Partner making requests

[Annon1995]

My partner ‘requests’ that I wear certain underwear that he likes to see me in. He also ‘requests’ me to wear certain leggings etc. I have put up with it for so long but finally snapped and told him he was being controlling, to which he took offence and got upset about. When I ask him not to tell me what to wear he justifies it by saying he is not telling me he is simply ‘requesting’ because if he didn’t ‘request’ then I would just not wear them. AIBU?

But why does it matter if he sees things from your POv? You're free to leave him, whatever your reasons.

He's controlling, he sulks when you don't wear what he 'requests' you to wear, he likes to wear women's underwear, he doesn't listen to you or respect you - that would be enough for me!

I mean I don't think it's really a problem to express a desire to see your partner in certain things, tbh - not in a 'oh you look really nice in this, you should wear it more' kind of way.

I really love when mine wears pastel coloured shirts/tshirts - they suit him. So I may say 'oooh you should buy more of those. Why don't you wear x shirt today'. I also love to see him in white underwear when he has a tan - because (in my eyes) he looks like a CK model

It really depends on the context tbh. When you say he reacts negatively sometimes.. Is he reacting negatively to you getting your back up and responding in a snappy 'no, I'll do what I like' kind of way? If so he may just think you're overreacting - I know I would if my partner was defensive from the off over an innocuous comment (not accusing you of this, just a different perspective).

If he's reacting negatively to you just saying 'no I don't feel like it today' or 'I'm comfier in this!' then yeah he's a controlling arse

I find this post very triggering. Reminds me of when my exH used to sulk if I didn’t wear the ‘requested’ items (that he’d bought) and when we acrimoniously split, I had a very cathartic experience delivering items to my local charity shop and putting unwanted lingerie in the bin. There’s a difference between buying your partner a nice shirt to wear out and sulking if they don’t wear fantasy-fulfilling outfits.

You partner is a controlling sex pest. It doesnt matter how you word it or how many posts you write, the answer will always be the same.

Stop trying to get him to see your point of view, a controlling man is never going to say oh yes Mumsnet said I shouldnt, so I wont. The only way to stop it, is end the relationship! Have more respect for yourself.