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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This needs reporting so it can be investigated

84 replies

yesthatsmyactualname · 12/05/2024 23:02

I have been hearing rumours about an old colleague from various sources, let's call him Sid.
Sid is a gay man in his 30s. He has had a series of long term relationship with men younger than him but not crazy young, 3-5 years younger.
He is also involved in a lot of amateur dramatics. Apparently, his most recent relationship ended after he took a young guy to Blackpool for the weekend. They are just good friends but this is a lad of 18 and Sid was on the production team of the show.
Rumours about Sid being too friendly with a number of young boys. Being someone to look up to, being a mentor. It all could be completely harmless but the grooming rumours going round both the am-dram community and in schools, is a lot.
I feel these rumours should be passed on to either be dismissed and stopped or to stop him from harming children.
My colleague that told me the rumour isn't going to say to anyone in authority because they don't want to be involved or make malicious claims with no evidence.
I have even less evidence so would I be unreasonable to pass on what I've heard?

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 13/05/2024 07:09

To be honest, @LakeTiticaca I personally think it's unacceptable whichever sex the 18 year old is. But unless the older man has any duty of care then there's nothing to report.

Original poster
yesthatsmyactualname · 13/05/2024 07:17

The stories go along the lines of Sid suggests the group to various boys at school to give them more confidence. This is a good thing. I'm not knocking that.
The boys range from 14 up. Sid is their "go to" person with any issues. He is their best friend and confidant. Then this is where the rumours start. He lets some of them stay over at his after shows. Some of the boys appear infatuated with him and instead of stopping this, he appears to go along with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
yesthatsmyactualname · 13/05/2024 07:20

He is on the production team of the shows. He is in a promoted teaching post. The boys look up to him. No one questions him. But hundreds of rumours locally about him.

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 13/05/2024 07:21

The boys range from 14 up. Sid is their "go to" person with any issues. He is their best friend and confidant. Then this is where the rumours start. He lets some of them stay over at his after shows.

We'll, that's very different to your OP. Yes that's concerning, and IF TRUE, should be reported, at least to the safeguarding person in the am dram group.

Original poster
yesthatsmyactualname · 13/05/2024 07:24

I know for certain about the 18 year old as it was all over social media. However, this had been building for years.

OP posts:
twentysevendresses · 13/05/2024 07:28

Sounds like a witch hunt! Rumours can ruin lives, so unless you have absolute facts OP (which you don't!) then stop!

SpringerFall · 13/05/2024 07:30

If you have actual evidence of illegal activity the police is better than a forum for reporting

Trulyme · 13/05/2024 07:32

I personally think that if a person is in a position of power and is rumoured to be having any sort of relationship with the clients, then it should be looked into.

These are grown adults but it still wouldn’t sit right with me if this was a therapist and their clients or a police officer and the people they’ve arrested/meant to be protecting.

If this was a teacher at a sixth form or college, then I would be extremely concerned and tbh this isn’t that much different.

You do have the potential to ruin this man’s career over hearsay, however I personally would need to report this just incase any of it is true.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 13/05/2024 07:33

Psychoticbreak · 12/05/2024 23:23

You could send the idea to netflix and see if they can make a show out of it.

😆

5128gap · 13/05/2024 07:36

I agree it sounds very creepy and is concerning as the young men may have been targetted for their vulnerability or naivety. But realistically what is there to disclose as its in the open anyway, who is there to report it to, and what is the actual premis of his 'official' wrong doing if the teens are over the age of consent? Sadly older men taking advantage of any power or status they have and misusing it to manipulate younger people into sex is nothing new, and almost impossible to prevent if no laws are broken. Hopefully given its not secretive this man's reputation will do the work and young men will avoid him.

itsgettingweird · 13/05/2024 07:44

I get what you're saying.

If they are rumours they need to stop because it's totally unfair to ruin someone's life over baseless gossip.

But if there is truth to it then the truth bit needs to stop because there are young children being harmed.

I'd call nspcc for advice because it can't be ignored that there may be child grooming occurring

Original poster
yesthatsmyactualname · 13/05/2024 07:48

I don't have evidence. The people who might don't want to rock the boat. They are happy to gossip about it though. It makes me feel very uncomfortable.

OP posts:
qpid5tunt · 13/05/2024 07:52

Netflixreject · 12/05/2024 23:51

Sounds familiar, are you sure Sid's name doesn't begin with P?

😂😂😂😂

Notreallybarbie1 · 13/05/2024 07:55

If he is in a teaching post and encouraging kids under 16 to stay at his house and contacting them outside of his teaching role, then this is a safeguarding issue. There should be a designated safeguarding lead in the organisation - report to them or local safeguarding hub.

LakeTiticaca · 13/05/2024 07:55

twentysevendresses · 13/05/2024 07:28

Sounds like a witch hunt! Rumours can ruin lives, so unless you have absolute facts OP (which you don't!) then stop!

But allowing teenage boys to stay over at his place is not helping his cause

Happyinarcon · 13/05/2024 08:00

Sometimes these situations can be approached by explaining to the teacher that his actions of allowing kids to stay at his house, are putting him at risk of false allegations.

TraitorsGate · 13/05/2024 08:01

What do the parents of the 14 yo want to do, have any of them approached the safeguarding team. He shouldn't be doing that but a 18 yo is different, he might be aware of the rumours so should gave the opportunity to explain.

DinnaeFashYersel · 13/05/2024 08:06

Under 18s should be reported to the safeguarding lead at the theatre and potentially the police.

18 and over are consenting adults and no one else's business.

ilovesooty · 13/05/2024 08:10

So are you alleging inappropriate behaviour with young people in his capacity as a teacher?

Noseybookworm · 13/05/2024 08:11

Is he a teacher? And the rumour is that he's having teenage boys stay over at his house? If you don't know if it's true or not, could you contact the safeguarding lead at his school & say that you've heard these rumours, don't know if it's true or not but felt like you should report it so they can investigate if necessary?

Startingagainandagain · 13/05/2024 08:11

Nobody has any evidence it seems and no teenager has made any complaint.

It sounds horribly like small town gossip against someone because they happen to be gay.

An 18 year old is an adult.

I assume everyone who has concerns has had a chat with their teenage kids to make sure that nothing dodgy had happened?

I would stay out of it as this sounds like a witch hunt.

IAmThe1AndOnly · 13/05/2024 08:13

I am always dubious of these kinds of rumours not because I don’t think these things ever happen, but because “gay man is interested in young boys” is such a cliche, and which so many homophobes trot out.

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 13/05/2024 08:18

Notreallybarbie1 · 13/05/2024 07:55

If he is in a teaching post and encouraging kids under 16 to stay at his house and contacting them outside of his teaching role, then this is a safeguarding issue. There should be a designated safeguarding lead in the organisation - report to them or local safeguarding hub.

And if someone in a teaching role is 'filtering' young people to a specific group outside of school where he is seen as a mentor-type person, then those underage young people are staying over night at his home then that has more red flags than a May Day Parade.

Both the group and the school safeguarding leads should be informed. At the very least, he needs to be told to stop the overnights to protect himself.

Given how careful teachers are about chaperoning each other these days, this detail either isn't true (by which I mean it's malicious gossip OP, not that you are lying) or he has incredibly poor judgement, or there's something going on.

OhHelloMiss · 13/05/2024 08:19

Bit of a drip drip drip feed here op

That alone makes me dubious

RandomMess · 13/05/2024 08:19

I would be interested in responses if this was a straight male teacher inviting girls of 14 to stay over, befriending them young do once they were 18 taking them away to Blackpool.

Isn't this the definition of grooming?