Feeling bad about child's party invites

[SummerFinally]

My child recently had a birthday party which the venue limited to so many children.
Unfortunately we couldn't invite everyone we know even though I'd have loved to but obviously close friends and family take priority.

Since the party there has been snide messages and comments about people's children that haven't been invited. I feel awful as I said, I wish I could have hosted everyone!

Has anyone else had a similar experience

Were the children invited actually his friends?; or were they your friend's children. By 9 most children have a clearer idea of friendship groupsi.
I think it's perfectly fine to only invite only 4 friends to a party if it's a small party and you have to restrict numbers. It's a shame though if there was space eg for 10 children and 6; spaces were taken up by children who are not his friends.

I’ve only known whole class invites for nursery and reception age children. Every party since has been limited numbers for various reasons. I’ve also never known anyone feel snubbed because their child wasn’t invited. Only if one child was left out can I imagine someone doing this. I think you are probably reading too much into things or your child attends a non- average school.
Either way, you need to let it go. If they really are making snide comments then they are just very immature and not worth thinking about.

Oh I hate this nonsense. Who dictates what sort of big / small party you have? All this big party stuff often only goes on in the younger years, as they get older it gets smaller as you go to more expensive go-carting / laser quest etc, then it gets bigger as you have big parties at gcse and A'level secondary. But you can still buck the crowd and have 2 or 3 friends round for tea, at any time!

It's completely normal at 9 years old to have a party that doesn't include everyone in the class, even friends. Often it's small parties or days out around here. While we even have a small class (there's 13) of them, it's still very normal for the party to be only 4-8 children.

I have been in a situation where my dd wasn't invited to a party in the past. Previous school (not current one), there were only 4 girls in the class, one of the girls had a party and invited the other 2 and left dd out. The reason being that her parents said, you can have 2 friends over after school for a birthday tea. Dd had been for a playdate recently and the others hadn't, so she chose the others. It was a bit of a tricky situation and I did feel hurt for her, but these things happen and I understand they were trying to keep it small and a decision needed to be made. No big deal, the girls were back to having playdates again just the two of them soon, dd wouldn't even remember it happening now if you asked her, I certainly wouldn't have sent any snide messages about it.

Blimey¬!

Perfectly reasonable

Take no notice

DD is 19 now so those days are long gone (sadly!)

Yes, up until she was around 8/9 we invited all of the class as this was standard with the other parents too. Typically it was either a home party or at a leisure centre so not too pricey. Once she was a bit older things naturally changed to just inviting the girls of the class and we started doing the more expensive things like makeover parties, laser tag, trampoline park etc

Don't feel bad OP. I've invited 23 out of my daughters 30 class because I had to invite her other friends outside of school too. Its what you can afford.

Did you tell your 9 year old there are X number of spaces who do you want to invite or did you say we'll invite your cousins and you can invite 4 friends? As kids get older they like to decide who comes themselves so if 8 spaces they take one space themselves so pick 7.

It’s fine not to invite the whole class or even all of the girls in the class.

You haven’t said how big the class is but if it’s a class of 6 girls and you’ve excluded one then you are very unreasonable.

I don’t believe in reciprocity but are you sure that you haven’t excluded someone who is very close to your dd? If she’s in a group of 6 girls at school and you’ve excluded one then Yabu.

You haven’t explained the out of school friends bit. Are they the children of your friends and you don’t want it to be awkward so have prioritised them or are they children who are friends with your dd eg a neighbour or someone from an out of school activity ? If you’ve prioritised your friends’ kids over your DD’s actual friends then Yabu. How many out of school friends have you invited ? If you say bought a package for 10 kids and 2 are birthday girl’s siblings then 4 out of school friends isn’t unreasonable but I highly suspect that you’ve offended someone whose child considers themselves to be a close friend of your dd.

Who are the offended parents ? If you have a niece or nephew much younger/older then yanbu but if your child plays daily with say a neighbour the same age and you’ve excluded them then they aren’t unreasonable to raise an eyebrow at your decision.

What has been said and by who? How many kids in the class and how many boys/girls? How many in her immediate close friendship group?

From what you’ve said (or not said) no one can tell if you’re reading too much into an innocuous ‘hope DD had a nice party’ type comment, if someone is unreasonably pissed off that they had the whole class and didn’t get a reciprocal invite or if you’ve been unfair inviting 4 out of 6 girls because it’s a v small class.

No need to host a second party like some of the suggestions.

From your posts, you've invited 4 classmates, does your child attend a very small school and there was a only a few that were left out, oris your child in a group of close friends and you left out a couple? Is your child closer to family friends and cousins than his classmates? I feel like these things matter as to whether the snide comments are justified or not.

You might LOL at the questions, but more context is needed to say if YABU or not.

4 out of a class of 20 is fine. 15 out of a class of 20 is not fine.

True.

You only invited 4 so didn't exclude just one or two. It is fine. Not sure who made the snide comments but I would ignore.

Just ignore it. These titty babies need to get a grip. Everyone isn't invited to everything all the time. That's life.

Nope. Most people are sensible enough to realise that resources are not unlimited and numbers are usually capped. Expecting an invitation is plain rude; I'd ignore the comments.

You don’t know that 4 didn’t exclude 1-2 kids. It’s common in private schools or village schools to have small classes. My DD is in a class of 15 with 9 boys and 6 girls, so inviting only 4 of the girls would be pretty harsh and cause a lot of upset! And I’m inclined to think it is something like this as it would explain why OP is being evasive…

this OP? “feeling bad”

no chance going from her responses on this thread! 😆

I see, well the village hall parties are getting a bit similar now. I’m looking forward to when I can pay for the party and just turn up rather than doing it all myself.

what do you currently do? how old is your child? no one forces you to do anything!

@goldenretrievermum5 were you a parent that would get cross if your child wasn’t invited to every party?

9 year olds have established friendship groups. It's long pass the time to invite everyone. Just ignore them.

i have never ever seen the birthday child of an all-class party actually look likely they are remotely enjoying themselves. Quite often tears as faras i can recall witnessing

6, I know, I am thinking of a a smaller one next year.

How odd, I have been to several this year (including hosting one for my own) and not once since have I seen the birthday child not having fun or crying 🤨