Was husband really feeling rubbish?

[Happytimes123456]

My husband and I work full time. After work yesterday DH said he feels ill so am I OK to put the girls to bed as he is going straight to sleep (they go to sleep at 7 and the children are 3 and 4 but still difficult to put to bed).
I said that's fine, so bathed them and lay with them until they fell asleep. He didn't fall asleep straight away but went to bed at around 9.
Thus morning I woke at 5.30 with the children while he had a lie in until 8 (when I woke him up).
We then went outside all together for an hour to get fresh air.
Came back and he slept 12-3pm. I am SO tired so I said can I have a nap for an hour due to early wake up.
When he woke up he said he might go to his friends house if he feels better after a shower.
In the shower he was singing and seemed absolutely fine, so said he is going to go to his friends house at 5.30pm. I said that's fine but thought it was strange as he suddenly felt so much better, enough to sing in the shower and listen to music.
It then turned into a big argument how I am being manipulative and I don't want him to socialise.
I actually do, but just feel he can't have felt that ill to all day for me to be looking after the children alone.
AIBU? Or do you think it is justified for me to be annoyed and he was being ill as an excuse to not parent today.

YANBU

YANBU he's taking the piss

Suggest he takes the children with him, then you can get some rest.

YANBU. If he felt better he should have taken over and he should do the bulk of childcare tomorrow if he was going to be fair to you.

If I've been poorly and my DH has had to do more, when I am feeling better, my first thought would be did he need a bit of a break, not rushing off so he had to do yet more

YANBU. Just another depressing thread about a selfish entitled prick not being a decent father or partner. Sorry OP.

Thank you for your replies.
He has cancelled and not gone due to our argument... he has said "I am ruining his life"
Now I feel rubbish :(

If he was genuinely ill he would have been grateful that you did everything he hints he rested and as he was feeling better would have suggested he now take over and you have a Bath or a nap of just some time to yourself.

Well that's what a normal loving husband and father would do.

Instead he walked out on you.

What is the point of him. He is a useless lump.

Shitty behaviour. See the current sulking thread and see if anything resonates.

I quite often do feel better after a day totally resting, so I don't think it's impossible that he was ill and felt better by the evening.

But it's pretty selfish to go out rather than let you have a break from the childcare.

Ofgs ruining his life?!

For starters you both should get a lie in each on the weekend, someone on Sat and someone on Sunday

Dont feel guilty - hand the kids over and take two hours in bed like he did!

next time he might think twice about trying to manipulate you!

I am so hurt by the ruining his life comment.
I never stop him from going anywhere, although he doesn't like to go out much just plays on his PlayStation almost every night.
I get the children ready every morning... and this turns into an argument every few months, a few days after he will help by getting them breakfast, then goes back to the old ways by me getting them completely ready.
I take the children out probably once every week or two weeks on play dates at the weekends so he has free time when I go out. I can't remember the last time he took the children out anywhere by himself.
This morning (and other mornings when he has a lie in, and I never do) he never says thank you to me.
Sorry, I just have no-one to talk to, but the ruining his life comment has really upset me. I feel like I must be doing something wrong but have no idea what.

This morning (and other mornings when he has a lie in, and I never do)

Do you not take turns to give each other a lie in?

You are doing something wrong - having a rubbish gaslighting husband. Sorry about that !!

you need to put you first. He won’t. Get him to do everything he can. You have a day off sick. You book into a hobby. You change shit up to suit you.

give him a kick up and arse and if he still is rubbish then look at spilting up. He might focus then

I would be telling him that he knows where the door is. That would be a deal breaker for me. I'd be wondering what he's up to.

No, I wake much more easily than him so I end up hearing the children and going out first. And then because he is still asleep I just leave him. This usually happens every Saturday and then on the Sunday I am fed up so wake him up... but he still stays in bed while I make breakfast usually.
I probably shouldn't complain about that as it is my own fault.

Stop seeing this as a "you" failure, it's absolutely a him failure.

I think the only thing you're BU about is not sticking up for yourself. You said fine about him going to his friends, but it wasn't really. You deserve rest too, so you could ask him to do the Sunday mornings from now on: wake him up when you hear the DCs and remind him he's doing that now.

In practice, though, I imagine he makes it hard for you to do this, so you do it all for a quiet life.

Tell him he sounds like a teenager when he says you're ruining his life. And you are not remotely attracted to teenagers.

I would have a long hard think about whether you want this to be your life going forward.

He's shown you he doesn't want to change.

I really don't know. I am just sick of never feeling cared for. Anything we do with the children is like a chore for him, and he always makes out as if he is doing me a favour if we go anywhere with the children.

You are being used op. He's taking advantage of your good nature. Set your boundaries higher and if he doesn't want to meet them get rid of him.

He's not meant to "help" you with the children. He's meant to parent them. That means he's gets up early to them, feeds them, takes them out.

Seriously OP, don't let this be your life.

The ruining his life comment has had exactly the desired effect. You're feeling bad about how you've behaved towards him and questioning yourself even though anyone can tell you you're not in the wrong.

He told you you're being manipulative because that's what he's doing.

He sounds like a shit partner and a shit parent. As PP said, do you really want this for the rest of your life?

I feel like every woman who comes here to discuss behaviour of her husband should state in the very first sentence whether they are a gamer. That alone is probably enough of a factor to decide if the man is a completely worthless man-child. YANBU

Dear God what a pattern manipulative child
OP you are not the first women and won't be the last but he is treating you very badly

Now does he normally do bedtime on his own because your OP suggested that and that would be slightly redeeming.

Of course he may have been ill and then recovered.
I am more concerned about him playing PlayStation (is he 14?) And his comments about you ruining his life.
How dare he guilt trip you?? How dare he!