Why do people swear sooo much and why does it bother me?

[lightsandtunnels]

Obviously no one can say why something bothers another person but bear with me for this one!
Today DH and I went out to a lovely country pub for a drink after work and sat by a beautiful quiet river in the sunshine. Two tables were close to us. One with two guys around early 30s. Talking to each other and using fing (variations of) as a constant adjective, verb or whatever in their conversation. The other table was a smaller group of men and women age between early 40s and late 60s I'd say. They were worse. Talking loudly but just general conversation with each other, not arguments or anything but fing constantly being used again and again as an adjective, exclamation, verb or whatever.

This really really bothered me! I hate hearing language like this and so audibly. I find it offensive and rude and at best it's just lazy. We actually left earlier than we had planned to and I had to stop myself from saying something to both groups (for those of you about to tell me I should just leave the situation.) I don't really know why it bothers me so much as it's just a word and I tried to have an internal dialogue with myself to just chill but I found it really horrible to hear. I've had this several times usually in pubs or restaurants and I hate it.

fwiw I do swear myself, in certain situations, like being scared suddenly or annoyed but not in general conversation in public.

Is it just me? AIBU?

YABU - get a f*king grip lights it's perfectly fine
YANBU - I hate it too

In the past someone would remind the people swearing that they were in company ( think ‘ladies present’)

If someone patronisingly said ‘ladies present’ in front of me, I’d give them an ear bashing and tell them to fuck right off. 😂

I think it makes people sound really stupid, like they don’t have a good vocabulary. It makes people sound rough, I really hate it. This a judgement.

People who are clever, with a good vocab and who are not 'rough' also swear.

It really, really doesn't. Those that think it does often live an incredibly sheltered life and need to get out more.

It bothers me if it's aggressive too. I suppose I feel threatened when people start trading insults. I suppose you come from a family where swearing wasn't allowed.

This is so far from correct it's funny, you're simply attempting to put people down to justify your opinion on something, not cool or remotely intelligent.

I'm with the OP on this one....I hate 'conversational' swearing. I don't mind it used for emphasis or as an exclamation, it makes sense then.
It's those people who can't have a normal conversation without every other word being a swear word. I always wonder what do they say when they actually have a good reason to swear!?

I really dislike it. Changes any conversation into numpty-speak. I think swearing reflects badly on the person who is doing the swearing and also makes me think their parents didn't bring them up to know any better. That's not to be inflammatory, but I always knew that if I swore there'd be slippered backside for punishment.

I do judge. It’s unnecessary and horrid.

I'm afraid I have to use this wonderful quote by B Connolly.

I think there's a time and a place for it. In my lounge, with my husband or best friend, when my kids have gone to bed - yep. I was walking down the high street pushing my pram the other day and someone dropped an F bomb right behind me and I thought "come on, there's kids around." I love a good swear, but not in the middle of the street.

Yes. Me. I have a DPhil, write for a living, have a huge vocabulary and can swear colourfully in five languages.

I dislike it too, and think less of people who swear a lot. It makes them look a bit thick as if they can't articulate without it, or as if they are attention seeking. I do swear to myself occasionally if confronted with idiot drivers, or I drop something, bang my head etc but wouldn't do it in public.

YANBU.

I swear but not persistently and not in a loud voice. Big difference.

I'd have hated that too.

Shit is one of the most versatile words in our language. There's a brilliant bit from a comedian about how he was confused at first because of how shit is used for so many things.

Same with fuck. "Fuck you" can be affectionate, flirty, aggressive, frustrated...

I'm sure some research was done which said that people who swear a lot have a wider vocabulary in general.

And frankly if someone uses another words (like using Smeg in Red Dwarf) to express the same sentiment then it should still be offensive if they intend it to be

I’m the same

Yes swearing was not acceptable in my family home growing up nor was it acceptable with my own children. I guess because lots of 'swear words' have a sexual reference so not something you'd want to subject your children to nor discuss with your parents either I don't suppose! Also before anyone wants to 'dig' into my childhood experiences it was all very Mum, Dad, 2.4 kids bog standard 80s upbringing. No drama.
Like I've said, I'm not sure why I find it offensive (and many others seem to agree with me) I just don't like it.

I think there's a time and a place for everything and it shows more social awareness and consideration to keep it away from children and those who may be offended.
Unfortunately, as plenty of these posts illustrate, many people today are hugely selfish and do not consider anyone but themselves.

Ok, so swear away. But isn't the point of "extreme" language that you bring it out in extreme situations? Use "fuck" all the time and what's left on the table? Nothing, its normalised and we've lost something in our language. All in my opinion,of course.

But swear in front of children and think it doesn't matter, I really wonder what world you want to live in?

I hate being around groups who swear every second word in public, on the bus or out in a pub or wherever. I know that's a group who don't care if others find their words offensive and are likely to be unpleasant if challenged.

It's completely different doing that in public than say saying 'oh fuck it' if you drop something in your own home. I wouldn't say that in front of my mum or gran as they don't like swearing, nor does my brother but I do swear at home and around my older children, as do they.

It's about code-switching, most people know swearing animatedly in public isn't a nice thing to do and some people may be offended so they tend not to do it, even if they swear more at home or with good friends.

I agree with this. I'm also prone to a bit of swearing but when I'm within earshot of strangers I never just assume they're ok with it.

Swearing is common where I live. I swear in my home and with trusted people, but usually I am politeness itself 😇.

My daughter's father curses constantly, and has done in front of her all her life. It was the culture of his family to swear all the effing time.

My daughter never swears. I like to think she's rebelling against her dad 😂.

It's really not.

Many studies have shown that people who use swear words to good effect often have a far larger, more varied vocabulary and higher levels of education than those who don't.

ALL the very rich, very posh, people I've met swear like sailors. Including, I heard, when off duty our own dear Queen.

I like using the full range of English. Which include the profanities that go back to ancient times (and weren't always deemed offensive - some only became so because of the influence of a ruling class seeking to make the indigenous population's speech and language lesser, some because of a desire to make the female body or bodily functions as a whole something to be ashamed of, rather than factual).

If cunt was good enough for Chaucer, it's certainly good enough for the likes of me.

@NeverDropYourMooncup - Olivia Coleman said exactly the same thing recently. With great glee

My kids always ask why anyone cares and it’s because the reasoning behind them is negative but in a really strong extreme way. Fuck, fuck it, fuck’s sake, he’s a … etc etc. they’re so in your face and actually in work the people who came in cursing were nearly always the ones that had a problem with something or were out for a fight. I used to curse as does dh (he’s getting better) and it’s horrible hearing your kids be THOSE kids- eg something drops on a foot they say ffs, very different to just letting an ‘aagh’ or something