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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to be annoyed that my sister has booked to play golf all the possible dates for DS's christening?

41 replies

oldnewmummy · 03/04/2008 10:48

We live overseas and come back to the UK in June and December as that's the only time I can get off work.

DS will be 17 months in June. We didn't have the christening in June last year as he's adopted so we wanted to wait until it was all finalised. We didn't have it in December as we thought best to wait till June so we can have the food afterwards in the garden, weather permitting. We told everyone we'd have it in June. My sister is one of DS's godparents.

She's booked herself to play in golf tournaments every Sunday in June.

DH will be furious and want to tell her where to stuff it, but I know if I say anything she'll sulk for the next 10 years.

OP posts:
Harrybee · 03/04/2008 11:02

Hi ONM, i think that you should be honest with your sister and tell her how you feel. I mean she is going to be God Mother so she should really put that first. Im my eyes the christening should come firs, not golf.

dizzydixies · 03/04/2008 11:04

am with Harrybee, book it tell her you're sorry it clashes with her golf but it IS her godson's christening and missing ONE tournament won't kill her

CantSleepWontSleep · 03/04/2008 11:05

Just organise the Christening for when you want it, invite her, and leave it up to her whether she wants to cancel her golf or not. Can't blame her for booking stuff up if you hadn't given her a definite date, but that doesn't mean that she can't rearrange her plans.

littlelapin · 03/04/2008 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blu · 03/04/2008 11:06

YANBU.

Explain calmly (no fury or resentment - let it be clear that if she sulks it's because of her not because you have 'had a go at her', that you will only be over in June, and that as she is unfortunately unavailable, you will have to find a different godmother. Be cool, chatty and breezy about it. That might bring her to her senses, or not.

Really, if she doesn't prioritise her nephew, is she really the godmother you wnat?

How upsetting.

Miggsie · 03/04/2008 11:07

YANBU
and I am also NBU by saying that this is the reason I do not like people who play golf.

wheresthehamster · 03/04/2008 11:08

Can't you have it on a Saturday?

FioFio · 03/04/2008 11:09

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Journey · 03/04/2008 11:14

You tell your sister that the christening will be in June and expect her to keep every Sunday free until you decide on the actual date. Come on that is very selfish of you. You can't honestly expect your sister to put her life on hold until you decide. You're being totally unreasonable.

Greyriverside · 03/04/2008 11:15

Might want to think about how important the the golf tournaments to her. Is this something to pass the time or a life long ambition. Are the tournaments a series where you have to do all or nothing?

You are entitled to pick a godparent with more time in any case.

TheFallenMadonna · 03/04/2008 11:18

Can you sort out a date now?

She can be a godparent in absentia, if she's the one you want.

McDreamy · 03/04/2008 11:19

I know how difficult it is trying to organise things in the UK from overseas.

If it was me I would jut go ahead and book the christening on the day of your choice, send her the invitation and wait for her response.

You can always get someone to be a proxy godparent for her on the day, I was asked to do this for DH's godson on his christening day but it was for illness rather than a golf tournanment!!!!

I hope you have a lovely day

Original poster
oldnewmummy · 03/04/2008 11:20

I don't expect her to keep EVERY Sunday free. One would do!

And she can't make any Saturdays in June either.

She often also books holidays in June and them complains she never sees us when we're home.

OP posts:
beaniesteve · 03/04/2008 11:23

Did she know that you were coming back and intending to have the christening?

Original poster
oldnewmummy · 03/04/2008 11:26

Yes

OP posts:
Greyriverside · 03/04/2008 11:31

You should probably pick someone you like anyway

grouphug · 03/04/2008 11:34

You are not being unreasonable she can't do any Saturdays or Sundays I think she is being difficult is there something she is not happy about?. Is there anyone else you could have as a godmother I am having two friends and the two I have picked are absolutely thrilled and keep asking me when it will be and really love my dd which is how you should feel.

duomonstermum · 03/04/2008 11:34

if she knew you were planning the christening and you wanted her to be a godparent then YANBU. it's not exactly what you'd call short notice is it?? i'd be well pissed if my sis did that to me

Journey · 03/04/2008 11:43

By saying you expected her to keep one Sunday free you're asking your sister to dictate the date of the christening. I'd be surprised if your sister was aware that she had that responsibility. You should of decided on a date and told her.

Why are you coming over in June (and Dec)? Oh because it is convenient for YOU! If she has golf tournaments in June then it obviously isn't the best time for her and yet you expect her to meet your needs at a convenient time for you!

Why did you choose her to be a godparent? Surely she must have some good qualities otherwise why did you pick her. Being a godparent is more than just being there for the ceremony. Perhaps you should appreciate what is important in your sisters life before being so critical.

Original poster
oldnewmummy · 03/04/2008 11:43

We're also having DH's sister and my best friend.

I don't think we've "done" anything to her but she doesn't get the whole baby thing. When I told her we were trying to adopt a baby she said "it's not like a cat you know" and told everyone in her office her sister "had gone mad and is adopting an Indian baby". I've been trying to be charitable and put her lack of support down to concerns that we might be rushing into it, but I'm strting to wonder .....

OP posts:
yorkshirepudding · 03/04/2008 11:44

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hatrick · 03/04/2008 11:52

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grouphug · 03/04/2008 12:16

"had gone mad and is adopting an indian baby' what an awful thing to say, I think you are right to start to wonder... I don't think she is apropriate as a godparent and you should just have the two you have chosen.

littlelapin · 03/04/2008 12:23

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

callmeovercautious · 03/04/2008 12:26

YANBU - My Sister just told me she won't be at my Wedding reception as her and her DH are going out that night

If she is anything like mine I would just say fine and carry on without her. I bet you would cancel anything if it was the other way around.