MIL won’t give me my baby even when she’s crying for me with outstretched arms

[ILikeEggsAnd]

Hi here’s a bit of background details. I went to Croatia with my four month old DD so she could meet my MIL. She already has three other grandkid’s from her daughter who stays locally. I understand she was excited to meet my DD but she wouldn’t give me my DD even when she had outstretched arms and was crying for me. MIL would make me sit in the front seat of the car and she would sit behind with DD (DH would drive). Again even though my DD would cry, MIL wanted to see that DD should smile seeing her! My DH just said it’s only 10 days that his mom will see her so she can cry and then I will get her back! For the record, my MIL and I don’t speak the same language.

It’s been four months since this family holiday and I feel so upset at myself for not standing up for my DD. I’m also so worried that DDs birthday is around the corner and MIL will again try to do something like that. What’s worst is my DH won’t say anything.

My parents are first time grandparents and as excited as they are, they never try to keep my DD away from me when she cries for me so I don’t think my MIL is acting normally. They too stay abroad and don’t get to meet her regularly so the self entitlement of my MIL to hold her all the time doesn’t make sense. Even my parents don’t meet DD so often. Is my MIL going overboard? She was getting upset and taking DD away if she even smiled at MIL’s dad! Basically it felt like she was competing for my DDs love! Really come on MIL, don’t take it personally if she won’t smile at you especially if you won’t give her back to me when she’s visibly crying.

How do I stop this from happening next time? I tried to use BF and nappy change as an excuse but she would be taken from me right after. I sat behind in the car with my DD and my MIL looked all upset for me stealing away those moments from her. I honestly want to tell her to back off and that she can hold DD but not every minute of the day especially when she’s crying out for me. Besides, she wasn’t even interacting with DD, just shushing her!

If I’d even take my DD and she’s turn quiet and happy my MIL would take her away the next second. Stop your silly competition MIL!

MIL you’ve had your turn in raising kids and you have local grandkid’s. You are just my MIL. Stop hogging my baby for every second you visit us, just because you get to meet her so little doesn’t mean you hold onto her even when she is desperately crying for me! Am I being unreasonable?

PS Don’t tell me DH should speak. He has never stood up for me to the point that his sisters family are racist towards me and he’s quiet. I have cut my SIL from my life since DH won’t speak up and no, leaving him isn’t an option.

Also, meeting up oftener is not an option. Not after how she is behaving. The audacity of my MIL to do this. And my DH never standing up to my racist SIL means I want to have very reduced contact with them and I don’t think any grandparent is entitled to their grandkid if they can’t respect their grandkid’s needs i.e. outstretched arms wanting mummy.

It took me two seconds to find this on Google Translate: Vrati mi moje dijete, SADA.

But language doesn’t matter. Say it in English if you need to. Tone and body language will do it.

And then don’t let her hold the baby again and don’t go to Croatia again. Nobody can make you. If your wet lettuce of a husband won’t stand up for you against his mother and sister, then you need to put your foot down. I know it is difficult in a foreign country where you don’t know the language but you are allowing this and it needs to stop.

You need to spend some time reinforcing your backbone and growing a pair of balls before you go back to Croatia OP.
If you don't think you can do that then don't ever go there, you're at too much of a disadvantage and they know it.

PS Don’t tell me DH should speak. He has never stood up for me to the point that his sisters family are racist towards me and he’s quiet. I have cut my SIL from my life since DH won’t speak up and no, leaving him isn’t an option. he should though. If he won't you're just going to have to do it. If they were a stranger you'd take your baby off them so do it.

If your partner says nothing while his family are racist towards you then he is also racist towards you, he implicitly believes that you are inferior to his family.
I think you need a ready to go back up plan OP. Just in case.

I'd get google translate up on your phone.

Type in:

My baby is crying.
Please give her to me now so that I can help her.

Show the text to this stupid stupid woman
And then pick up your baby.

Refuse ever to go back to your MIL's country. If she comes to stay, arrange to stay with your mum while she is in the UK.

If your DH complains, tell him to get stuffed. He won't stand up for his daughter, you need to.

MILs like that only understand one thing. Refuse to allow her anywhere near your children.

The other thread has 70 replies, and reinforces why the issue is 100% the husband.

You literally just stand there with outstretched arms until she gives her to you. And keep repeating 'give me the baby now'. Do NOT allow this. It's awful that your husband is such a wet lettuce.

If it were me, I would get physical. Grab baby and give a shove for good measure. The fucking cheek.

@FineWordsButterNoParsnips try to learn their language. At least key phrases.

Google translate tells me that "Please pass the baby back to me" is "Molim vas, vratite mi dijete" in croatian and will speak it so you can learn pronounciation.

You could learn lots more in the language too

Refuse to sit in the front seat.
Stand there, fold your arms, make a scene.

Walk over to MIL and pull DD out of her arms.

Don't be afraid of looking forceful or determined, and don't worry about stepping on toes. Don't wait around for your useless mama's boy to speak up for you or his own child.

Thump tables, stamp your feet, shout of necessary - make sure they know you're serious and won't be pushed around.

Why is leaving your H not an option? What motivation does he have to stand up for you if he knows you're stuck with him regardless?

I thought I had read this before. I clearly spend way too long on MN!

Me too! Always someone who has had a baby with some random she’s known 5 mins and doesn’t know what to do when she realises he’s a useless arse and his family are dicks. 🙄

How did your husband co-create a child when he lacks balls.

You have. I posted up thread that this has already been posted in the last week.

I don't think I'd let MIL hold her at all. If you do and DD starts to cry take your baby off her.

Absolutely refuse to ever return once you're home.

I'm sure you posted a thread about this before? But anyway, the solution is pretty simple. Either be very firm and tell her no, or don't visit her again. Your husband sounds useless as well so I'd be rethinking the marriage.

I wouldn't go back to visit them in Croatia.

What is going on as you've posted this before?

What did you not get from the last thread and what do you actually want help with?

Why did you get married without meeting his family years beforehand? Was this an arranged marriage? My non-white grandparents had one.
If they're racist towards you then they'll be racist towards your mixed race child.

Oh OP. Why did you post again?

I agree. Don't go back.
You are outnumbered and unsupported when in Croatia with his family. (So this is empowering their mistreatment of you, and your husband's failure to be on your side validates them.)

Seriously, don't return to Croatia with baby any time soon (or let husband travel with her) as by the sounds of it, there's a real risk of your baby being kept in the country and if your husband is complicit/willing you would be helpless to prevent it!
This happens.
Stay safe - Remain on home turf.
(MIL can visit you solo if you feel able to bear it).

(@PollyPut think you tagged me by mistake 🙂)

Thought I had read this before.