No family and feeling so sad

[Blueberryancakes]

I lost my dad when I was 27.
My mum is nearly 80 and not in the best of health. My brother has terminal cancer. Im only 36.

I have no cousins.

im married with one child ( can’t have anymore)

in the next couple of years after my mum and brother go it’s just me. I’ll have my husband and daughter but that’s it.

I have about 2 friends.

When I think about this I feel so overwhelmed with sadness.

Anyone else have no family?

Family is everything to me. I love them so much and I’m angry they have to die.

My husbands cut his family out of his life a couple of years ago so I don’t have his family either. They never really liked me either.

The fear of loneliness makes me wish I’d never been born.

I've sat here racking my brains about how to make my life feel less lonely, joined my daughter in a class to meet parents but it's not turned out how I hoped so I'm putting feelers out there to try another school locally so fingers crossed, this is quite radical but I've also been discussing the prospect of fostering long term! This got me so deeply upset and made me think about how on earth it must be for all the children in foster care who have no stable homes! A light bulb moment of hope it was and we are seriously thinking of looking in to this, I feel if we can provide any sort lf love, support, stability, help towards a young person it would be the best thing I think I'd ever do with my life and help to keep my focus and not only that but the network of community in fostering sounds also so appealing!!! And our daughter would have a regular new family member all being well we would love to adopt if they'll give us a chance and think we're suitable! We've both had such a challenging upbringings and lives and I feel that empathy and consideration surely must have some bearing on the strength of character you have as it's not easy living a life with little family! It's so tough as toy need ro be so strong and independent it's a great skill to have and to model to your child and maybe you might consider it too!

It's something I am seriously looking in to, i feel I have so much to give!!! And we are also abs in need of love in return and I'm ready to leave behind the awful people that have caused us so much pain and go forwards with a renewed sense of hope that maybe this is what I'm finally meant to do with my life and who knows how it might turn out, the people you could meet; the. Friendships you could make, def worth considering OP xxxx

Christmas is hell, I stopped putting up a tree and decorations after my mum died, I feel so alone and on the outside when everyone is having the big family get togethers.

Everyone isn't at all?
Where did you get that from?

@Happilyobtuse Ha ha this made me chuckle! I abs love Asian families, I was talking to an Asian guy in the park his kids were so lovely and loved my daughter and really tried with her it was so heart warming, the dad shared a fruit shoot quit my daughter and it honestly made me feel such a sense of gratitude that there are so many lovely people around! He said they had a huge family and was saddened about my life as tbh I overshare it's something I find very hard to keep to myself now it's become so clear to me that this is it; this is our lives but he was so kind taking the time to listen and his kids were so goood to my daughter. This life is so hard for some of us and I also feel I woke sometimes I never had to live it like this it's very hard

I have my elderly mum & my DD (also won’t have more). My Dad, Sister & Niece all died young.

I really try to keep hold of all
my friends!

Yes me, orphan, only child, no extended family. My only blood relatives in the world are the three people I gave birth to and their children. However, I count as family my DDil and DSiL. My ex MiL and her partner and my ex Sister & brother in law, plus my 'sister friends' three of them who've I've known my whole life so I count myself very lucky. However, now and again, it does feel quite weird, because I know that my people are more family to me than I am to them, because they have their own families. But I don't dwell on it. I know from experience that I have good people who love me and are there for me, and that's enough. Invest in your friendships OP.

@TravelingReader I'm sorry, this must have been so hard, mumsnet is so handy isn't it for having someone always here to talk to for guidance and help, it's a lifeline for sure for so many of us! Love to you and I salute you for finding a way out of the loneliness, I didn't realise quite how many of us feel the same until I found this thread this evening, it's so unfair but it's also feels a bit less hard knowing we're not alone!

Itd be so amazing if we could all meet up in real life for a day some place like a huge park centrally, all bring picnic items, blankets and sit down on the grass and just natter to eachother and do it regularly like maybe talking picnics and talking walks and hikes xx

Awww… thanks! Yeah, to most Asian ppl it makes no sense when you say you have no family. To give you a sense of scale, I had 2500 ppl at my wedding, that was family and friends, but a large part was family! 😅 By and large we all get along fine and try to see the good in each other. Not to say some of them are not annoying or nosy, but they mean well in general.

I lost my dad when I was 22, but I now have a lovely step dad. My dad was an only child but he had a ton of first cousins, my grandfather was one of 9 children and my grandmother had 2 siblings. On my mums side, my grandfather was 1 of 4 siblings and my grandmother was 1 of 5 siblings. So lots of cousins for my parents and in turn myself and my kids. When I go home for the summer we usually have a party at my parents home and call close family, it is about 120 ppl! 😂

I think we all need a sense of belonging and to feel that there are ppl who care about us and want what’s best for us. I make friends with ppl of all age groups, I find food very useful in building friendships. I love cooking and baking and most ppl are happy to chat over cake! 😊

@Happilyobtuse Wowww!!! That's abs brilliant!!! Can you fit us all in to your massive family!!! I'd love to join!!! 😁😁😁 I think you've got it abs spot on! I'm from Serbian descent on my dads side I don't know why except for fact my grandad worked for the then king and weren't communists so they had to leave or be killed so left a ton of family there, so sad, my poor grandad couldn't setttle and ended up dying a short time after, broken hearted I think and missed his home country so much 😰 my great grandparents came over but died not long after, my nan then died when I was 3 and lost my uncle few yrs back, brother died in an accident in France at 21, just leaves me and my 82 yr old Dad! So sad. Mum was one of 7 but none of them talk to eachother, my poor nan raised that many and died of cancer age 44 so never met her and never saw much of my mums dad, I have a lot of cousins but never met any of them, so sad. I hope for my daughter to start her family young whilst I'm still here to support her whilst I can! Yrs ago people had big families over here but I think people are struggling and they're hugely shrinking in size! I know so many only families compared to yrs ago everyone had them in their late teens and 20s and had least 2! Now it's 30+ and 1, 2 if you have time it's a bit of a shame but sign of the times I think in general over here and I'd say America also xxx

It's hard. I'm 48 no family just me and my dd. I have wonderful friends. But it stings. My dd's friends are all having huge leaver parties. Yeas back we had family and would have too. She's angry life has changed. Its not easy.

I'm an only child (46 though!) and I lost both my parents within 6 months of each other a few years ago. My in-laws are not very affectionate or involved.

I often feel very sad that my kids lost the only loving grandparents they had. On a practical level we have no support and haven't had a night away (or even a night out) without the kids for 6 years.

So OP I empathise

My husband's lovely grandmother was the only child of her generation. No cousins on either side. She had a lovely life. Had a few children. She was an adored mother and grandmother.

Maybe your one child will go on to have a lovely life with friends who you love too or lots of grandchildren who enrich your life. Maybe you'll discover a love of something in your 40s that will completely enrich your life. One of the happiest people I know is a single woman with no children in her 50s. Actually ditto a cousin who was divorced young and has no children.

Focus on yourself for a bit OP. think of what will make you happy. Think about how to make your family the way you want it.

I have none.

my mum died young before i had children. My dad died a few years ago but we were never close. Similar situation to you with my husband and his family.

i have some friends but no one close i could actually count on or that i see regularly (was badly treated by a few when i was younger & it stuck with me and i find it easier to just keep people at a distance but i’m 40 now and trying to make an effort with school mums or the odd invie out i get so i’m not being standoffish. It is hard but i’m used to it now - i’ve got 3 kids & in 14 years we’ve only ever had a couple of nights out together for a few hours at a time as my dad didn’t like doing it

Mum and dad both dead. Divorced so no hubbie. Couldn't have kids so no kids either. Lost touch with friends due to being a carer for 5 years and exhausted. No other family.

Just me and a dog. It's a bit scary if I think too much about it. Luckily I am pretty independent and a huge introvert so enjoy my own company.

I too don't understand people saying they are alone apart from their husband and kids although I understand it is frightening when relatives start to die and the number in your family goes down. Losing parents who have always been there for you is pretty awful and does make you feel quite rootless.

Hugs to you. Remember one day you will probably be a granny too and have grandchildren and a son-in-law and your family will start to increase in size again.

You are most Welcome! We have no one from serbian descent so that will be a great addition! 🤗

I'm sorry about your brother, but families aren't always the answer to everything. You only have to read threads on here to see how many unhappy families and difficult relationships there are.
I have no family (husband aside) and that's fine.
If you want more people in your life, try getting out and about and making new friends - they are the people we choose, and who stick by us.

yes, I have 2 adult daughters, one is close, one lives the other end of the country and I hardly ever hear from. No parents, no husband/ partner. Large extended family in a town a 50 min drive away that I don’t have anything to do with, and only one friend. Life is lonely.

This!! OP does have a family - her DM, DH and DC. I don't get it.

My dad died when I was young. My mum was very neglectful and has no interest in me whatsoever, so we're estranged. Wouldn't even know how to get in touch with any other family member, I don't know them and they've never tried to get in touch with me. I have no partner and no children. It's just me and my cat.

I can relate...my fear and feelings of loneliness sometimes makes me wish I hadn't been born... Im not sure I mean it but have the thoughts sometimes. I have a very small aging family and it's never far from my mind that one day I'll be alone. I suspect these feelings will be worse at certain times of the year - e.g. I hadn't realised others were in similar situations or felt similar so whilst I'm sorry you feel that way it is comforting to know I'm not alone with it

I relate to this so much. I am an only child. I do have a partner, but no children. My partner is an only child too. My parents are still alive, but I am scared for my future. I will at some point be without blood relatives. It is on my mind 24/7 and I have had to start medication for anxiety and depression caused by my situation. I just don't know how I am going to get through the rest of my life feeling so vulnerable. I do have a friend who is in exactly the same situation though. I would like to meet others who are also in this situation to form a 'found family'. I think that would help make me feel more secure and get me enjoying life a bit more.

I think Op you are creating your own family, many people for one reason or another don’t have big families but if you have a partner and children I would focus my efforts on making sure it’s a happy little unit. In time more people will hopefully join it son or daughter in laws, possibly grandkids. You may find that as you get older your family will grow.