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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

....to be annoyed that my sister has booked to play golf all the possible dates for DS's christening?

41 replies

oldnewmummy · 03/04/2008 10:48

We live overseas and come back to the UK in June and December as that's the only time I can get off work.

DS will be 17 months in June. We didn't have the christening in June last year as he's adopted so we wanted to wait until it was all finalised. We didn't have it in December as we thought best to wait till June so we can have the food afterwards in the garden, weather permitting. We told everyone we'd have it in June. My sister is one of DS's godparents.

She's booked herself to play in golf tournaments every Sunday in June.

DH will be furious and want to tell her where to stuff it, but I know if I say anything she'll sulk for the next 10 years.

OP posts:

Lulumama · 03/04/2008 12:30

does she have children?

ernest · 03/04/2008 12:35

it is annoying.

That said, you have the following choices.

ditch her as gp and ask someone else.
have the Christening with her absent but still gp.
Book a date (on a Sat or Sun) and hope she'll make it.
Book it for a week day, but then lots of other people might not be able to make it.

mousemole · 03/04/2008 12:38

Your son's christing, you chose the date, your sisters perrogative as to whether she comes. I have decided Christenings are worse than wedding. Parents in law are miffed that DS2's christening is on June 29th as 'that's when we were planning a booze cruise and could you re arrange ?'. Er,,,, NO ! Good luck. My blood is boiling on your behalf !

Callisto · 03/04/2008 12:49

Can she be a Godparent if she is not at the Christening? I would have thought that not being at the christening would count her out.

I asked my 2 best friends and my brother and they were all thrilled and honoured to become DD's Godparents. If they hadn't been I would have asked someone else. I would book the christening and ask her and if she can't be bothered to make it find someone else. I really fail to see how a golf tournament is more important than becoming a Godparent (and I would think this if she was Tiger Woods).

littlelapin · 03/04/2008 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sitdownpleasegeorge · 03/04/2008 13:00

I can't understand why you still want her to be a godparent and potential mentor to a child she thinks you were "mad" to adopt.

Ask someone who has more respect for your family and your adopted child.

Seriously, she is the wrong person for the "job".

Let her spend her time on the golf-course.

She's a plank !

Heifer · 03/04/2008 13:41

One of DD god fathers wasn't at the christening (he is a minister himself at another church) so therefore couldn't be at our service, but all was fine.

Tbh - it sounds as if you have picked her as a God parent out of obligation and not becase she is the best person for the role.

I would rethink my choice and pick someone who is far more supportive.

Re the golf, it could be that she doesn't want to be a godparent and doesn't know how to say that (or your mum won't let her refuse)!!

have a rethink and a chat to your sister...

GrapefruitMoon · 03/04/2008 13:52

LL, my brother was unable to be at ds1's christening but there was no problem him still being godfather - my dad just stood in for him on the day...

McDreamy · 03/04/2008 14:16

Think it might depend on the priest LL as we are catholic and it didn't make a difference to us. You can get someone to stand in on someone else's behalf if they are unable to attend, not sure the priest would be very sympathetic to a golf tournament though - unless of course he is a golfer himself

Blu · 03/04/2008 15:32

Journey - the OP can only ever come to the UK in June..and told her family in Dec that the Christening would be in June. As I understand it the OP is now trying to negotiate a date in June that suits her sister...and is meeting a blank.

IS she a championship player of some kind? In which case this could have been anticipated.

Either that or she soen't realy buy into the godparent thing, or christening.

Er - I think christenings usually happen on Sundays as they are part of the service.

The 'gone mad and adopted and Indian baby' comment is outrageous, anyway. Just quietly suplant her with someone else at the ceremony. Or have one less godparent.

theBOD · 03/04/2008 15:51

just set the date and invite her.then it's up to her.
also think your dh would be very unreasonable to have a go at her if she has a prior commitment and chooses to do that instead.
in much the same way as you should not let her dictate your plans, your husband has no right to try and dictate hers.

ernest · 03/04/2008 16:23

Ours have never been done as part of the service, tho this is often the case, but my 3 have all been baptized in a quiet family service (probably on a Sunday but can't say so for sure) as getting dh over the threshold is challenge enough, no way would he sit through a mass and stand up in front of an entire congregation. It would just never ever happen.

SO not nec. part of the normal Sunday service, but often is.

Blueskythinker · 03/04/2008 16:24

She doesn't sound very interested and supportive - I agree, quietly choose someone who is going to be there for your DS growing up.

JodieG1 · 03/04/2008 16:27

All ours were done as part of the normal service. Ds2 was christened recently and it was lovely, totally different style of church but same religion, c of e, and it felt so warm and welcoming. Lots of signing and they had an actual music group with signers and people playing instruments.

Was very busy and another family had their children christened at the same time.

Chequers · 03/04/2008 16:30

Message withdrawn

duomonstermum · 03/04/2008 16:51

journeys post made me i live abroad and it's not easy to coordinate with everybody elses plans. when i go home i do try to make it when i know my family will be on hols and they try to accomodate me by taking their hols around the same time. it's called being considerate!! obviously if she knows that the only times her sister can make it over is in dec and june i don't think it's being selfish to expect some kind of cooperation. maybe it's just me....

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