Is this nursery arrangement unfair on dc?

[Hen10toten]

ds will be two in december. I took a year mat leave and he went into nursery three days a week age 1. He’s now 18 months and seems to love it. I have managed to use annual leave (we get quite a bit), to continue to take every Wednesday off into he is 2. So he will do four days in nursery from 20 months to 24 months.

After he is 2 I need to work out what to do. I hate the idea of him being in nursery all week. I’m struggling to be ok with four days a week which will start soon.

I worry five days a week is too much for a two year old? I am a single parent and ex doesn’t do anything except a few fun days out with ds so I really am alone in this decision. I could feasibly afford most scenarios but obviously less work would make things more of a stretch. Worrying, any advice?

Children tend to accept what their days are like if he's happy for 3 days he'll be happy for more. I think it is you who has the (natural) is he really ok without me for 5 days worry ? If he is safe and happy then l would accept that. The time you spend with him is about quality not quantity.

Don’t feel guilty, my eldest was in full time nursery 5 days a week from 5 months, I simply had to work to pay the bills. She’s grown up fine! 😊

All four of mine were in full time from 1. It wasn’t detrimental to them in any way

Both mine were full time from 1 and absolutely fine. That quite the norm at the nursery they went to as well.

I wish now I’d maybe cut my hours down and spent more time with them when they were little, but equally maintaining my career meant we can afford holidays, I don’t have to worry too much about unexpected expenses etc. I think there are always compromises, but it all works out in the end.

My DS went 5 days for at least 2 1/2 years, he loved it. Never saw a single downside to it.

My DD (9) started nursery full time at 8.5months, and DS1 (7)) at 13months. Both were fine and DH and I continue to have lovely relationships with them. DS2 is also due to start full time from 13months at the end of my mat leave. It’s normal, it’s healthy, and it sets them up really well in terms of peer social relationships, relationships with other adults, skills for school. You don’t need to feel guilty about it at all. It’s much more important that you are able to provide financially and emotionally, being well rested etc. I am convinced most people only experience ‘Mum guilt’ around nurseries because social media tells them they should. Very little Dad guilt out there, or guilt about leaving DC with grandparents 5 days/week.

He's two. Until he reaches the age of 12, his idea of normal will be whatever his life is.

And why on earth would you think 5 days at nursery would be "too much"? It's nursery! They get to play and learn and socialise with other small people, and be fed and hydrated. Heck, they even throw in an afternoon nap. Every single day.

It wouldn’t sit well with me either. But if you’ve got no choice you’re here for people to reassure you.

In my experience children who are stuck in childcare full time from a young age often have problems of some sort. The kids in my Son’s class who were in nursery full time from 18 months all have ‘behaviour problems’.

I wouldn’t have a child just to have to stick them in nursery full time.

Mine went full time from 3 months and so will my twins.

Of course it’s fine, it’s nursery.

DT’s went to nursery full time from six months old. We didn’t “stick” them there - we chose an excellent nursery with amazing staff - two became our babysitters and long term friends. They went to nursery so we could go to work and continue with our careers.
Neither DT’s or any of their friends from nursery had any behavioural issues.
DT’s are now in their early 20’s - well adjusted, happy, healthy successful adults.

Could you afford a nanny ?
Maybe that would suit you better as you would not have to rush him out of the house in the morning and he could stay home in his own environment for longer, he could go home during the day for a nap if needed and the can do his dinner ect, he can play with his own toys ect.

No one regrets spending too much time with their kids, lots do come to regret not spending enough time with them when they could have.

They are only little for a short time, these first few years are precious and key to the people they become - my personal view is that if you can afford to work less and enjoy your little ones while they are little - then do it. You are unlikely to regret it. You can increase your days when they are at school every day.

Strange that mine don't and never had behaviour problems. DD1 was a stroppy teen for a couple of years but the other 2 sailed through childhood and all 3 doing well in young/ young adult life.

And there wasn't so long of maternity leave then so mine were in full time all before 6 months ( 13 weeks in case of the eldest)

So I don't think that's a very good study a few of your sons schoolmates.