Partner making requests

[Annon1995]

My partner ‘requests’ that I wear certain underwear that he likes to see me in. He also ‘requests’ me to wear certain leggings etc. I have put up with it for so long but finally snapped and told him he was being controlling, to which he took offence and got upset about. When I ask him not to tell me what to wear he justifies it by saying he is not telling me he is simply ‘requesting’ because if he didn’t ‘request’ then I would just not wear them. AIBU?

I don't see much wrong with asking your partner to wear something if you like it. As long as you're fine if they say no.

Tell him to sod off, wear what you want when you want. End of

Start requesting that he wear odd/mismatched combinations in response, everything down to socks and pants. Maybe even suggest jumpers throughout the summer until he stops.

This is all about context really. If he’s letting you know what he finds sexy for your sexy time then fine. If he’s telling you what to wear all the time then not fine.

Is he wrong to ask once if you would mind wearing X underwear or Y leggings from time to time? No, as long as he respects your answer of "no" if you aren't and doesn't keep badgering when.

He's requested once that he likes it when you wear those, you've heard his request, now he needs to STFU and let you get on with either wearing occasionally if you're okay with it, or accept you're not comfortable in them/don't like them, or else he IS being controlling, especially if he sulks if you say no.

Do you feel like you can say no?

I "request" my DH wears clothes sometimes, if I know he'd look really good and we're going somewhere particular! If he said no I wouldn't care 🤷

what happens when you say no/dont comply?

From your other thread. I'd say you've got bigger problems than him asking you to wear something.

The funny thing is he would love it if I bought him something. He likes to wear ladies swimming costumes as he ‘likes the feel of them’ he also tries to get me to wear them to cuddle in but it makes me feel uncomfortable

How does he respond when you say - I don’t feel like wearing that today - ?

Why don't you 'request' that he wears a clown outfit when you go out? 🤡

Yikes! 😬

For context I made an earlier post with my side and how my partner comes across to me and makes me feel. I showed the responses to my partner and he asked that I word it the way he says it as ‘requesting’ hence the quotations to see if I were to still get the same or similar responses

What do you mean a bigger problem? I don’t mind if he wants to do that in private… that’s on him. I just don’t like when he tries to involve me as it makes me feel uncomfortable

It depends. Sometimes he respects this then if he is having a bad day he can get annoyed and it is something we argue about often

Maybe tell him this doesnt make him sound less controlling.

Then it isnt a request, it is an expectation, a demand.

The key is in your last sentence. You wouldn't wear them if he didn't request you to. So those clothes are clearly not your choice. You're a person not a dress up sex dolly.

And his telling you to reword your post speaks volumes about his controlling nature.

He sounds like hard work.

Fully depends how he behaves around these requests and how you feel about it. Totally fine to ask your partner if they're willing to dress up, or do so yourself. Totally not fine to insist, pressurise, or get into an argument about - the argument bit is important, if it's causing one or the conversation goes round and round in circles it's a problem. I can't picture staying in a relationship where I was drawn into arguments about this. If dressing up isn't fun for both parties you need to either forget it, find common ground or part ways.

Run for the hills.

Get out now before you end up married.

so he has a negative reaction when you don’t comply? That leads to arguments?

And you think you have a good relationship?

No I don’t, that’s the point. But I cannot get him to see it from my point of view….

DH likes me to have red painted nails, wear a lot of make up and be dressed in a low cut top and tight skirt. Last time I did so was around 1991.

What he wants me to wear doesn't even come onto my horizon frankly. If he wants a sex doll he can buy one and dress it just as he pleases.

From your last thread the topic of ‘clothing’ is probably triggering some reaction from you. For good reason.