No family and feeling so sad

[Blueberryancakes]

I lost my dad when I was 27.
My mum is nearly 80 and not in the best of health. My brother has terminal cancer. Im only 36.

I have no cousins.

im married with one child ( can’t have anymore)

in the next couple of years after my mum and brother go it’s just me. I’ll have my husband and daughter but that’s it.

I have about 2 friends.

When I think about this I feel so overwhelmed with sadness.

Anyone else have no family?

Family is everything to me. I love them so much and I’m angry they have to die.

My husbands cut his family out of his life a couple of years ago so I don’t have his family either. They never really liked me either.

The fear of loneliness makes me wish I’d never been born.

Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Life moves and changes. It won't always feel this sad.
Concentrate on your partner and child, lean on your friends, as you, I expect would want them to lean on you in a similar circumstance.
You sound v low. I truly hope the new day brings you the strength and energy to carry on.
OP, the birds will be up soon! ( if you're in the UK)🌻

Sending a hug OP

OP that really sounds like you are in a desperate place. Things will get better.
Hold the DH and DD very close. 💐
Sending you a hug.

You have a family. Just smaller than others. Focus on that and building a network of friends.

This was a lovely message. Makes a nice change from some of the things written on here.

@Blueberryancakes

There was a quite a recent mumsnet op on small families

I wonder if it's still on mumsnet threads?

Anyway focus on developing quality friendships in your life through hobbies and interests ect,

Just be curious about the world discovering and trying out new things etc visting art galleries and museums
attending poetry open Mike events and books clubs , creative writing poetry etc etc

Eventbrite. com really a very good website for all sorts of interesting things to discover get involved with etc..

I know the feeling i was part of big family orginally,
but I was split 💔 up from my birth family adopted by lovely family but this didn't work out longer enough only for a brief while through bereavement..

I think 🤔 having quality friendships can be a like a family of sorts in a way too,

Obviously not exactly the same but aspects can be similar especially we can acctract friendships people who have experinced similar stuff in life or and can come into our life to enhance our life through their positive vibrancy of their personality, their sense of humour or and emotionally insight or intellect to teach us something that we need to learn etc through our interactions and we to do something similar too..

Also this is a cliche but to do a grattitude diary or journal 🤔 however small something is or bigger make a note of all the things that enhance your life on a regular basis

It can also be about quality people even random strangers who have made your day better too..

Could be something about appreciation of nature and wildlife

It can be someone or something making you laugh 😃

Something entertaining on TV or radio 📻 etc...

I understand this to a degree, only child here, lost my dad 10 years ago at 28, mum is close but in her 70s and we are completely different people, live abroad with DH and our 2 DC and I have an older son still in uk.
My cousins are alluch older than me.
I have friends but hardly see them
I think being an only child I got used to enjoying my own company but I always knew from young I wanted more than one child, and they are the best company I could ever have even though a break from time to time would be nice!
I think you need to try to find peace within yourself. At the end of the day all you have is you. It's not healthy to resent people for dying and leaving you alone

OP- just wanted to let you know you arent alone. I'm an only child, and so were both my parents. My mum died when I was in my 20s and my dad died years ago. I have two kids and a husband but have no birth family left at all and it does sometimes feel very lonely.

I have a great circle of friends but it's not quite the same and I often used to feel sad looking at large families who all supported each other. I'm fully aware that I'm probably looking at it through rose tinted specs because I know many people that dont even get on with their families and its a cause of great stress so just because you have family, doesnt necessarily mean they'd enhance your life. That said, when you have none at all you dont even get the chance to find out.

One thing I will say though is that it has made me very resilient and self reliant.I started a business a few years ago and lots of people told me they could never have done that and I attribute that directly to me having to be so self sufficient and independent for so long. Despite the pain of it, it has gifted me qualities that have given me the life I have today.

It makes me feel really sad that you feel you wish you hadn't been born- is there anyone you could talk to about this? I think there is a lot of pain there that you could use some help to process. Life is so precious and despite the lack of family around you, there is so much you are yet to achieve and so many joyful moments which wait for you around the corner. I think when you lose parents early you have to learn to parent yourself and that means taking care of yourself, your feelings, and treating yourself kindly and with compassion. Seek out someone to talk to about your feelings and focus on what you want to achieve for yourself in the future- there are so many possibilities in your future - dont let a lack of family rob you of that. Take care x

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.
I’m in the same boat, I’m an only child. My Dad has terminal cancer. I have DH and one DS. I have lots of friends but not many are local.

I completely understand where you are coming from and you aren’t alone.

I had a very close knit family, my mum was my best friend and i genuinely didn’t need any other friends. We had big family Christmases and celebrated birthdays and spent all our free time together. I have cousins but lost touch as children.

I lost my grandparents young and then my parents within 3 years of each other. My sister and I had always had a difficult relationship due to her being spoiled because she had kids and I didn’t and I was left to fend for myself.
I loved her and her family, but for multiple reasons though after my mum died me and my sister stopped speaking - it’s been multiple years now.

There is now just me and DP with no kids and I have a best friend who is closer then my sister ever was.

Christmas is hell, I stopped putting up a tree and decorations after my mum died, I feel so alone and on the outside when everyone is having the big family get togethers.

I have my 40th this year that had been planned for years as a big celebration and I felt more alone then ever. Despite being in a relationship for over ten years I refuse to get married without my parents present. People sometimes dismiss the strength of our relationship due to this but me and my partner take the attitude it’s easier to walk away with no ties and a binding union, love holds us together and we are together through choice not circumstances.
I was at absolute rock bottom then my partner planned an amazing holiday departing on my actual birthday knowing how I’d struggle without my mum.

You do get used to it and find ways to cope. You have your own child which should give you good support and a reason to live. You have your little family and can give your child an amazing upbringing. It doesn’t matter if you have two friends or twenty, often two are far more supportive and you end up closer then a big group.
I have therapy and my therapist said I have things like my partner and a loving relationship, an incredible loyal friend, financial stability, a beautiful home etc…
I don’t always realise that some people would see me as lucky and yearn for the same, at times I’m too busy drowning in the losses to see the wins.

You honestly aren’t alone and if you ever struggle send me a DM, I think you’d be surprised at how many people are in the same situation but it never seems like it.

You are strong and a survivor, please keep going and find a way to be happy.

I have no parents, no siblings, no partner, and no children. Just me and my remaining cat. I do have a few cousins, and while we get on well we aren't close.

I really don't understand how people can say they are alone when they have a partner and a child/children?

I do understand. I was an only child and my parents were older. They are both gone now and I miss them very much. I have no surviving family in the country I was raised in. My aunts and uncles have passed on. I suppose I miss the people who once loved me unconditionally. I am married and have two boys and I suspect only one wants children. I guess I am becoming like the older grandparent generation. It makes sense to me now why my mother missed her parents so much. My dad's mother had died when he was little and his father was awful so he didn't feel the same.

I think that it helps to widen your social circle and try to meet more people. Hopefully you can meet more people you can have long standing supportive friendships with. Many many people haven't got children or a husband so by many standards you are lucky.

I only have my elderly mum left and she is 80.
When she goes I will literally have no-one .
I do have friends but no-one close enough to call in the middle of the night etc.
I hope to remain as healthy as possible for as long as possible because I'll be on my own .

It's very daunting

OP I hear you. I have a DH and children but no other family around for various reasons (dead, estranged, live a long haul flight away). My DC have one grandparent, who is not always reliable and sometimes a bit toxic. They have two cousins we are estranged from.
it makes me so sad too and we never have family visits and rarely see the ones that live overseas. I feel so lonely sometimes and worry about my children. I wish I could say something more positive, just know that you are not alone in this situation

Big hugs OP. It sounds like you would benefit from some MH support.

I can sort of relate as I’m in my early 40s and have no parents & the limited family I do have are all far away.

I feel anchor-less being the top generation in my family & feel it’s hard that I don’t have that unconditional love of a parent anymore (although I know that isn’t everyone’s experience of a parent). Also family times like Christmas can be tough.

PP have recommended expanding your social network which is a good idea. I hope you can change your perception so can start to enjoy what you have.

@Moonlitwalk that's a lovely post - thank you (also have no family at all now except my 2 YP, both Autistic so it can feel lonely & difficult so your post is very thoughtful & helpful to me too)

I hear you !!

Lost my dad when I was 14
Lost my lovely sister 8 years ago to cancer
Lost my lovely mum 2 years ago to dementia

I have a brother and niece and nephew but our family is tiny now.

Single mum to a daughter and her dad is estranged from his family.

I envy big families.

I think some people underestimate how hard it is to build a social network. I work (remotely with colleagues abroad), have small children, and didn’t grow up in England. I don’t have time for lots of
hobbies, I go to the gym but have never managed to make a friend there to be honest .
my children are at school or childcare, I don’t go to babygroups anymore. I have one close friend an hour from me, she has small children, a busy job and rarely time to meet. I know some school mums but wouldn’t say they are friends. One told me she has enough friends and doesn’t have time for more. I know some of my neighbours, they have busy lives themselves (have pets and teenagers, or grandchildren etc).

so how exactly should I build a social network?

So sorry op....fwiw, my parents are dead now...I have one cousin I keep in touch with. Aunts and uncles sadly dying recently. I am very lucky to have my sister and her family. I also have a dh and two DC. But we are not a big family. I wish there were more of us! I'm sorry no one can wave a magic wand and fix this...all you can do is focus on what you do have. You are not alone.

Aw glad it helped. Sometimes it's just nice to know others feel the same and you arent alone in your feelings. Big hugs to you x

Thank you for everyone’s messages. I can’t tell you how nice it is reading these messages.
It makes me feel
less alone knowing people out there are in similar situations

I've got no family now either. 6 Months ago I had my OH and my dad, and a distant strained relationship with my mother as step-dad hates me.

Dad and OH are both dead now. I have some cousins but none of them even bothered turning up to the funerals.

I searched this as I feel EXACTLY the same!!! Please take my virtual hand and a hug and I'm so sorry and I am exactly the same!

I have one child a little girl, just went through 2 awful miscarriages,had a d&c last wk it was awful, husbands had to work awya this wk I've struggled & felt pressured to go bk to work tomorow, a difficult non understanding boss, but my dads 82 jjsy turned having carers going in and fluctuating capacity being assessed currently for a full care package, husbands family has been non existent since we had our little girl which was awful! They've really shown their true colours.

I lost my mum to cancer 7 wks after Bess was born, my step dads now cutting contact 5 yrs on from their along with his abs vile daughter and I'm totally alone family wise except for my husband and my poor daughter.

I don't have any wise words except a lot of understanding and that some days it will come and go, i find keeping myself busy helps but atm im struggling on my own as im so tired so im reallly feeling it today, my lovely neighbours get so much family help here too and thats so hard to see as we're in desperate need and have nothing.

Im midlands way if thats any consolation and you want a friend, if your close be lovely to put the world to rights over a coffee xxxx

Are you open to having some Asian family?! I have tons and wouldn’t notice if a few of them were palmed off to someone else! 😅

On a more serious note, build good relationships with your friends, neighbours, colleagues etc. My entire family lives abroad but we have built a close friendship group in the UK. We meet to celebrate special occasions, festival's etc..My kids are close to my friends kids as if they were cousins. We all often holiday abroad together. If you don’t have any family left you need to work on building these kind of friendships to fill the void. All the best! 🤗