Page 2 | Annoying school mum

Mama211609 · 2024-05-09T21:47:16+00:00

Sooo i cant decide if i am just being totally unreasonable, however there is a mum from my children's primary school, who i hardly know but she messages me all the time! Her son is in my sons class she is by no means horrible she means well...but i just dont like her ....shes just not my sort of person? She constantly Messages me random things and asking for us to go places...ive said no every single time of the 100 times shes asked yet she doesnt give up? I think the thing that annoys me the most ....is she asks to meet up and go to certain places with her just as she cant drive and wants me to ferry her and her son about?! i feel like saying shes very odd is a bit mean? but im at the point where i avoid her at all costs and cant bare to spend anymore time around her than needs be? How do you politely ask someone to leave me alone without being/sounding like a total b****? Its driving me insane

Frangipanyoul8r · 13/05/2024 21:45

Just ignore her messages then reply 2 weeks later and say “oh sorry I totally forgot to reply I’ve been so busy”… then repeat until she gives up.

badatdecisions · 13/05/2024 21:58

Honestly if it was me I'd meet up and be so annoying she wouldn't message again.

PorridgeEater · 13/05/2024 23:05

Just say you're too busy / have other commitments.

Polishedshoesalways · 14/05/2024 04:34

Stop answering

StockpotSoup · 14/05/2024 09:14

SometimesIDowonder · 10/05/2024 10:35

Socially incapable hence not being able to drive?!

There are many reasons someone might not drive.

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Mumsnet HATES a non-driver. You could be CEO of a major company, raising three children single-handedly and running a national charity on your side, but if you can’t drive, you’ll be slated for your lack of “life skills”.

Btwmum23 · 14/05/2024 14:24

Wesel85 · 13/05/2024 20:12

I have just moved to a new place, half way across the country with my family and thought it would be easy to make new mum friends due to my children ages.

I find that If I'm not forward enough or don't engage and take the initiative other mums tend to ignore me, which can be rather disheartening.

I'm not sure how any one makes friends these days when so many mums on here saying to just ignore messages ect.

On the other side of that coin tho sometimes you just don't click with a person I always think being honest and direct without being too harsh is the best way to go.

This is the reasons British people are considered among the most unfriendly. It is sooo hard to make friends in the UK, with respect with making friends in Spain, Greece, Italy, but even US or South America. People here writing to be suspicious of people who wants to make friends too quickly. Like really??! Others just think it is acceptable to ghost someone just by not replying to WhatsApp and blocking messages (which I’d also plain rude). People do not have to be friends with everybody but they can just graciously and politely let them know. Also in many countries before doing that, people go out and organise social activities, as you never know the new person might end up your best friend, or the son could become the son best friend. You get cold after you get to know them and establish you have nothing much in common… how do you make new friends otherwise? How do you expand your horizons and speak with new people and learn new things? People who have always same friends for years without ever meeting anyway new scare me.

KreedKafer · 14/05/2024 16:52

maybe she is a little socially incapable? hence not being able to drive

What on earth does the ability to drive have with being 'socially incapable'? Driving isn't a social skill. It's operating a piece of machinery.

NiceUnusualDifferent · 14/05/2024 17:03

Has she said she's wanting you to drive or are you just assuming?

That aside no-one owes anyone a friendship if they don't what to

Wishingitwaswinter · 14/05/2024 19:15

You dont like her but you don't know her. You sound a joy.

Gagaandgag · 14/05/2024 20:06

What started it all off? How did she get your number?

StockpotSoup · 14/05/2024 21:09

Btwmum23 · 14/05/2024 14:24

This is the reasons British people are considered among the most unfriendly. It is sooo hard to make friends in the UK, with respect with making friends in Spain, Greece, Italy, but even US or South America. People here writing to be suspicious of people who wants to make friends too quickly. Like really??! Others just think it is acceptable to ghost someone just by not replying to WhatsApp and blocking messages (which I’d also plain rude). People do not have to be friends with everybody but they can just graciously and politely let them know. Also in many countries before doing that, people go out and organise social activities, as you never know the new person might end up your best friend, or the son could become the son best friend. You get cold after you get to know them and establish you have nothing much in common… how do you make new friends otherwise? How do you expand your horizons and speak with new people and learn new things? People who have always same friends for years without ever meeting anyway new scare me.

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But the OP has politely refused several times already. How many times does he have to do it to avoid being considered rude or “scary”? How much time does she have to devote getting to know strangers because “you never know”?

It’s not about never meeting anyone new. But maintaining close friendships is hard work. I met up with some of my closest friends at the weekend to watch Eurovision, and it was the first time we’d seen each other in two months. It’s rare that we go that long, and we’d all like to see more of each other, but the reality is that two of us have had promotions this year and are working longer hours, another is working away from home, a third has had health issues… that’s before you even factor in family commitments and the fact that we have other friends outside the group we want to spend time with too. Spending time with someone I don’t particularly click with just in case I might get to like them means less time to spend with the people I already know I like and who I want to see more often.

It’s not about not wanting to make new friends; or at least, certainly not just about that. It’s about how you want to invest your time.

funinthesun19 · 14/05/2024 22:23

StockpotSoup · 14/05/2024 09:14

Mumsnet HATES a non-driver. You could be CEO of a major company, raising three children single-handedly and running a national charity on your side, but if you can’t drive, you’ll be slated for your lack of “life skills”.

Show quote history

And then in their next breath they are moaning about the planet and how humans are destroying it. And then they go back to moaning about people who don’t drive. 🤣

Hmcs · 15/05/2024 12:13

could you maybe such suggest a visit to a local park for the kids
then you don’t have to take her
and you can make your excuses and leave when you’ve had enough

SnoqualmieRiver · 15/05/2024 12:19

'who i hardly know but she messages me all the time'

Yet you have her your number! Bizarre.

Just block the number.

SnoqualmieRiver · 15/05/2024 12:20

Gave not have ^

BingoMarieHeeler · 15/05/2024 12:33

SnoqualmieRiver · 15/05/2024 12:19

'who i hardly know but she messages me all the time'

Yet you have her your number! Bizarre.

Just block the number.

I would say about 200 people I don’t know have access to my number via various WhatsApp groups.

PloddingAlong21 · 15/05/2024 18:16

Maybe her son really like your son, is begging for play dates and she’s worried about her son socially? Maybe it isn’t about you at all.

don’t just block her that’s mean. We tell kids they don’t need to like everyone but to still be kind/polite.

Jumpers4goalposts · 15/05/2024 19:45

YABU it’s usual to try and make friends with your DC’s friends parents. It’s common to try and encourage friendships within the class by spending time out of school with other children.

PhotoFirePoet · 15/05/2024 21:19

Whatisnormalneuromum · 10/05/2024 10:14

I’d ask myself if I was you

is she lonely?
does she have any friends?
does she have anyone else her son can associate with.
is she as you say “odd” or just not fitting into stereotypical norm when it comes to being antisocial outside of your normal friendships.

while you’re entitled and valid in your feelings there’s obviously a reason this lady wants to communicate. And I doubt as you say it’s just because she doesn’t drive.
(From an outside opinion ofcorse)

you could tell her you’re uncomfortable being around people who are not in your usual circle but being an empath id be looking into why she wants contact so much.
Maybe she’s lonely, maybe she has no friends, maybe a lot of people find her as you say “odd” and she’s isolated.

being autistic and a parent who struggles with social ques and boundaries in terms
of this subject I have had your opinion on this lady put on me plenty of times. When in reality if I think a person seems genuine I just reach out and be an adult and try to make a mum friend.

as I say your feelings are valid but it sounds to me like she just wants a friend and someone who has a child her age in the same class of the same age would be ideal no?
just my opinion.

Good advice

YoniGetAnOohWithTyphoo · 15/05/2024 22:36

I was in a similar situation recently and if your gut is telling you to avoid this person, honestly you should pay attention to that.

I didn’t. I gave into the ‘well she might be ND, she might be lonely’ rationalisations.

Problem is, when I gave an inch, she took a mile. Started bombarding me with requests to meet up several times a week, even though I told her I work Monday-Friday 9-5. Saying ‘I can’t do that, I’m busy’ was heard as ‘Let’s try again another day’. Increasingly cheeky requests to pick her up and ferry her around started rolling in, and when I said I was working, I got ‘well can’t you do it in your lunch break?’ She even started pressuring me to skip work to hang out with her.

Finally, after a particularly annoying encounter which involved me spending a ton of money on fuel and parking for an event I didn’t actually want to go to, which ended in her being really quite rude to me, leaving a load of rubbish in my car, and refusing to pay any petrol money, I found my spine and blocked her.

I should have listened to my intuition from the start - it would have been a lot cleaner for all involved. I learned there’s a difference between a diagnosis and a personality and you are not a friendship charity - you don’t owe anyone friendship if they make you uncomfortable. Block and distance yourself.

OldPerson · 15/05/2024 23:39

Wow.

The innocence of the young.

I grew up in the days before mobile phones. I travelled a lot abroad for work and I had an answering machine.

I treat my mobile as an answering machine. And even when I am, I am not contactable 24hrs a day.

I also don't feel a need to respond to people immediately. Even if I like them.

And yet strangely, I am busy.

I don't even have one day a week set aside to answer messages. I should.

But family first. Job second. Friends (generally. if not in need) third - and everyone else - in a timely but not urgent fashion.

I have received multiple messages for "stuff" - and I apologise and say I've been busy. But obviously too polite to say "busy with stuff that's more important than your annoying request."

poppyslashtulip · 16/05/2024 00:10

KreedKafer · 14/05/2024 16:52

maybe she is a little socially incapable? hence not being able to drive

What on earth does the ability to drive have with being 'socially incapable'? Driving isn't a social skill. It's operating a piece of machinery.

lol. I think it was a ‘nice’ way of pp insinuating she’s autistic.

whiteboardking · 16/05/2024 00:12

Mute her

drusth · 16/05/2024 00:25

Wesel85 · 13/05/2024 20:12

I have just moved to a new place, half way across the country with my family and thought it would be easy to make new mum friends due to my children ages.

I find that If I'm not forward enough or don't engage and take the initiative other mums tend to ignore me, which can be rather disheartening.

I'm not sure how any one makes friends these days when so many mums on here saying to just ignore messages ect.

On the other side of that coin tho sometimes you just don't click with a person I always think being honest and direct without being too harsh is the best way to go.

If you’re trying to make new friends it’s generally more effective if you try to be a positive element in their life, not expect them to chauffeur you!

drusth · 16/05/2024 00:27

YoniGetAnOohWithTyphoo · 15/05/2024 22:36

I was in a similar situation recently and if your gut is telling you to avoid this person, honestly you should pay attention to that.

I didn’t. I gave into the ‘well she might be ND, she might be lonely’ rationalisations.

Problem is, when I gave an inch, she took a mile. Started bombarding me with requests to meet up several times a week, even though I told her I work Monday-Friday 9-5. Saying ‘I can’t do that, I’m busy’ was heard as ‘Let’s try again another day’. Increasingly cheeky requests to pick her up and ferry her around started rolling in, and when I said I was working, I got ‘well can’t you do it in your lunch break?’ She even started pressuring me to skip work to hang out with her.

Finally, after a particularly annoying encounter which involved me spending a ton of money on fuel and parking for an event I didn’t actually want to go to, which ended in her being really quite rude to me, leaving a load of rubbish in my car, and refusing to pay any petrol money, I found my spine and blocked her.

I should have listened to my intuition from the start - it would have been a lot cleaner for all involved. I learned there’s a difference between a diagnosis and a personality and you are not a friendship charity - you don’t owe anyone friendship if they make you uncomfortable. Block and distance yourself.

This is your future, OP, if you give her an inch!