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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is an odd diet?

31 replies

EveningStars · 10/05/2024 14:45

Not a weight loss 'diet', just to be clear. It also has no connection to financial issues or lack of availability locally.

My Dsis and her DH (both in late 50's) used to eat meals she prepared, mostly fresh but affordable. What I'd call an average, healthy diet. Over the past decade or so her DH's tastes changed, eventually reaching a point where they accepted not sharing meals together any more as she preferred to carry on as usual. He is a decent guy, doesn't have any health issues and doesn't seem to have changed in any other way.
He jokes about how he eats as he can see that it's a bit different to the rest of the family, so isn't uptight about it outwardly. It's just a bit unusual in how it has evolved over recent years.
There is also nothing 'wrong' with his food choices exactly, it is more the attitude to it that has altered. Some examples:

Will only eat tinned food, including very cheap soup, beef, baked beans, meatballs, peas, hotdogs (B&M's, etc). The meat meals are almost always served with a tin of peas or baked beans. Often the hot dogs float in tins of chicken soup. A few buns/rolls accompany the meal.
This never changes and has a strict routine, so the rotation of them never varies. There is no interest in regular (un-tinned) vegetables or fresh meat, cheese, eggs or fish. He doesn't eat dessert of any kind nor snacks, except a few chocs at xmas. He does drink alcohol twice per week, usually red wine or beer.
No food allergies of digestive issues and is only slightly overweight.

Food choices are really personal and this isn't a critique or cheap shot at him. We all have our foibles. I was watching a few episodes of freaky eaters, or something of that ilk, and noticed a few younger people who could only eat chips or only ever ate sandwiches, etc. He does remind us of this a bit!

Like I say, otherwise a pretty regular guy, although quite routine focused. I wouldn't' say it has badly impacted their relationship but Dsis LOVES cooking, and whilst he always compliments her on that, he will politely never join in - and I mean never!

My thoughts are that he doesn't like fuss and prefers a very quick way to prepare food (just warm it up!) but it puzzles me why he doesn't occasionally enjoy eating anything with Dsis at all. What I wouldn't tell my Dsis is that it looks weirdly 'bachelor' like to me, as if psychologically he is pulling away from a fundamental thing that pulls people together, if that makes sense?

Has anyone experienced this gradual shift in a middle aged person, and does it strike anyone as a bit odd?

OP posts:
giveitago82 · 10/05/2024 14:46

i imagine that he uncovered a digestive problem that impacted his diet, and you aren’t privy to the problem

giveitago82 · 10/05/2024 14:48

do you like him out of interest?

and not close enough to your sis to have ever raised this with her?

giveitago82 · 10/05/2024 14:50

oh and the marriage sounds unhappy but you haven’t been confided in

coxesorangepippin · 10/05/2024 14:51

Yes it's a bit odd but it's really his choice

Personally I'd find it quite infantile

IdaPolly · 10/05/2024 14:54

Could it be to do with contamination? He perceives tinned food as protected and clean but fresh veg etc as open to germs?

takealettermsjones · 10/05/2024 14:54

Well my armchair diagnosis (😂) is that it sounds like OCD. Does he worry about contaminants, pesticides, or food poisoning etc? It's not worth getting involved in, though.

Swansridinghorses · 10/05/2024 14:56

Agree my first thought was OCD

ImFckingMattDamon · 10/05/2024 14:56

Did he over prep during covid lockdowns and is now eating his way through the soon to expire tins that werent needed? 🤣

EveningStars · 10/05/2024 14:57

With respect, a lot of presumptions there! As far as I am aware he doesn't have any allergies or gut issues. It also doesn't affect their lives much, it is only one element of it on the whole. They are pretty good together I'd say.
The food thing is odd to me though. Many yrs ago he used to make his own sauces, bread, cottage pies, pasta meals which were delicious. It is a weird change, I think.
We have both asked him about it over the years and he just says it's 'what he prefers'. In real life this is no more than a peculiarity, but I am the curious sort who wonders if it is psychological in some way.

OP posts:
EveningStars · 10/05/2024 14:58

ImFckingMattDamon · 10/05/2024 14:56

Did he over prep during covid lockdowns and is now eating his way through the soon to expire tins that werent needed? 🤣

Lol, no! He does joke about that though! He just loves his tins. One of their cupboards is his specified tin store and it has been known for a few to topple out and clop someone on the head Grin

OP posts:
fedupandstuck · 10/05/2024 14:59

Do they ever eat out?

It sounds like an obsessive behaviour so maybe OCD. The textures of tinned food will be similar and limited, the same as the flavours - as well as being consistent.

I'd be really quite bothered if my DP would never eat a joint meal of home cooked from fresh food with me.

Colombie · 10/05/2024 14:59

One of the good things about being an adult is you get to make your own decisions.

My autistic child has been struggling and one of the consequences is his diet has shrunk. He's gone from eating a varied diet to the same 2 lunches every day. If we can find a way for him to be happier in future, maybe his diet will expand again. Someone needling away at his diet change would be spectacularly missing the big picture. And it really isn't anyone else's business.

Just let him be. They have found a thing that works for them. Itcs not typical or ideal but it doesn't seem a million miles different to a married couple deciding to keep separate bedrooms. For some that spells the start of a divorce, but for many of us it's a perfectly good way to live. This is not something you need to get involved with.

EveningStars · 10/05/2024 15:01

I hadn't thought of OCD, he actually has a lot of issues there in general, like returning home from a holiday early to check something that was not at risk, etc. I had not thought of connecting that behaviour.

In response to a few pp's, he doesnt fear contamination or anything like that.

OP posts:
giveitago82 · 10/05/2024 15:01

With respect, a lot of presumptions there!

this made me chuckle

you asked basically asking us to make presumptions about why!!

EveningStars · 10/05/2024 15:02

giveitago82 · 10/05/2024 15:01

With respect, a lot of presumptions there!

this made me chuckle

you asked basically asking us to make presumptions about why!!

Well that is fair!

OP posts:
AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 10/05/2024 15:02

blimey, imagine his salt intake!

giveitago82 · 10/05/2024 15:02

i’m guessing you don’t like him
and you’re not close to your sis

now this is presumptuous but am i right?! laugh

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/05/2024 15:03

It may be psychological but it may also just be convenience and learning with age that you can do what you like: when I was younger and thought cooking was something adults were expected to do I used to spend ages prepping and cooking until it struck me what a waste of time it was spending an hour and £10 of ingredients making a meal only to spend 7 minutes eating it and not enjoying it any more than I would have enjoyed a can of soup or picking at a rotisserie chicken.

If they’re happy, it’s fine. DH and I prepare and eat pretty much all our meals separately and neither of us really cook. We spend plenty of other time together, but cooking and eating food isn’t among those. Neither of us is very food motivated and we have different routines. It doesn’t have to be some big problem.

EveningStars · 10/05/2024 15:05

I must hate him and my sister - are you drunk already?

OP posts:
EndorsingPRActice · 10/05/2024 15:07

How did he eat as a child / teen? Is he reverting to comfort foods from childhood? I’d let it go if I was you, though personally I’d find it tough, I like sharing food and eating out and no way would I eat hotdogs in chicken soup! Are they still going on holiday / away from home for a few days and what does he do then?

loropianalover · 10/05/2024 15:09

Food is so simple for some people and so not simple for others. There are an endless list of habits and quirks and preferences that people cycle through when it comes to food.

He might have a gut issue you don’t know about, he might have developed intolerances over the years, he might be sick of thinking about food (buying groceries, managing the freshness of everything, prepping food, storing food). Food can be tiresome and if you’re tired in life/work then food is an easy thing to put to the side by just eating tins, convenience or takeaways.

When I get stressed out I lose all appetite and live off waffles and beans. I grew up with my dad trying all types of flavourful spicy dishes on holiday, as he’s gotten older he won’t even have a bit of garlic bread as it doesn’t agree with him. My brother ate only cheese pizza and noodles until he was 22 and now he’s an amazing cook and loves Asian style meals from scratch.

His food habits could change again in a year, or they might never change again. I wouldn’t think any further on it tbh, it makes no odds to you really.

EveningStars · 10/05/2024 15:11

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/05/2024 15:03

It may be psychological but it may also just be convenience and learning with age that you can do what you like: when I was younger and thought cooking was something adults were expected to do I used to spend ages prepping and cooking until it struck me what a waste of time it was spending an hour and £10 of ingredients making a meal only to spend 7 minutes eating it and not enjoying it any more than I would have enjoyed a can of soup or picking at a rotisserie chicken.

If they’re happy, it’s fine. DH and I prepare and eat pretty much all our meals separately and neither of us really cook. We spend plenty of other time together, but cooking and eating food isn’t among those. Neither of us is very food motivated and we have different routines. It doesn’t have to be some big problem.

Edited

Thanks, this is interesting. Their marriage is great to the best of my knowledge, so in 'real' life this is mostly an amusement (someone bought him a 20 pack of Heinz stuff for his birthday!). I do think it is weird to never want to share anything though and the OCD thing does fit.

I know his own sister well and she is a chef, lol. I can see your point about not having to share meals and still have a great routine. Not everyone likes prepping food and that definitely has something to do with it.

OP posts:
Ilovemyshed · 10/05/2024 15:11

Why would it be any concern of yours?

Dramatic · 10/05/2024 15:14

EveningStars · 10/05/2024 15:01

I hadn't thought of OCD, he actually has a lot of issues there in general, like returning home from a holiday early to check something that was not at risk, etc. I had not thought of connecting that behaviour.

In response to a few pp's, he doesnt fear contamination or anything like that.

Definitely sounds OCD related, you might not be privy to the inner workings of his mind, so he may only have contamination fears in regards to food.

EveningStars · 10/05/2024 15:15

Yes, could be a reverting to comfort thing. Ive experienced similar phases with other stuff in my life.

Why post it here? It's interesting I suppose. Unusual quirks are sometimes!

The person who mentioned salt intake - surely not all tinned stuff is riddled with it? Say, single items like peas or beef mince?

OP posts: