When did you know it was time for divorce?

[FluentRubyDog]

Just that, really... starting to really consider it, and I'd appreciate some examples to see if my compass is pointing in the right direction. Any contributions are much appreciated.

Just to add to @jackstini 's post, the thing I've learned from being in an EA marriage is that no one should put up with a partner that makes you feel like shit every day. It can be subtle like guilting you into doing the washing up all the way up to calling you names, verbal assaults, gaslighting, all that. And yes YES to that sinking feeling when you hear his key in the door. The treading on eggshells. Dealing with his immaturity. Him not being able to deal with anything difficult without exploding. No-one should live with that.

In response to sone of these posts, I didn’t want my children to come from a broken home either.
I think that’s why I tolerated so much.
My ex h was never violent or abusive. The dcs loved him and so did I, but he never put us first.
Even his friends said he had the absolute life if luxury. They told him he had a wife who did virtually everything and I include all the gardening, cleaning the car and decorating in that as well as childcare and housework. Yet he carried on as if he was single. Going out without us, spending money on drinking, socialising, nights out with me, weekends away with me or the dcs.
Eventually it just got too much.
After saying he didn’t want to married with children he is now married to someone else and she had 4 dcs!
The same as others he fought the divorce. Made life as difficult as he could. Refused point blank to see the dcs. Stopped laying child support.
Told the dcs I was a bad parent ( after telling me I was an excellent mother). Ranted to the dcs about how come none of my friends spoke to him, yet every single one of his friends still spoke to me.
Told the dcs he would make life difficult for me.
Ranted at dcs saying how come they like my new dh so much.
How come they don’t like his wife.
Refused to sit next to me at ds’s graduation.
Told the dcs that his new family were his family now and they had better get used to it.
My dcs don’t speak to him.
He trys to contact them.
The new wife said he sits crying.
His own sister no longer speaks to him but sees my dcs and we still speak.

Some people are just crazy.

That should say without me.

@Whycantiwinmillionsandsquillions 🫂

A lot of this rings very true, for me the tipping point was my 38th birthday. He hadn’t got me a present (normal), he always said “oh I’ll take you for a weekend away” and he would, once I’d sorted the childcare, researched where we would go and found the hotel. This time when he said that I rolled my eyes and he got all defensive and said, “well I was making you breakfast in bed as well”

He went downstairs and came back up with a bacon sandwich on bread with ketchup and a white coffee.

I have bacon sandwiches toasted with brown sauce and take my coffee black.

14 years together, 10 married and he couldn’t make me a coffee…

I’m knew it was time to leave my first husband when I had been away from him for a few weeks. At the end of my time away, I went to a friend’s for the weekend. As I left her house to go back home to my husband, I cried my eyes out. I had had a lovey time and I didn’t want to go back to him. There wasn’t one bit of me that wanted to go home and see him. I preferred time away and alone than time at home with him.
That was the moment.