Has your motherhood journey been what you wanted/expected?

[Welovecrumpets]

I was just discussing this on another thread and am curious.

I have 2 wonderful children who are thriving and fairly easy to be honest so I know how lucky I am, and rationally I know these are minor complaints.

My first baby was only 6 months when covid hit so most of my maternity leave was spent holed up in our flat in a heatwave dealing with a crawling and then walking baby who was bored stiff. I still feel a bit sad we didn’t really get to fully enjoy our time together, we were confined to 1 room 23 hours a day for months, hardly saw anybody, didn’t do anything. We didn’t have a garden or enough space to set up elaborate play areas.

My second baby was quite a worrying pregnancy, hyperemesis which meant I was bedbound for months, some medical concerns which took weeks of tests to put to rest, followed by an awful birth which we felt lucky to emerge from (relatively) unscathed due to negligence by the hospital who carried out an investigation and apologised. I had read so many stories about second births being better that I suppose I expected it to go well and it was very disappointing that it went so wrong.

That aside as I said my children are wonderful and I feel very lucky, but sometimes those memories just come back and bite me on the bum a little. I suppose I’m just curious to hear from others about their motherhood journey and whether it’s been what they expected/hoped for. All stories welcome, just a chat.

No. Both my children are autistic and life is different from my expectations.

They’re brilliant and I love them both more than anything but it’s not what I’d thought and I constantly worry for their future.

No.

I thought I'd be a lot more fun, carefree Miss Honey from matilda type of mum but I've found the juggle of working, housework and SEND incredibly hard. Some days it feels like I'm constantly doing all the back stage work and stretched thin. I also find the guilt, worry and stress all consuming. I do love my children though, and I love the small snippets of time I get to spend with them .Absolutely loved fleeting moments of having babies and pregnancy - it just went to quick.

Definitely didnt have 'the luxury of a normal experience' with baby 1. She was born prematurely, very unwell, rushed to hospital 3 times by ambulance unconscious in first few weeks of her life, had to be tube fed, I needed surgery to repair damage during the delivery ended up in hospital with an infection and had severe PND and was suicidal. But still had all the relatives coming round and trying to put on a brave face despite being in physical and mental agony.

I just said I personally found it easier with my 2nd during lockdown as less pressure from the outside world. That is not commenting on how easy or hard anyone else's experience was

Motherhood is so much more than just the baby years. I think it's hard to remember that when you are in the thick of it. COVID was hard for everyone, I think, and I don't doubt having a baby during it was tough, you could think of the flip side of, at least you were off work and could fully focus on being present for your children. That actually is a wonderful thing if you look at it that way. In our case, dh was working trying to keep our family business afloat and I was stuck at home all day every day working FT while also home schooling a 7 year old and keeping a 2 year old plopped in from of the tv with junk food so I could work. It was hard. But life goes on and things are different now.

I'm not sure what I expected of being a parent, but I would say that it's been hard and more boring than I thought at times, but also more emotional, more rewarding, more fun, more demanding than I thought. I think I'm doing a better job than my parents did (and I think dh could say the same) and I think our kids are happy and well adjusted.

Yes and no, but we are now entering teen years so been riding this roller coaster for a while.

Early doors was hard, my eldest had colic, it was hell. I had literally no instinct about why she cried, but I found a great book and realised I had it all wrong. That book was a life saver! I also was not ready to deal with being called X's mummy.....I have a name!!!! I was pretty glad to go back to work after maternity and recover my identity.

Baby and toddler years were relentless, but I do kind of miss them sometimes. I miss the innocence and the cuddles. I do not miss the stuff you had to carry about, the tantrums, the sleepless nights.

Primary school was pretty good, although after school care caused me a near breakdown....until I got an afterschool babysitter who I still have even though one is in high school! She does the ballet runs and random drop offs an picks ups.

Now we are into hormones, boys, social media and general teen stuff. I'm mostly enjoying it, this is the bit of motherhood I think I'm best at and the bit I was looking forward to. Not always a bed of roses, and I'm very lucky to have two very easy going, charming, mostly lovely girls who touch wood haven't hit any major issues with their mental health, they don't chase drama and who are wildly sensible (unlike me at that age).

I know what you mean. DS was 1 year 4 months in lockdown and I was made redundant the Friday before we locked down on the Monday. He wasn't napping and was getting mobile so I was actually quite grateful that I didn't have to try and work from home!