To go tit for tat

[Patchworkskirt]

I'm aware this may sound childish but please try not to flame me too much I can't help but feel hurt by the events. Short background story my boyfriend never invited me to his friends christening or big birthday celebration. Each time it was like an extravagant do, black tie etc. I had implied I would go with him but he sort of brushed it under the rug saying no point he wouldn't be staying long, its fine he doesn't really feel like going anyway just going to make an appearance. On these occasions he stayed maybe 3 hours or so but anyway. So I have a family birthday coming up where my whole family is having a party and part of me really doesn't want to invite him for that reason. He never invites me to anything to do with his family and it hurts to be honest. I even invited him to my cousins birthday not long ago and he said no. He is sort of hoping for an invite this time because he gets on with this particular family member but I honestly feel like saying no point I won't be staying long. Aibu? I'm sorry if I am but its always just felt like hes embarrassed by me or hiding me hes never invited me to events like this and would always attend himself

No I wouldn’t invite him, but then again I wouldn’t be with someone who kept me hidden either.

This is a weird set up. He is your boyfriend yet doesn’t invite you places or lets you mingle wih his friends and family.

how long have you been together? Have you met his friends and family?

How long have you been going out?

I don’t think you should be doing tit for tat. I think you’re adults and you need to sit down and have a mature conversation to find out if your relationship has a future and find out why you’re not being invited. Is he ashamed of you or his friends and family or is something else going on?

Your relationship is doomed.

Doesn’t sound like you should be together.

Over 2 years. I've met his family but he doesn't think to invite me to family things. Hes quite laid back and sort of plays it as though I wouldn't really be interested in going anyway as he's not really interested in going to their events but sort of has to. I've met z friends 2-3 times I've only been invited to one event and that was a funeral. Previously he has mentioned me going to things then pulled back on it again playing the he can't really be bothered going card so no point me going he will only be staying for a short period anyway. I definitely don't think its an issue with friends or family not liking me I haven't met them enough times for them to form this opinion and we seemed to get on well.

If it's this hard already, just end it.

Petty and childish what sort of a relationship is this ?

Sounds crappy

I wouldn't invite him to your family do and I would bin him too.

I'd he embarrassed about you or something? Trying to hide you?

I wouldn’t say ‘I won’t be staying long’. I’d say ‘I don’t get invites to your family dos, so bad luck’.

Then maybe have a serious chat about how committed he is. If you’re in your early 20’s and been together six months, I wouldn’t be too worried. If you've been together a matter of years, it’s a bit odd.

it doesnt sound like an ideal relationship.

what happens at christmas?

What age are you @Patchworkskirt?
All this sounds quite immature.

Very immature and childish

@KeinLiebeslied54321 35. I know it does sound childish and I hate that I feel this way but you have to understand how it makes you feel when you never get invited anywhere it hurts. It makes no sense when he is otherwise telling me he loves me like 10 times a day and wants a future etc. In relation to Christmas @Willmafrockfit we don't spend Christmas together we visit each other separately either just before or after Christmas. My family dont really celebrate it so I can't really do much my end in terms of inviting him round

I wouldn’t invite him. I’d also reconsider the relationship. Life is too short for this kind of crap. I’d rather be in a relationship with someone who shares my approach to family events.

i dont blame you at all for feeling hurt.@Patchworkskirt

Jack it in and find someone else.

Actions speak louder than words.
He doesn’t see a future if he doesn’t want to invite you after you’ve specifically told him you want to come. Nor does he care too much about your feelings when he’s willingly hurting you. You deserve better

I think tit for tat is silly and childish. If you have an issue with how he's treating you (and I would, in your position) then you need to tackle it head on and get it resolved. Raise it and discuss it until you're happy with the solution, don't let him brush you off or fob you off.

I'm not saying I never act petty, but petty behaviour is for petty issues. This is a proper issue and needs a proper solution.

There's a reason he is not inviting you, it speaks volumes.

Two years! We’d met and married in that time. Fair enough for a brand new relationship but after two years you’re part of the furniture and it should be an automatic invite.

You need thus out with him, and for the next invite , be more assertive and invite yourself along, and take no for an answer.

Or this.

I'd be highly suspicious he's hiding you, but then I'm a cynical old grump.

In any case, he's telling you loud and clear what his opinion of you is, and I'd be drawing my conclusions.

Well I don't HAVE to understand anything, other than it sounds like a very unhealthy relationship. Is it possible he's leading a double life and his friends/family are not even aware you exist? Alarm bells should be ringing. Saying he loves you is irrelevant if he's behaving in a way that contradicts that. You deserve better.

You both sound childish and he doesn’t sound like he has any drive to take this relationship to the next level. He is merely plodding along in life and i doubt you’ll ever get a serious commitment from him like children, marriage etc.