To go tit for tat

[Patchworkskirt]

I'm aware this may sound childish but please try not to flame me too much I can't help but feel hurt by the events. Short background story my boyfriend never invited me to his friends christening or big birthday celebration. Each time it was like an extravagant do, black tie etc. I had implied I would go with him but he sort of brushed it under the rug saying no point he wouldn't be staying long, its fine he doesn't really feel like going anyway just going to make an appearance. On these occasions he stayed maybe 3 hours or so but anyway. So I have a family birthday coming up where my whole family is having a party and part of me really doesn't want to invite him for that reason. He never invites me to anything to do with his family and it hurts to be honest. I even invited him to my cousins birthday not long ago and he said no. He is sort of hoping for an invite this time because he gets on with this particular family member but I honestly feel like saying no point I won't be staying long. Aibu? I'm sorry if I am but its always just felt like hes embarrassed by me or hiding me hes never invited me to events like this and would always attend himself

Who has a black tie christening 🤣

It doesn't sound like he thinks you are important enough to invite I mean most couples would invite each other to christenings and birthdays by 2 years in. I'd invite him nowhere .

@Catapultaway yes that was my thoughts at the time to be honest. Someone who thinks they have something to prove. Each to their own I guess 🤷

2 years and your still nit good enough to accompany him at family gatherings.

I wonder why?

Get shot of him and don't start playing silly games that make you look deranged.

OP if I was two years into a relationship where I felt I wanted to do that, I'd be moving on before I developed any further ties to him. Not wanting you around his people could mean a lot of things, from being embarrassed by you, or them, to wanting to keep secrets, to thinking you're a poor fit with the rest of his life. None of this is good. The fact you're reacting by wanting revenge isn't good either as you should have been able to raise your issues with him discuss and resolve if the relationship is a good one.

Ask him what his real reason is.

Even if he only stays 15 minutes at a family do, you're a couple and you attend events together. It's a bit of an odd one.

or perhaps he feels he can be a different person without you and in front of his family.
whatever reason it is uncomfortable

@5128gap @Itiswhysofew I have approached this subject with him before and he has just played the no point card. At one point he did admit he wasn't sure about us and so he was afraid I guess to have us out there in case something happened and he looked stupid I guess. I dont know this other party only happened about 2-3 weeks ago so it just confuses me

^This.

So what if he tells you he loves you 500 times a day and says he wants a future with you? Anyone can say those words, they are utterly meaningless when actions say the complete opposite.

The facts are that he doesn't want you around at his family / friends events. Childishly dealing with this by not inviting him to your event won't suddenly make him realise that actually he does want you around his family / friends.

Do yourself a favour, gather your self respect and end this relationship.

Dump him, this relationship isn’t going anywhere.

Maybe he had a previous relationship that ended badly after he had introduced her to his family and doesn't want to repeat that. "Oh what happened to Carol? Couldn't keep ahold of her?" Sort of thing. Or he could be trying to hide something about his family or himself, not the other way round. Maybe he's been hiding something that he's worried they will mention to you if given the chance.

is he embarrassed about them?

He doesn’t have long term plans for a life with you. Call it quits and find a relationship with a future.

Edit to be less blunt: he may not even realise this. But he has compartmentalised you and you are not family. It may be subconscious but it needs a proper conversation about why you are never invited.

@GoawaySunrise thats a bit of the fear too that he's worried they will tell me something idk perhaps he's said to them he's been chatting to someone or interested in someone idk your mind goes into overdrive I dont understand why because it doesn't make sense why u wouldn't have ur partner there when everybody else does. @Willmafrockfit I dont think he's embarrassed about them I have met them once or twice before and he's not the type of person to be embarrassed by friends or family. Truth be told im just hurt and dont think I can invite him as a result of it regardless of tit for tat I guess. He doesn't want me present for those special memories for whatever reason yet is planning holidays and weekends away but im just not to basically be around his friends or family but he says they all know about me etc its just the way he is

It sounds quite humiliating to not be included in his wider social life after two years.
Easy for me to say, but start mentally preparing to end the relationship and see how you feel about it.
Also keep in mind that should be able to feel comfortable to say when something bothers you but he seems to belittle and rebuff you.
You know you deserve better.