Who is in the wrong?

[Needmoresleep89]

DP and I have had an argument this evening and we can’t agree who is in the wrong, so we’ve decided to ask on here. Won’t say who is who for hopefully unbiased opinions!

Person A is stood on their phone, Person B walks past and flicks the phone up towards A. A gets angry and shouts that it’s unacceptable and sits down on the sofa. B comes and sites astride A, laughing and flicks the phone again. A lashes out and hits B on the shoulder.

A feels they are in the right as B has done the phone flicking thing lots of times before, though not regularly. A has expressed how much it annoys them and on occasion has dropped the phone. A feels their reaction lashing out was understandable as they felt trapped under B, B was laughing and did the thing that originally caused the argument again.

B feels that A is overreacting, that it was just a bit of fun and that they came to sit on A to lighten the mood. B thinks that laughing and doing it again shows it was meant to be playful, and that A reacting in the way they did is unacceptable.

Who is in the wrong?

B is maybe needing to learn it’s only a joke when two people are laughing.

B is a dick and a bully.

B is an arse, and A shouldn't have hit their partner. Being wound up doesn't make domestic violence justifiable. Nothing makes hitting your partner justifiable, so the bigger offence to me is the DV

Do we get to know who's who now???

Why hasn't A divorced B already for being such a wanker?

C me, thinks you are both being silly.

Even when they are sitting astride you without consent?

B is a prize prat

A however shouldn't have bit B as it doesn't sound like self defence.

B would be being told though that when someone says something isn't funny umpteen million times it remains unfunny and to stop trying to make it funny at a later date.

B is an arsehole

B is a bully, totally insensitive to the other person. It’s really abusive to continue to harass someone in that way, refusing to listen to them saying they don’t like it.

Oh, I have to be honest and say I read that entirely wrong, I thought it said B sat beside A. Rather more understandable in that situation, that’s physically very intimidating and could definitely cause one to lash out in panic.

I think both are overtired, and should probably be sat apart for afternoon lessons.

Your partner (B) is a huge arse. Hope this is the only time they act like this

Thank you for all the responses, it’s been really interesting to read, especially the ones disagreeing with me.

I am A(f), my DP is B(m).

DP is of the view that domestic violence is never acceptable. Whilst I do agree with this 100%, for me this isn’t DV. It wasn’t hard, it was a lashing out of hands automatically in response to my phone being flicked. I’m not scared of him at all, I’ve never been given reason to and I know he’d never hurt me, but there’s something about being trapped under someone you can’t move off while they’re laughing.

I probably should apologise, but I can’t say I wouldn’t have the same automatic reaction if it happened again.

I was going to say B is in the wrong.

Persisting in doing something annoying that you've been asked not to, is not a joke or funny...it's deliberately goading someone into snapping then behaving like the injured party when they do. Fuck off with that shit.

What he is doing to you is domestic violence. When someone uses their physical bulk to stop you moving and you have no choice and you’ve asked them to stop, what else is it?

How would he feel if Jason Momoa regularly pinned him down in a hilarious bit of horse play?

Just because he thinks it’s funny doesn’t mean it’s ok.

DP might think that domestic violence is never acceptable. But I also think that overstepping boundaries when previous asked not to, and then saying "I was only playing" is disingenuous and not acceptable. And as for sitting on you as well!? He would be the one clutching his pearls if he tried that on me.

Yep.

Whether B was being an arse (he was) and it was pretty on out from the outset A was the poster and a women, the number of people minimising domestic violence (pretty much everyone) and blaming B for being hit astounds me. OP lost any validity when she hit him. If a woman posted she'd been needling her partner with something she thought was funny and he belted her, would you be telling her she deserved it? I doubt it and the thread would be full of LTB and report the assault

Don't apologise. He sat astride you trapping you in your seat. He's lucky you didn't shove him onto the floor to be honest.

B is an annoying arsehole

B is totally out of order.

I'm someone who would probably lash out in panic if someone sat on me and pinned me down like that.

If h wants to shout DV, then his own actions qualify imo, it's only playfulness if both parties are on board with it!

Op posters either said B or that you were bath to blame not one post has said what B did was acceptable at all - because it isn’t he crossed a line

Your point loses validity when you compare it to a made up, much worse scenario. The OP didn't 'belt' her partner for a start. He had been annoying her, flicking her phone and then sat on her pining her down while laughing at her. That in itself is threatening. Add to that he's probably stronger and heavier than her then I don't blame her.

The only thing the OP needs to do is ditch the awful wanker.