Was husband really feeling rubbish?

[Happytimes123456]

My husband and I work full time. After work yesterday DH said he feels ill so am I OK to put the girls to bed as he is going straight to sleep (they go to sleep at 7 and the children are 3 and 4 but still difficult to put to bed).
I said that's fine, so bathed them and lay with them until they fell asleep. He didn't fall asleep straight away but went to bed at around 9.
Thus morning I woke at 5.30 with the children while he had a lie in until 8 (when I woke him up).
We then went outside all together for an hour to get fresh air.
Came back and he slept 12-3pm. I am SO tired so I said can I have a nap for an hour due to early wake up.
When he woke up he said he might go to his friends house if he feels better after a shower.
In the shower he was singing and seemed absolutely fine, so said he is going to go to his friends house at 5.30pm. I said that's fine but thought it was strange as he suddenly felt so much better, enough to sing in the shower and listen to music.
It then turned into a big argument how I am being manipulative and I don't want him to socialise.
I actually do, but just feel he can't have felt that ill to all day for me to be looking after the children alone.
AIBU? Or do you think it is justified for me to be annoyed and he was being ill as an excuse to not parent today.

I’m sorry.
The only way to get him to pull his weight is to locate him tasks in the morning and at the weekend, so that if he doesn’t do them he can recognise that he’s slacking because you won’t pick up the slack on his agreed tasks. It might be for example he does one bedtime (which is what he should’ve done tonight) at the weekend, and two during the week. You could get up with the children for a little play, if you insist, and a cup of tea. And then he could get up and give them breakfast, while you go back to bed for snooze.
Of course you have ruined his life, you with his children- replacing his hot girlfriend with a mother. Some men just don’t see evolving into a family as beneficial to them.
Off out to his friend indeed after a day in bed- cheek of him!

He's a prat, and you need to start leaving him alone with the DC to prepare for what every other weekend will be like when you leave him.

So if the DC wake up early, you can get dressed and take yourself off to the gym/ swimming pool /whatever takes your fancy. If you remain in the house you will be the default parent.
When you've done whatever it is you fancied doing, you can call him and tell him you are off to do the food shopping unencumbered,, and then meet a friend for coffee and take your own sweet time about it.
Suggest you meet him with the kids in the park for a picnic afterwards.
Then you'll feel more chilled about him having downtime later on in the day.

Id of suddenly caught what he had and won't be able to get out of bed until at least mid day tomorrow and gives him bonding time with the kids

Don't be my sil.
She is stuck with a useless man child of a husband and her kids are now early to mid teens.They can't separate coz neither will move out.

He is a lazy, selfish wanker

'just plays on his PlayStation almost every night. '

Horrific man child

I find that repulsive.

Why did he get himself a wife and family if he still one's to be a spotty teen in his bedroom playing on his PlayStation?

That's a massive cringe.

You'd be better off getting rid of him and getting an au pair.

You ASKED if you could have a nap
mistake no 1, you TELL him you are having a nap !

he had an early night, a lie in and a nap !

so obiv you are having YOUR nap the minute he gets up from his.

and if your nap is 3 hours long so be it, he may have to start / do teatime himself...

This needs addressing! (calmly)

He should have been grateful you held the fort so he could rest today, not gas lighting you into feeling guilty.

Down time has to be fair. You need a day of resting/ sleeping or doing your own thing. ITS YOUR TURN!

Children are lovely but let’s face it, they’re hard work! There needs to be a fair split in the work load of family life.

If you can’t establish a fair division, then your (understandable) resentment will result in you losing all respect or attraction to your husband.

You’re a single married woman OP. I had one of these. Last 7 years of my life have been the best ones I’ve been single because I got rid of him and found my self respect. He sounds like another child.

Did you manage to have a nap when you asked him to watch the girls?

He does sound like he doesn't like the hard bits of family life, but that's not your problem. I mean who does? we just get on with it because we wanted our families

There’s no point arguing about whether he was Iill or not today- you’ll go round in circles.

You both need to work together to parent and that includes you both having downtime, he can have a Saturday lie in, you on Sunday for example.

Make it clear you feel taken for granted as the main carer and you need things to be fairer. Decide on some ground rules.

Accusing him of feigning illness today won’t get to the crux of this. (although I think it’s highly bloody likely he was !) you’ll just end up arguing again.

Good luck- you sound knackered and at the end of your tether. 💗
Now the girls are in bed, relax , have a bath and get an early night. Don’t wait up for him x

He is a selfish manipulative prick.

Also this, in a nutshell 😂