't want it as he sees enough of them as it is.
They will meet up in groups for pizza or to play extra games, in public, for set periods of time, but there is a line there because he's an adult and they are more or less children.

I just don't understand why any grown man would want 14 year old boys who aren't his to stay the night. Not only because it's clearly going to lead to rumours but because it would be such a hassle. Even school camps seem to be too much for a lot of teaching staff these days due to behavioural issues.

We know some men are interested in young boys/teenagers in a sexual way.

We know that.

to me, wanting to have them sleep at his house is a huge red flag and a blurring of boundaries that exist for very good reasons. These are children. And going for the ones who 'lack confidence' is another big fat red flag.

I'm wondering why you initially posted about the 18 year old not the 14 year olds. Also, why are you even hesitating about reporting the 14 year olds to the head of the school concerned? It's either worrying or stupid and dangerous and either way needs to stop. My son is involved with school drama groups, and has to be (rightly) incredibly careful about both being and being seen to be being totally appropriate in his contact with the young people.

When it ones to drama, the boundaries are sometimes less easy to maintain than with something like football. The nature of the activity is likely to be more intense and emotional-and the relationships deeper. all the more reason for the utmost clarity and rigidity of those boundaries.

What about females in the am dram group? How does he treat them?

Why is he having teenage boys sleep over at his house? That really doesn't sound appropriate. I wonder at the parents allowing it

Yes beautifully put. Although football is also pretty intense and emotional in a different way (I say that coming from an arts background). A coach or adult in any relationship to kids at that age needs to tread so carefully. This guy does not sound like he got that memo.

Go and speak to the person who told you about 14-year-olds sleeping over, tell them you are going to report him and give their name as a source if you’re not willing to do that then you’re just another gossip

Jfc at some of the replies here.

Gay kids deserve to be protected from predators too.

Personally I think it's more homophobic to accept statutory rape as being somehow inherent to gay culture.

Agree with PP about drama being an area where boundaries can blur. So extra extra important for any adult working with kids in drama to understand safeguarding.

I despair that as a society we never ever learn.

Any person I a position if power over a young person male or female that actively seeks a relationship with them is a predator . I would I report it , probably won’t end up in anything but his name will stay on record .
And people dismissing because it’s a man and young men wow ! If this was a man behaving in a Predatory way towards a young woman people would be replying different

The thing is that it wasn’t so long ago that gay men were automatically tarred with the brush of being interested in young boys.

In my dad’s time his mum had a gay friend but it was made very clear that the boys were never to be alone with him because if he was interested in men then he was interested in boys, doesn’t matter if he wasn’t, that was the assumption.

Where I worked previously they had a gay man working in the attached nursery, and loads of the women didn’t want to put their sons in there because he was gay and so naturally had an interest in young boys/children.

I’m not saying that it couldn’t happen, but society has created this stereotype around gay men which suggests that they are naturally interest in, and therefore a danger to, young boys, and so when a rumour like this is spread it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that it could be born out of pure prejudice.

If people know that this is going on, then they need to report it. Not anonymously, if you’re prepared to spread around this kind of talk then you need to be prepared to put your name to it.

Personally I think it's more homophobic to suggest that statutory rape is somehow inherent to gay culture. The hysteria in your tone is misplaced, there have been plenty of reasoned responses to this thread.

@baroqueandblue you sound like a misogynist, there is no hysteria in her post.

I have read two memoirs recently, both by gay men, both describing brutal rapes when they were you and drunk and vulnerable. Both planned and from the way they did it, serial offenders. #metoo for gay men is only just beginning. Men rape, gay or straight. It's inherent to men and yes, yes #notallmen obviously.

*young not you.

Yes, some people were suggesting statutory rape is inherent to gay culture.

It isn't.

Hence why I'm shocked at SOME of the posts.

I don't think it's "hysterical" to be shocked at homophobia. I expect better from this forum.

Yes there were also reasonable posts.

My apologies, I misinterpreted your comment on homophobia. Because my misinterpretation got my back up, I lashed out with the word 'hysteria', although I didn't mean that mysogynistically. (Men can be hysterical on MN sometimes too. Occasionally, I'm a case in point!)

Thank you for responding with tolerance, I really appreciate (and admire) that 🙏

@baroqueandblue For the avoidance of doubt, it is always misogynist to use the word "hysterical".

Noted, thank you 👍

I hear what you are saying and I don't for one moment think that gay man=predatory paedophile.
This man took an 18 year old lad to blackpool for a weekend. Which is, of course, legal, Which many pps vehemently pointed out. However, on another recent thread regarding older men being interested in younger girls, there were howls of absolute outrage calling these men every shade of sleazy. So it seems to be a bit double standards to me!!!
Also if this man is allowing teenage boys to stay over at his flat, he is walking on very thin ice, however innocent it quite possibly is, onlookers will not see it that way.
Just like they would if it was teenage girls x

My DS, who is 23 would be "strongly advised" not to go to Blackpool with an 18 year old student he was working with. Regardless of sex or sexuality. Obviously it's entirely legal.

so he is a school teacher you are saying?