Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be livid with exH

35 replies

Hibbiskibbidibop · 10/05/2024 21:22

NC due to outing info.

On the weekend I reported my ex to the police for sending an inappropriate image to my DD. Police came to interview on Tuesday. I told him I was going no contact. He will not be having it now unless he applies via court, then I will let them decide after reviewing the evidence over the years as to what contact he should have.

Tonight I had to go take my DS2 to football training. He was there with his fiancée and her son. My son and his played on opposite sides of the field as they're different ages. Exes side finished early, so he came over and stood watching my DS2. Fine. Nothing I could do without making a scene and wouldn't want to.

We then went to leave and he followed us, shouted of my boys and then blocked them leaving out of the gate. Asked them for a hug, my honest son was okay with this. My middle son tried to move and he put his hands out to block him moving past, so that he had to hug him. I told him he was pushing it and he ignored me.

He's so creepy it's unbelievable. He never listens to consent or respects boundaries. Keeps asking DD if she has her period and to tell him when she does.

I am so fed of him getting away with everything. There's lots of back story but this is outing enough as it is. I feel like I'm going mad as he always makes me feel like I'm blowing things out of proportion. I don't know my own mind any more.

OP posts:
Fluffytoebeanz · 10/05/2024 21:29

Is he their dad? It's a bit confusing. But yes he sounds like a revolting creep.

RandomButtons · 10/05/2024 21:32

“I feel like I'm going mad as he always makes me feel like I'm blowing things out of proportion. I don't know my own mind any more.”

Classic gaslighting, he’s made you question everything. Have you got friends you can hash this out with, get an external perspective? He sounds a menace.

Original poster
Hibbiskibbidibop · 10/05/2024 21:33

Fluffytoebeanz · 10/05/2024 21:29

Is he their dad? It's a bit confusing. But yes he sounds like a revolting creep.

Sorry yes. He's their dad

OP posts:
drusth · 10/05/2024 21:34

Is this the man who send his dd a pic of him in his underwear?

Send an email to yourself documenting his behaviour, keep a record of it all.

Original poster
Hibbiskibbidibop · 10/05/2024 21:34

drusth · 10/05/2024 21:34

Is this the man who send his dd a pic of him in his underwear?

Send an email to yourself documenting his behaviour, keep a record of it all.

Yes, but there wasn't any underwear. He was naked.

OP posts:
Starseeking · 10/05/2024 21:36

What on earth?!? Your DD's father sent a naked picture of himself to her???

drusth · 10/05/2024 21:37

Did the police say he was allowed to contact the dc?

MissUltraViolet · 10/05/2024 21:38

This is disgusting.

Why have the police not done anything? why has he not been arrested? at best he should be on bail right now with conditions that keep him well away from the children/all children while they investigate.

WaltzingWaters · 10/05/2024 21:39

Hibbiskibbidibop · 10/05/2024 21:34

Yes, but there wasn't any underwear. He was naked.

Show quote history

What??? Jeez, what a bloody perverted creep. He sounds, well yeah, like a perverted creep. You’re right to do everything in your power to keep him away from your DC.

Octavia64 · 10/05/2024 21:40

Suggest a solicitor and a non-molestation order,

You can get it through pretty quick if necessary.

StormingNorman · 10/05/2024 21:43

His behaviour is disturbing and abusive on so many levels.

Your decision to go no contact and take it to court is entirely justified.

I would go so far as to try to get a restraining order.

strangewomenlyinginponds · 10/05/2024 21:44

I'd move, to the other side of the planet if I had to.

slaggybumbum · 10/05/2024 21:46

All children are deemed at a risk, not just your daughter. Him refusing to let your son past suggests he is very controlling.

Fucking disgusting cunt- what did he say when the photo was discovered?

Do you have support from police SS?

I would tell them neither you, nor you children feel safe from him.

Original poster
Hibbiskibbidibop · 10/05/2024 21:54

I'll give more info:

DD was spamming him with stickers (you use photos from your gallery to make them) of herself. He sent about 8 back. One of them was from when he was younger. He was fully naked sat in a chair with hands over privates. He says it was an accident.

As no genitals on show I was unsure of the legality of it. I asked the police and they logged it. Came and interviewed DD. Not heard from them since.

OP posts:
Amandasummers · 10/05/2024 21:56

What am I actually reading? Was the photo being sent to your dd intentional? What’s the context? I’m so confused as to how this has not not escalated quicker and that he is still free to be in touch with any of you?

Original poster
Hibbiskibbidibop · 10/05/2024 22:05

Amandasummers · 10/05/2024 21:56

What am I actually reading? Was the photo being sent to your dd intentional? What’s the context? I’m so confused as to how this has not not escalated quicker and that he is still free to be in touch with any of you?

He hasn't confirmed if it was or wasn't intended, but he told me to "just take a step back and realise it was a mistake ".

He said it was because a family member had just died and he wasn't thinking straight. Said family member has been dying for a long time.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 10/05/2024 22:10

He sounds absolutely awful.

GrumpyPanda · 10/05/2024 22:21

Are you the poster who keeps getting waylaid at school.pickup?

misszebra · 10/05/2024 22:24

ah? a family member dying means its okay to send sexually explicit images to a child?? what a freak.

Original poster
Hibbiskibbidibop · 10/05/2024 22:26

GrumpyPanda · 10/05/2024 22:21

Are you the poster who keeps getting waylaid at school.pickup?

No, not me. That sounds awful.

OP posts:
Pikapikapikachu11 · 10/05/2024 22:28

Hope things get sorted for you op

Hankunamatata · 10/05/2024 22:30

You say he was younger in photo. Like a small child or teen?

Original poster
Hibbiskibbidibop · 10/05/2024 22:34

misszebra · 10/05/2024 22:24

ah? a family member dying means its okay to send sexually explicit images to a child?? what a freak.

Indeed.

There's been so many incidents over the years and he's gaslighted me to death. One was when two separate members of the public reported him to soft play staff who called the police. They thought he had hit my DS. DS was talked to at school but he has autism which they didn't take into account then as he wasn't on the pathway then. So he got away with it.

If you saw him or spoke to him, you'd never believe me. He appears meek and has plenty of friends etc. He's not charming but he's not off-putting either.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hibbiskibbidibop · 10/05/2024 22:35

Hankunamatata · 10/05/2024 22:30

You say he was younger in photo. Like a small child or teen?

About 20-22. I was familiar with the photo but can't remember if we were together when it was taken. We were together from 21-30.

OP posts:
LifeExperience · 10/05/2024 22:44

"I feel like I'm going mad as he always makes me feel like I'm blowing things out of proportion."

He's perving on HIS OWN DAUGHTER and you think YOU might be blowing things out of proportion?!

He's creepy and disgusting and your children are not safe around him. STOP LISTENING to the guy who sent naked pics to his daughter. He's sick and disgusting. Keep him away!