Got pregnant early in a new relationship partner funny about abortion.

[leavingabusetoday]

Basically what the title says I was in a new relationship it was going so well and the guy seemed lovely (I’ve known him years as a friend always been kind nice). I got pregnant and at first in the honeymoon stage I was like let’s have the baby after Few weeks my sickness started and it become real I have two children already and realised I need to be practical and not fairytail and put my babies first. My new parented is saying I’m eveik I medsed him around I care about everyone but him. I won’t change my mind about the abortion but I feel like I’ve done something really horrible and unkind have I?

Of course YANBU. You need to put your kids first and definitely don’t be guilted by a man out of having an abortion.

Your body. Your choice.

That's it really

You are not being unreasonable for thinking sensibly about what is best for your family.

Gently, your partners hopes were raised and he was looking forward to being a dad. Now he needs time to process his feelings. His anger is somewhat natural and it will pass.

It's your body, your choice of course. But surely you can see that it would be pretty upsetting to think you're having a child with someone, the other person be all for it as well - and then to have that suddenly taken away. You're not evil, that's ridiculous, but I can understand why he's very upset.

No, you have every right to choose. He will naturally be upset but to call you evil and uncaring is so wrong.

Ask him if he needs time and offer him that if you're looking to work on this but I personally would see his reaction as a clear cut sign to not peruse anything further with him. Way too red flaggy.

Im sorry he has not been supportive towards you.

Your body your choice.

Your not evil. I can see both sides. You were all lets have a baby, he got all excited and started future planning in his head then you decide to terminate. I can understand why he feels he has been messed about and had the rug pulled from under him. Doesn't excuse calling you names.

You have to think of the kids you have and prioritise them

It's your choice and you do need to put the children you already have first. I can, however, see why he is upset. He's spent weeks thinking he is going to be a dad and now he won't. It would have been kinder to have thought it through and decided what you were going to do before telling him and letting him get excited.

This is how I feel I went wrong but I genuinely did have feelings I just realised if I kept the baby my family would completely stop talking to me. He is already a dad and has children too. It would mean loads of kids together when we been together a few months it seemed cruel. And I had to make a choice for them. It hurts a lot and I wish I never said yes but he was so excited when I did the test and I got myself excited in the moment until I realised it all.

He wanted me to do the test before we went out for food as my period was late that was my oriiginal plan

He’s entitled to his feelings.

Why would your family stop talking to you if you had another baby? They sound controlling. Even if it may not be the best situation, people should keep that to themselves and support their family.

I see both sides but definitely your body/decision x

It is your body your choice but put yourself in his shoes. He thought he was going to have a baby with you. It's completely your choice to change your mind but he must be absolutely devastated.

You're not evil in any shape or form, he is just lashing out.

Your choice is reasonable and sensible.
I would be prepared though for your relationship not to survive this.

You were naive and silly to get swept along with a fantasy of having a baby in a very new relationship when you have children already - but now you've made a sensible decision and it's your right to do so. He's got children, it's hardly taking away his only chance to be a father!

You can’t take back that early unguarded excitement @leavingabusetoday. You both had a shock and got carried away in the moment. Keep talking to each other and hopefully he’ll see that you made the right decision for you all.

It is your decision and you need to do what you know is best.
But he is allowed to be upset, sad and even angry. All you can do is keep lines of communication open and hope he comes round, if he doesn’t though it’s not your fault or responsibility.

This is how I felt like I was responsible to make him and everyone else happy but actually my responsibility was my children hapoiness and I just have to be honest with him and hope he comes around and tbh the right guy would understand because anytime I tried explaining my concerns before he would be like “but there will never be a right time@ “what would change in the future” and I couldn’t actually speak without him trying to make now sound perfect when my concerns were valid reasons which impact my children

It is obviously your right to have an abortion but you don’t have any right for him not to feel very upset about it and would totally understand him even no longer wanting to be in a relationship with you

“My new parented is saying I’m eveik I medsed him around I care about everyone but him.”

if your new partner is saying you’re evil then 🚩🚩🚩. I would take that as confirmation that you’ve made the right decision and run away now. It’s one thing to express disappointment or want to open a discussion about whether this is a permanent decision or if it’s something you might feel differently about after several years together etc but name calling and guilting you is a bullshit way for him to behave. Lucky escape.

Your body, your choice, and it would have been your future should he have decided to fuck off or to not be an equal parent.

Yes, he has a right to be disappointed and sad. But he does NOT have the right to call you 'evil' and say you messed him around. Chances are you would have been the one whose life would have changed the most and whose children would have been most impacted. Statistics indicate that in these situations it's the woman with whom the child lives and the father's whose life doesn't change all that much. Add into that the fact that it was 'early on' and chances are great that you would have ended up raising this child on your own.

Be at peace with your decision. Realize that his comments are big red flags. And proceed with caution.

Your choice of course but what were/are your contraception methods? Why were you both not using decent contraception to avoid being in this situation? I appreciate that contraception fails sometimes but using both oral & condoms will protect against STI's & pregnancy.

Saying someone is evil isn't a feeling, it's an action. He's entitled to be angry, he's not entitled to abuse OP. It's a distinction that many people seem unable to grasp.

OP, this happened to me a few years ago. It was only a few months into the relationship. We were in lockdown, I wasn't earning much money and I was in my early 20's. I wasn't sure what to do and my ex bf and his mother were harrassing me everyday about not aborting. He told me "if you abort then I can only see you as someone who killed my baby" "if you do this then you're a baby killer" etc. I aborted after thinking things through and the verbal abuse continued for a few days but not being attached to that guy was the best thing. Best of luck, OP.

It's why birth control was invented.