To think actually, kids DO cost a lot!

[Onth3fence]

Me and my DH are giving serious thought to being one and done. We are expecting our first baby at the moment.

The topic of conversation came up with some family members who all had 2-3 DC and were very adamant that they are, I quote, ‘as expensive as you make them’ and having more doesn’t make much difference financially.

I just can’t see how (other than possibly hand-me-down clothing) that that could be in any way true.

Surely the more you have, the more the average family has to divide resources? And it is all the consumables x2.

We both pretty much earn the UK average wage. This is unlikely to improve hugely and that is fine, we enjoy our careers and the work-life balance we get in return. When I return to work childcare is going to be a huge cost, even if the funded hours come to fruition it will only be a small saving. Most daycare is around £70-90 a day here. Child-minders a bit cheaper, if you can get one.

I don’t see how we would finance a second in the early years. If we wait until our first is school age, we will still presumably need to have wraparound care for mornings and evenings plus 1/3 of the year that they’re not in school to find childcare for.

We want to be able to put savings away for them to help them when they need it, such as for education, driving or buying their own home. I’m not talking private school or gifting a whole deposit, more uni accommodation fees & a small leg up onto the housing ladder.

I can’t imagine we are at all alone in this predicament, as much as it would be wonderful to have more than one I am not sure if that supersedes the chance less help, less experiences and opportunities for the first, less holidays for all of us and eye-watering nursery bills for longer. To me that just seems like a really big compromise to make?

Possibly when they’re older? A bigger age gap helps. I had my second when first is school age. She has all the hand me downs. It’s fine! It’ll be more when she actually eats more than breast milk and travel will cost a lot more (I do miss holidays abroad). Uni is so far away not sure what that will look like, but that’s what gap years and saving are for.

YANBU, at 15 and 10, I think DCs actually cost more now than as little ones: food, loads of extra curricular, clothes, gadgets, gifts, school trips, etc. (I know lots are optional) means I've had to give up on some little treats, although I know some of what my two do are lifestyle choices. I am already telling them - often - I'm looking forward to payback when I'm in my old age and they're earning. I fear this won't be the case

Oh absolutely! People will tell you they are optional on here but tbh I don’t think that’s realistic. A 15yo without any gadgets/phones at school would feel embarrassed. Clothing and tech matters to kids, doesn’t it!

You might be surprised, too. My parents gave everything to me and my sister that you are giving to yours and joked similar things, we like to treat them when we can and take them away on city breaks and weekends away. 🥰

It depends massively on your expectations and how you live. If mum only worked part time in a shop on minimum wage, once she’s given up work, that’s the main hit. Adding more mouths to feed is exactly that!

if you’re both carrying on your high salaried jobs, then there’s going to be a multiple of childcare fees or possibly a nanny.

Helping out with uni, house deposits and driving lessons are all optional. We want to help out with those things but it wasn’t the deciding factor in how many kids we had. It was my sanity.

so you’re both right!

I couldn't afford my second. But she was a happy surprise. I'd rather my son had a sibling and the love and affectionate between them is worth so much more than money.

To an extent I suppose they are correct that you can make DC cost more or less. A child who is state educated, does no after school activities, wears second hand clothes, goes on no holidays, shares a bedroom with sibling(s) and shouldn’t expect financial help for driving lessons/car/university/house deposit will cost significantly than a privately educated child who will be bought a car, house, multiple holidays and university education.

The first child though is still overall an expense. They aren’t free. And the more you have of them the more the overall expense will be. Just less in comparison to child 2.

They cost a fortune. We paid for both to attend nursery full time, and now one child is at Uni and paying for that, with another to attend in a couple of years. Our kids have cost a huge amount, and I can’t see how it could have been any cheaper

We made the decision we could only afford 2… pregnancy number 2 was twins so we now have 3. Although we have less money, there’s so much laughter in our home I really wouldn’t change it.

you never know what’ll happen so just go with whatever feels right.

I think the choice to stay at home is now becoming much more feasible for many people due to rising childcare costs. The average nursery in my area now charges over £90 a day. For those on a lower income it is simply unaffordable. I know many people who are choosing to have one person at home until their child turns 3 and childcare becomes more affordable.

Have you checked what your entitled too hun?

Most people I know with more than 2 time their babies to maximize their benififts and time they can have with the little ones. If you do it right you don't get cruelty forced to go to work when you have babies too look after and get the most out of your UC etc. that's what its therefore after all.

@Onth3fence the average cost of raising a child to 18 for a couple is over 160k. I guess there are some economies of scale if the second child is the same sex as the first (hand me down clothes etc), but probably not significant.

Recently I saw it at 250-300k

@Onth3fence I'm now fully planning my future city break experiences!!

Nursery plus school fees will cost us about 350k alone. It is manageable for one but not for more as we have no family help. As it is the education bill takes up nearly 700k of pre-tax income.

I wouldn’t change it for the world though.

The cost of raising a child is estimated at £166,000 for a couple, so they aren’t cheap!

Of course they are, we both work fulltime, so while technically ours don’t cost us much above the usual clothes etc, in reality we’re both half a wage down, if you think about that as money lost per year its a significant amount.

They way people look at it is that you have, let’s say, £300 a month for the kids clothes, shoes, extra-cirriculars. You have the same amount if you have one kid or 6 kids. With one kid, they can have branded clothes, more activities. With 6 kids you have to do hand me downs and kids maybe have one cheap activity. They consider the cost of those big ticket items the first time they purchased them and they are saving that money.

Kids cost an insane amount. It’s all the knock on effects too. So you have a parent out of work to take care of them, with one child that’s 4-5 years. With 3 kids that’s 10-15 years. That’s triple the amount of pension contributions that have been lost. Not to mention potential career progression. We are paying £1000 a month in childcare and our pension contributions are at the minimum as a result. We wouldn’t be able to afford a second until the first was in school, but we still aren’t suddenly going to be able to afford nursery, wraparound and increase our pension contributions. I’m in my thirties, I don’t expect there to be a state pension when I retire. For us, any more children will not only limit how much we can help our DC get started in life (driving lessons, uni, house deposit) but also how poor we will be in retirement.

You shouldn't have to keep them in Nikes. Want expensive things, wait until they can afford them themselves.

I mean you must surely know that lots of people don't have their DPs covering those costs when they're adults as two of yours are! I guess the residential costs were for the teen which is fair enough.

My DPs certainly never paid for my passport renewals, dental fees or anything towards driving lessons or anything similar for me as an adult and I would never have expected them to.

I feel exactly the same way and am just sticking with one, not just for those reasons but it does play a part. I’m going to focus my resources on to my one DC and give them the opportunities I never had, without having to compromise.

My children are 9 and 6 and my opinion may change as they get older but I've always found that the most expensive thing is the loss of income if one parent stays at home or goes part time, and/or the cost of childcare. I pay approx 3k a year for childcare now my children are both in school. But I am working 30 hours a week earning 32k, if I was full time I would be earning 40k, so you could argue it's costing me an additional 8k. I'm a single mum and my ex doesn't contribute consistently, so I'm only taking my income into account here.

Then you need space for them - a baby is happy in a Moses basket next to your bed for a few months but soon enough they need their own room. Then if you have another child of the opposite sex, they can share for a few years but eventually they'll need their own room. Same sex siblings can potentially share indefinitely but you may want them to have their own rooms. Where I live, 3 bedroom houses are a good 50-100k more expensive than a 2 bedroom.

I'd say that's all pretty expensive. And that's without all the costs of additional food, hit to your pension, clothes, school uniform, any unpaid leave you need to take, a bigger car because your 3 door fiat punto won't cut it, car seats, prams, school meals, pocket money, toys, tech, games, shoes, furniture, not to mention paying the extra to go away in school holidays (if you can afford a holiday by this point)! And in future, any contribution to uni costs (the more you earn the more you'll have to subsidise them) and whatever else teenagers and young adults need/want - my kids are not old enough to give an opinion on this yet. Depends what you can afford of course, my colleague just spent £400 on 10 driving lessons for her 17 year old.

That being said, I wouldn't change it. My two are the light of my life.

But YANBU

They cost more than you think and not all of the “hacks” are always an option. We have a four year age gap and ours are the same sex, which saves a lot with clothes, but as they stay in clothes for longer they get more wear and not all are suitable to be handed on.

We have found costs have rocketed in the last year as DC1 (8) eats almost adult-size portions and DC2 eats proper child-size portions. And we seem to be going through a phase of DC2 growing out of something before DC1 has stopped using/grown out of theirs, so having to buy another one…. And yes, you can buy things like scooters second-hand but not car seats.

That’s before we get onto school trips, residentials, new beds and new size bedding (DC2 is above the weight limit for their cot bed now; DC1’s bed needed replacing, both had to have mattresses too - that’s probably £1000 we hadn’t anticipated spending this year!), extracurriculars (swimming lessons x 2 and preschool gymnastics = about £120 a month)….and then the fun days out and so on. I admit not all of these things are essential (beds aside) but it does add up.

£87k is the total cost of childcare for my DD from 8 months to end of year 6. Nursery from 8 months then breakfast and after school club when at school 4 days a week. Holiday clubs for half of school holidays.

I havent got a spreadsheet for anything else as too depressing.

Maybe with young children it's ok, but I can say from experience that it's fairly miserable being a teenager who doesn't cost a lot.

I think that's the point though, that you want to put money away for them for certain things, when other families (possibly your relatives with 2/3) would rather have multiple children and spend it on raising them and not saving.