Muslim families with pre-teen girls

[Laffydaffy]

DD has a friend who is half European and half Syrian. Friend's mum converted to Islam before marriage. Initially, it was not obvious they were practicing Muslims. No talking about it, no hijab, liberal (alcohol in house), among other things, until recently. Recently, the pre-teen friend fasted with her family for Ramadan, mum has just started wearing a hijab in the last fortnight and dad has forbidden friend to visit anyone's house without mum accompanying for the whole visit.

My question is, if the family is becoming more devout, about which I have no problem with, how common is it for 11 year old girls to need constant supervision when not at home or at school?

honestly this is getting ridiculous. every day a new islamophobic thread

my parents didn't allow me (or my brothers) to go anywhere because we were expected to study ALL the time. we are religous Muslims but that was definitely not the reason.

my generation are especially aware of CSA and a lot of my friends/cousins do not allow their children of any age or gender unaccompanied anywhere, including homes of extended family members due to risk of CSA. again nothing to do with religion except islamic belief places firm responsibility of care on parents so negligence is a grave sin (as it is I imagine in most religions)

I know lots of Asian parents who did/do this for various reasons. none of it has to do anything with religion.

oh wow. so you have valid reasons to not allow your daughter to sleep over but can't understand why someone might have their own equally valid reasons? must be because they be Muslim/brown/arab

perhaps it's because of you or someone like you? maybe the dad sensed your or someone elses islamophobic attitude and wanted to protect his daughter?

I certainly don't want any of the children in my family to be subject to the level of islamophobia that is out there (as demonstrated by the vitriol in a plethora of mumsnet threads and also our experiences in society). I would not want them to set foot in a house where everything they do will be seen through a certain lens. oh no little abdul sneezed! or is that a bomb? perhaps it's a shariah law sneeze? or is he allergic to equal rights?! someone call prevent!

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

Well said!

You’re concerned that the father is being too over-protective than he should?
Why is that a reason to be concerned?
I think reporting the family is a ludicrous
idea. If you see them as “friends” then I would be having a proper conversation with the parents or child, but to report them ??? Wow….
Why are you so eager to have the child alone at your place anyway? …..

And they brought up Palestine and that made you uncomfortable? Why? Does talking about Ukraine make you feel uncomfortable? Why? A war is a war.

It doesn’t seem like you like the idea of them becoming more practising as you preferred them when they were more secular. I wonder if it was not for the relationship your daughters have, if
you would have anything to do with them at all.

Also, my neice was abused when she was 9 years old by a close family friend who happened to be a devout catholic.
My brother in law refused to let her go to anyones house after that unless it was with someone because he didn’t like her missing out but couldn’t bare the thought of anything happening again.
As she grows he will have to take a step back, but as she’s still young he will continue to do it - and I wholeheartedly agree with him.

It's pure misogyny masquerading as religion

where is the evidence that this is anything to do with religion at all?

When I see whats occurring in Palestine, to children, babies, even prem little babies, I struggle to think that anyone could not spare the sentence, "yes, it's heartbreaking", because it truly is.

If someone couldn't show that smallest amount of empathy to the 1000s of children dead, without families, without homes who have zero access to medical services or even food, I'd be reluctant to have my dc near them. It's cold and odd to refuse to acknowledge what Muslims are feeling right now.

Not a Muslim, not a person of faith myself but if white, chubby, little, curly, dark haired women in their 30s were being targeted, our children murdered and lives destroyed and someone tall, blonde and slim couldn't say, "Oh yes, terrible what's happening to you curlytots, I'm really disgusted by this", instead of being able to give one sentence that they're upset that people in the demographic I am in, are at risk, are dying etc, I'd not want to break a friendship up for my dc, but feel reluctant that someone who blatantly had no empathy for what's happening to people like myself, to be alone with them.

Shite analogy, I appreciate that, but you don't have to be pro anything to acknowledge that Muslims right now are watching war crimes be committed against their people, their babies.
Instead of refusing to acknowledge that you've made yourself seem hostile to every worried Muslim.

My daughter is 10 - we are not Muslim.
we are atheists.
I will not let daughter go to anyone’s house unsupervised who I didn’t know very well and as in your comments you said “ don’t want to talk to someone for 3 hours who I don’t know well “ well I wouldn’t want to leave my child with someone that I didn’t know well enough to want a chat with.
she does go unsupervised to 2 friends houses
who I have known for Multiple years and are friends with their parents, her best friend who’s mum is a close friend of mine now and I know super well is actually Muslim and her Daughter would not be allowed to go somewhere like your suggesting but she is allowed to mine but again they have known me 9 years and we have spent a lot of time with one another.

This.

Oh fgs OP hasn't displayed Islamophobia at all.

OP my dad would question if there were males in my friend's houses etc, this increased as I aged. It could be to do with periods beginning as pp said.

@seedsandseeds you missed ops update where she said she doesn't allow sleep overs due to a history of CSA. Yet she can't apprehend why others might also be shielding their kids.

Considering OP does exactly the same thing she has posted about, yet in her case she’s a parent worried about CSA whereas in the friend’s case it must be something to do with the friend being a Muslim female, I beg to differ.

Islamophobic posts have ramped up on MN recently.

My dad didn't let me go for sleepovers except to a very close friends house. We are not Muslim. He was just super worried about CSA. Perhaps he was rather over anxious but I don't judge him for that given the level of CSA. I guess he would have been reported in 2024.

I am rather pro-Palestine myself after 6 months of slaughter. Many non-Muslims are.

I didn't miss any updates.

So the suspicion is that the daughter experiences SA and this has caused the father to tell the mother to wear a hijab and the daughter not allowed in OP's house but in other houses and the beginning of fasting for Ramadan? Makes sense.

@seedsandseeds I should imagine they are seperate things. Mum started wearing hijab because she wanted too.

No one said the girl had suffered from SA. However maybe uts something they are worried about. Op is the one who said they have had CSA. Yet can't understand why others might be cautious sending their kids to other people's houses

It's not hard to understand

I would talk to school safeguarding. Nothing to do with religion - this isn’t a Muslim principle it’s dads choice and it seems sinister.

Separate things that suddenly started happening at once.
Regardless of the reasoning there are 0 instances of Islamophobia from OP.

🙄🙄🙄

Pro Palestine to me means against genocide

There you go again. I can imagine it must be frustrating for you to see an increased support for Palestinians, but claiming it’s Palestinians who are each of those things whenever anyone expresses support is really making you look unhinged.

And isn’t it exhausting for you to hate so much a group of people who simply exist? I mean, I guess it explains why support against the genocide that is happening against Palestinians right now would upset you so much.

He sounds like a controlling man.

I would imagine the child or the mother have received unwanted male attention.