To think actually, kids DO cost a lot!

[Onth3fence]

Me and my DH are giving serious thought to being one and done. We are expecting our first baby at the moment.

The topic of conversation came up with some family members who all had 2-3 DC and were very adamant that they are, I quote, ‘as expensive as you make them’ and having more doesn’t make much difference financially.

I just can’t see how (other than possibly hand-me-down clothing) that that could be in any way true.

Surely the more you have, the more the average family has to divide resources? And it is all the consumables x2.

We both pretty much earn the UK average wage. This is unlikely to improve hugely and that is fine, we enjoy our careers and the work-life balance we get in return. When I return to work childcare is going to be a huge cost, even if the funded hours come to fruition it will only be a small saving. Most daycare is around £70-90 a day here. Child-minders a bit cheaper, if you can get one.

I don’t see how we would finance a second in the early years. If we wait until our first is school age, we will still presumably need to have wraparound care for mornings and evenings plus 1/3 of the year that they’re not in school to find childcare for.

We want to be able to put savings away for them to help them when they need it, such as for education, driving or buying their own home. I’m not talking private school or gifting a whole deposit, more uni accommodation fees & a small leg up onto the housing ladder.

I can’t imagine we are at all alone in this predicament, as much as it would be wonderful to have more than one I am not sure if that supersedes the chance less help, less experiences and opportunities for the first, less holidays for all of us and eye-watering nursery bills for longer. To me that just seems like a really big compromise to make?

In theory yes dental treatment is free. I've also found myself going private for a child. And a similar amount of money.

The NHS wait would have been at least 9mths, but kid was in pain, what do you do, let them suffer or splash the cash?

I get the cost of stuff for residential, my DC we didn't know anyone we could borrow, rain jacket, waterproof trousers, from other stuff was joggers and jumpers/ hoodies, water shoes.

It's the big bits that make a difference. Two of you - nice little flat is fine. 3 kids - house with a garden oh and it needs to be near a nice school. Childcare in the early years is expensive and then uni later on.
If people get down in the weeds with cost of clothes and karate lessons it's easy to see why they think kids are cheap!
We cut out a LOT of discretionary spending tk have kids - we'd go for nice cars and restaurants, buy expensive clothes (still high street, not designer but from the "naice" shops)
We don't miss it, sounds a bit wet but our priorities changed and our lives are rich in other ways.

We didn’t do any activities, couldn’t do anything on weekends, our clothes were from market (cheapest possible) no computer for years. It was shit and boring. Tbf it was probably also about what kind of people my parents are.

Kids are expensive and they only get more expensive but I’m very conscious of DD having access to things I didn’t, it’s really important to me that she gets to try new things.

I was one and done.. childcare costs alone with 2 parents working full time was enough to make it entirely impossible to afford more!

I think you can't make the decision to have one or two kids based purely on finances. The benefits of your dc having a sibling and to you as parents may well be worth the financial sacrifices.

I say that as a parent of an only child.

I'd wait and see how it goes having one baby as it is very hard to imagine what that's like until they are here.

Plus I do agree to an extent that baby's and kids are as expensive as you make them. I was always happy to accept second hand baby things, clothes etc. Even as a teen dd hasn't cost me loads as she's had a pt job since she was 16yo so has paid for her own driving lessons.

My parents had 4 and always say this to me, which is frustrating because I remember being a child / teenager and frequently having much less than my friends, being unable to go on trips etc.

I have two - ages 4 and 1. Two is definitely more expensive - food, clothes and shoes, nursery fees, costs of holidays or days out. It all adds up!

We are also already starting to plan for the future - uni, cars / driving lessons etc and obviously - two means double the savings than one.

Finances are the sole reason we haven't / won't have a third!

Children are flipping expensive and yup I think 2 children are more expensive of course. Possibly not twice as expensive but…:

2 sets of school uniform (can have some hand me downs but tbh my children ruin clothes pretty quickly and have different shoe widths).

days out cost more

people less keen to babysit/ help o it with 2 children than 1

2 lots of outside of school clubs, hobbies to coordinate driving to etc.

they eat loads!

holidays for 4 compared to holidays for 3….

you can Do it more cheaply but if you’re used to aboard holidays, doing certain things and then can’t do them again for a really long time because you have 2 children it could make you pretty miserable tbh.

Also I think it’s generally easier to just do stuff with 1 child tagging along. 2 children everything revolves around them if that makes sense.